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Mother who constantly talks - driving my Father insane

Garyrr

Registered User
Sep 3, 2014
1
Hi - My Mother has had Vascular Dementia now for around 15 months and it has progressively got worse. My Dad is her full time carer now and I have been trying my best to support him and help him through the process of getting SS support. The A Society is also involved now and providing 4 hours a week rest for him with home visits.

At the moment the most difficult thing to deal with is my Mothers constant talking. In the evening my Dad just cant get any peace and quiet as my Mum is just constantly talking - telling him she loves him, talking sentences but making no sense. My Dad will just tell her he loves her to but to be quiet - to which Mum says I will and then carries on talking! I actually think it is driving my Dad to the edge.

I have told him to talk to the doctor and see is she can prescribe her anything to calm her down. Any advice would be appreciated before my Dad flips! Thanks Gary
 

Owly

Registered User
Jun 6, 2011
538
Hi Gary, welcome to the forum, though I'm sad that you needed to find us.

What a problem, eh? What you describe would drive plenty of people to the edge. I take it your Mum can't focus on the telly or music or reading any more and so as 'an activity' she just keeps up this constant conversation?

I wonder if she would notice if you gave her chamomile tea instead of her usual tea, as it is supposed to be calming, with a (mildly) sedative effect. You can get the tea bags in the supermarket.

Your Dad could use earplugs, if he's reading, though if he wants to watch telly, that's not going to work. That would at least mute the chattering.

Alternatively is there anyone who could take Mum out to an evening activity, to give him a bit of peace?

In the end, something prescribed by the doc might be the way to go.

Hopefully this will bump your post up and maybe someone else will have a bright idea.
 

jeany123

Registered User
Mar 24, 2012
19,036
70
Durham
Oh dear my husband is the same he drives me mad, he is either talking a load of rubbish, whistling or singing he never stops except when he is eating or asleep, He can talk for England,

I'm sorry I can't help, I try to shut off from him but I can't enjoy a programme on the TV or get any peace as he sits over me talking all the time I can't concentrate on anything, I try to find things for him to do but it doesn't stop the talking, your dad has my sympathy and understanding as I am sometimes at screaming point,
 

DIANE69

Registered User
Jan 7, 2014
45
wirral
You have all my sympathy.My husband is just the same.He can no longer read concentrate on telly or even be quiet to listen to music which he used to love.I never thought hearing my husband say he loved me would drive me to distraction but it does.I tried asking the Dr for some medication but because of his other medication for seizures they could not recommend anything but diazapan for night. Unfortunately even that did not quieten him.If I ask him to be quiet he is happy to agree but immediately starts again. The only thing I can do when I am at screaming point is to leave the room for 5 mins.
 

Canadian Joanne

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 8, 2005
16,423
66
Toronto, Canada
There are wireless headphones available to watch TV. Would that be at all helpful? My husband will use them when I've gone to bed so as not to disturb me. But they work the other way also as he doesn't hear anything.
 

Allypally52

Registered User
Mar 11, 2014
78
My dad is getting like that too only he reads things out loud. I wouldn't mind if it was a novel but it's usually his bank statement, or the financial page in the Daily Mail, and this last visit it was the special offer brochure from the Co-op supermarket. I had that one twice! Thankfully I can watch TV with the help of subtitles. I can also read if I can tune him out. Or pop out to make us a cup of tea. To start with I felt obliged to listen attentively as it seemed rude to not give him my attention. But I've now realised that he just doesn't notice whether I'm listening or not, it's like he goes into automatic pilot mode. It's strange as he was never a chatty man; my mum often grumbled about his inability to make small talk (maybe that's why this symptom is coming out via reading matter rather than 'conversation.')
 

Kate and jack

Registered User
Jan 19, 2014
159
Southend on sea in essex
Were in the exact boat,the constant chatter,about some peculiar stuff,what I call nonsense !!! The other day I put my dear old mum in the other room for half an hour ,just so I could have some peace !! How long does this stage last for ,does anyone know??
 

jeany123

Registered User
Mar 24, 2012
19,036
70
Durham
It will be different for everyone but my husband has done it for 5 years now, it's not often he is quiet, I enjoy the peace when he is at the day centre,
 

Rageddy Anne

Registered User
Feb 21, 2013
5,984
Cotswolds
My husband never stops talking either, follows me everywhere, and often reads the same articles from the newspaper over and over and over again until I think I must scream, because every time he reads the new piece of news he expects a polite reaction. Difficult after the tenth time, or more, especially when he's picked up the paper for the third time in a day!

I think he does it because all the time he's TRANSMITTING he doesn't have to ABSORB what other people are saying. In company he talks over everyone, I think so that he doesn't have to try and make sense of what others are saying. I think it's a self protection mechanism, like he's building a wall of sound around himself.

Bedtimes are hardest, when I'm tired and he still doesn't shut up. " are the doors locked?" "Do you want the light on/ off?" " windows closed or open?" ..it's my lullaby.... Zzzz zzz
 

Lainey 127

Registered User
Nov 25, 2012
216
Liverpool UK
I hear you! My Mum is just the same, she talks or sings on top note from the minute she opens her eyes in the morning, and woe betide you if she catches you not listening to her! She bangs on the table and yells "HEY!" down your ear.
Nothing calms her, she doesn't know she's doing it. Her Dr prescribed diazepam but they don't work. When I beg for five minutes peace she replies "You haven't been here all day!" The only thing I do is go into another room for a while and put the radio on or something to drown her out. That works for all of ten minutes until she follows me out and starts talking again!
It's a real headache!
 

_Han_

Registered User
Oct 11, 2014
5
My grandad talks over everyone, I can't really have a conversation with him any more. He talks to me but you can tell he's not listening to anything I say and often talks over me about something else. It's like he's got something in his head and needs to say it before he forgets it, and then when you reply he shouts at you because you've interrupted the next thought he had, which he's now forgotten.


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