Mother thinks there is someone else in the house

[Sue_W]

My mother lives with my brother who is her main carer.

Since the first lockdown, my mother has started to believe that there are three people living in the house. She often mentions the third person to me when I speak to her by phone every day (I live a long way away), and my brother said that she sometimes cooks for three people and puts out three coffee cups every morning.

I think that maybe she is thinking that my dad is still around (he died 15 years ago). She has not been diagnosed with dementia and this problem has only emerged since the first lockdown.

Has anyone else experienced this issue? Could anyone advise me?

Many thanks

 

[lemonbalm]

Hello @Sue_W

My mum, who has vascular dementia and is now in a care home, often thought there were other people in her flat after Dad died. She would set the table for them for breakfast and sometimes be upset or angry when they didn't turn up. She thought they were very rude, coming to stay and leaving without a word. It was generally family members but not all close ones. She also thought that her Dad was out without a coat and worried that he wouldn't be able to get into the flat if we were out in case he didn't have a key. She often said she'd heard my Dad snoring in the night.

Mum was living on her own at the time and I frequently had to go round the flat when I arrived and check"upstairs" to make sure that the people had gone - "there's just you and me her now mum. Let's have a cup of tea/coffee/go to the library". If your mum's not upset by thinking someone else is there, I wouldn't worry too much, just make up stories for why they are not there at the moment. Other members may have more advice.

I think it's good that your mum lives with your brother. I started to worry that mum was going out to look for the people she thought should be there.

It’s best to check for urine infection, or any other infection, for any new behaviour. They play havoc with older people (particularly if they have dementia but I note that your mum has not been diagnosed with dementia). I would strongly suggest your mum seeing her doctor for a general health check, as many conditions can cause confusion.

 

[Jessbow]

Mirrors can cause issues, they see someone else but dont recognise it as their reflection.

my now later mother used to have a little girl there, had to idea who she was or why she was there ( never questioned who she was) just thought i'd left her there for her to look after.
When I asked what the little girls name was she looked at me as though I was asking something completely outragious!

I think she quite enjoyed her company....until she ate all the biscuits.

 

[MarleysMum]

There could be many reasons for this. As jessbow has just said she may see her own reflection but won’t recogise herself. My mum used to have conversations with people who usually seemed to be behind us and she used to laugh But sadly in time these uninvited guests used to upset her. If your mums not upset then I wouldn’t try to correct her.
You say your mum doesn’t have a diagnosis of dementia. Is this because of current restrictions in getting this ? I don’t want offend but if not then you clearly have concerns and she needs to see her GP XX

 

[Sue_W]

Thank you all so much for your feedback and for sharing your experiences.



Situation with my mum seems to be quite similar to what lemonbalm mentioned – e.g. mum seems to be expecting someone who does not arrive (and I think it is my dad who she is referring to – although he died 15 years ago).



Thank you for the interesting mirror references that Jessbow and MarleysMum mentioned. A while back, my cousin took a photo of my mum, my brother, and myself and my husband. When my cousin showed the photo to my mum, mum asked who the elderly lady was in the photo (she seemed genuinely confused and quite annoyed that there was an old lady in the photo who she did not know). We explained that the elderly lady was her, and she laughed. I did not think much of it at the time, but the reference to mirrors has now made me think differently. Maybe she does not recognise herself as an older person.



Thank you lemonbalm for the suggestion that an infection could be involved and for the important point about my brother being in the same house (otherwise I think there could be a risk of her leaving the house and looking for my Dad).



I will certainly discuss with my brother how we can proceed in visiting our GP and arranging a health check.



Thank you so much again