Mother not washing hair

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by haygreen, Jun 10, 2019.

  1. Dootee

    Dootee Registered User

    Mar 8, 2016
    19
    I wonder if writing it down would help. An etcha sketch or the like. You can buy communication cards also. Its so sad.
     
  2. Rach1985

    Rach1985 Registered User

    Jun 9, 2019
    315
    Yes it is very sad and just there are days when it drives you crazy and people that have never dealt with it don’t help. I got told today that Alzheimer’s makes people forget it doesn’t make them stupid so I shouldn’t let me dad just get away with things. Eurgh!! I’m still learning but it’s just frustrating that you are dealing with this and the people you rely on don’t always understand so I then have to be understanding towards them because how can I expect everyone’s to get it?!
     
  3. Dootee

    Dootee Registered User

    Mar 8, 2016
    19
    Oh yes youll come up against that its very tiring. Going for doc and hospital appts are hard too as you expect professional people to understand but im not sure they always do. All you can do is your best so just do that. Your dad us lucky to have you x
     
  4. Rach1985

    Rach1985 Registered User

    Jun 9, 2019
    315
    Yes it’s just difficult sometimes like today he isn’t having the best day, and has decided he needs something but won’t tell me what it is as it’s a secret. His words. He has also decided to start taking his watch on and off, which is quite hard to ignore. Keep saying to myself patience Rachel patience
     
  5. Dootee

    Dootee Registered User

    Mar 8, 2016
    19
    Sorry to hear thay youll have good and bad days. I find its calmer to just let them be .... its not that big a deal if he plays with his watch unless he's trying to tell you something. Its prob just agitation bless him. You need some distraction techniques. I made a scrap book full of family photos ... She picks up throughout the day and i hand it to her when shes agitated.
     
  6. Rach1985

    Rach1985 Registered User

    Jun 9, 2019
    315
    Thank you that is a really good idea as I have a load of photos in a carrier bag that I just keep leaving, gives me the kick up the bum to finally sort them!
     
  7. Dootee

    Dootee Registered User

    Mar 8, 2016
    19
    Great let me know how it works !!
     
  8. Susan11

    Susan11 Registered User

    Nov 18, 2018
    1,440
    Family photos seem to work very well. In fact we spent a very happy half hour with Mum and three of her friends looking at family photos in the Care home on our last visit .
     
  9. Dootee

    Dootee Registered User

    Mar 8, 2016
    19
    Yes they're a good calming technique. My mother is still at home and we use this a lot now.
     
  10. Rach1985

    Rach1985 Registered User

    Jun 9, 2019
    315
    Is it better to use older photos as they are more likely to remember or use a mixture of newer and older?
     
  11. Susan11

    Susan11 Registered User

    Nov 18, 2018
    1,440
    Older photos are good as if they remember that's great but as they're old photos it's also ok if they've forgotten who they are. I always say that I had trouble remembering who that was too.
     
  12. Dootee

    Dootee Registered User

    Mar 8, 2016
    19
    Good question .. .. i have only used recent family photos of us all. As i dont think mum would recognise anyone in old 0hotos. For instance she knows my nephew who is 19 but forgets who my niece is who is only 5. She doesn't really know she has a grandaughter. Use snapfish app for cheaper prints
     
  13. Rach1985

    Rach1985 Registered User

    Jun 9, 2019
    315
    I meant to ask, if he doesn’t recognise them correctly, for example calling John Trevor should you correct them? I’m never sure on this. Like sometimes he calls my niece the dogs name and we correct him but I’m not sure if we should do that, either in real life or with photos?
     
  14. Susan11

    Susan11 Registered User

    Nov 18, 2018
    1,440
    Well you could tell them first who's on the photo. I often say....look Mum that's me and you when I was little, there's Dad at work etc. Give him all the info first .
     
  15. Rach1985

    Rach1985 Registered User

    Jun 9, 2019
    315
    Ah ok cool then he can’t get it wrong
    Thank you
     
  16. Dootee

    Dootee Registered User

    Mar 8, 2016
    19
    I dont correct mum at all these days. She calls things by all kinds of names. She thinks im her niece. I just say ur my mum silly moo .... or i go along with it. It simply doesnt matter. You have to go into their world not the other way round. I cant imagine what goes on in their minds it scares me. Life is calmer and simple when you agree with them or go along with them. Its like bath time.... shes adamant shes had one and is quite agressive about not having one. I say yes ok .... then progress to the bath and go thru the motions. All of a sudden shes on the bathboard and im bathing her .... no fuss. It takes time. Keep up the good work!
     
  17. KPD

    KPD New member

    May 15, 2019
    5
    My Dad has recently been refusing full personal care from any carer that comes in :( this is becoming a daily thing, day in, day out :(
     
  18. Shedrech

    Shedrech Volunteer Moderator

    Dec 15, 2012
    7,564
    Yorkshire
    hello @KPD
    a warm welcome to DTP
    sadly, as you can see from comments on just this thread, refusing personal care is not unusual, but is a trial for those trying to help
    are the carers asking your dad eg do you want a shower today? ... which is far too open a question and very likely to get the default 'no' answer, and then the carer can't go against the refusal
    maybe suggest they get everything ready then use 'what a lovely bathroom you have, time for a wash now, the water is just right and this is your favourite soap, brilliant, that's a good lather for your underarms' ie encouragement, praise and positivity
    or maybe change round the routine eg breakfast then wash and dress, or vice versa
    if something works 3 days in 7 that's not too bad, as long as there are no health issues involved
    this may be of help
    https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/get-support/daily-living/washing-and-bathing
    this
     
  19. Dootee

    Dootee Registered User

    Mar 8, 2016
    19
    Im sorry to hear this.... you are not alone its a struggle with personal care for everyone. My mother will do anything to get out of bathing or washing. We have to find a way that works. For me i say if we dont get washed we can't go out and i have to go home. That does the trick. Yes its a little threat one i dont mean , but it works. Then i bathe or wash her superfast. But get it done. I think the idea is not to drag it out. Also i promise a little whisky when we have finished which she forgets about but it works a treat. You just need some distraction techniques. Singing also works.... wash and sing!! There will be a way you just need to find a green light
     
  20. KPD

    KPD New member

    May 15, 2019
    5
    Thank you for the warm welcome and link, my dad is still refusing a shower so much is going on past couple of weeks, I will put a new post up but thank you for your input x
     

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