Mother not washing hair

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by haygreen, Jun 10, 2019.

  1. haygreen

    haygreen Registered User

    Sep 13, 2017
    34
    Can some kind person advise me as I care for Mum who has not washed her hair for weeks and relatives are commenting on this. I cannot persuade her to wash her hair and am thinking of getting a career in for a few times a week to persuade Mum to look after herself.
    Has anyone out there any other ideas to assist me. I am a Man and my Mum will not listen to me. Thank you in advance for your help. Haygreen



     
  2. Palerider

    Palerider Registered User

    Aug 9, 2015
    536
    Male
    North West
    My mum was the same and her old hairdressers couldn't cope with her anymore. I found a care home that is like a complex which had a hairdressers and they are brilliant with people who have dementia. Mum came out looking her old self. Not something you can do every day, but its one option. I have since managed to persuade to wash her hair on good days.
     
  3. northumbrian_k

    northumbrian_k Registered User

    Mar 2, 2017
    751
    Male
    Newcastle
    I found a home hairdresser for my wife. She was used to dealing with people with dementia and was very empathetic and patient. She came in once a fortnight to do a wash and blow dry, then a cut and colour every 6-7 weeks. It worked well whilst my wife was still living at home. There may be someone similar in your area - a quick web search may bring up some possibilities that you can then telephone and ask if they are able to help.
     
  4. Bunpoots

    Bunpoots Registered User

    Apr 1, 2016
    2,901
    Nottinghamshire
    I found that getting a carer in was the solution for my dad @haygreen. Dad was completely resistant to any sort of suggestion from me that he should have a shower or wash his hair.

    Make sure you get someone who is used to dealing with dementia.
     
  5. Rach1985

    Rach1985 Registered User

    Jun 9, 2019
    398
    How do I persuade my dad to cut his toe and finger nails? He is very early stages Alzheimer’s but his personal hygiene has dropped. We have to keep telling him to wash his hands after the toilet too. But the nail cutting is a problem, as he can easily still do it himself but just doesn’t seems to care
     
  6. Sirena

    Sirena Registered User

    Feb 27, 2018
    1,492
    Female
    Good suggestions to try a home hairdresser or a carer, the carer could help with other things too. If she won't tolerate her hair being washed regularly, you could try Nilaqua (google it, it's a 'waterless' shampoo widely available).

    @Rach1985 it may seem as if your dad can cut his nails, but possibly he actually can't. He may have lost the necessary sequencing and coordination skills (as well as not seeing why he should bother). My mother lost very basic skills but successfully covered it up so I wasn't aware. A chiropodist would do his toenails, some will do home visits, but obviously he'd have to co-operate. Would you be able to do his fingernails for him?
     
  7. Rosettastone57

    Rosettastone57 Registered User

    Oct 27, 2016
    972
    My mother-in-law had carers three times a day . For 5 years her hair wasn't washed as she refused all personal care. It was only when she went finally into a care home that she was washed and bathed
     
  8. Rach1985

    Rach1985 Registered User

    Jun 9, 2019
    398
    Ah I hadn’t thought of this because he is still doing tasks like undoing screws etc little jobs in his shed I just assumed he would be able to do it
    We have only had a diagnosis for a week, so bits and pieces are starting to fall into place, where we thought he was just being stubborn it now makes sense. All very much overloaded at the moment
     
  9. RosettaT

    RosettaT Registered User

    Sep 9, 2018
    234
    Female
    Mid Lincs
    My OH was always particular in his appearance and I play on that. I'll say something like, 'gosh look at your nails, we cant be having having you look less than smart, lets cut them' so far it's worked. I'm very surprised it has, as he was always his own man, and did whatever he felt was right regardless of my input.
     
  10. Sirena

    Sirena Registered User

    Feb 27, 2018
    1,492
    Female
    I can see why you feel overloaded, it's a steep learning curve for sure. My mother reached the point of not being able to prepare herself a meal but she concealed her lack of ability for some time - and lost a lot of weight. As Rosetta has said, you can try subtly 'taking over' without hinting he can't do it, and see if he will accept that.

    As it's all so new to you, this link might be helpful.

    https://forum.alzheimers.org.uk/threads/compassionate-communication-with-the-memory-impaired.30801/
     
  11. Rach1985

    Rach1985 Registered User

    Jun 9, 2019
    398
    Thank you, yes I think the subtly approach will be best and I’ll look at that link
     
  12. wonderfulmum

    wonderfulmum Registered User

    Aug 20, 2015
    18
    I have organised for a carer who comes in every morning to shower mum and it's the same carer who she now considers a friend and trusts in her. Mum hated having her hair washed too but we said that the carer has to do her job and write it down as job completed so she can get paid too which made mum feel like she was helping her carer out.

    I've heard them chatting away and laughing whilst she's having her hair washed our mums carer is amazing.
     
  13. haygreen

    haygreen Registered User

    Sep 13, 2017
    34
     
  14. haygreen

    haygreen Registered User

    Sep 13, 2017
    34
    Palerider thank you for your kind suggestion.Good to know there are sympathetic souls out there.Haygreen
     
  15. haygreen

    haygreen Registered User

    Sep 13, 2017
    34
     
  16. haygreen

    haygreen Registered User

    Sep 13, 2017
    34
    Northumbrian K many thanks for your kind suggestions. Will follow them up.Haygreen
     
  17. haygreen

    haygreen Registered User

    Sep 13, 2017
    34
     
  18. haygreen

    haygreen Registered User

    Sep 13, 2017
    34
    Bun boots thank you for your helpful suggestions. It is lovely to know there are some kind souls out there. Haygreen
     
  19. Rach1985

    Rach1985 Registered User

    Jun 9, 2019
    398
    I agree I’ve only been on here a week now but the kindest of people is great, I thought I was alone
     
  20. Bunpoots

    Bunpoots Registered User

    Apr 1, 2016
    2,901
    Nottinghamshire
    You're never alone on DTP. There's always someone around to listen and give encouragment through the worst of times - and the better ones too :).
     

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