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Mother in law upset when I phone

panface

Registered User
May 29, 2016
29
Hi, the care home manager has emailed me and said he has been in contact with social services safeguarding and now he is contacting the CQC! Does anyone know if they could agree with the manager please. My husband has power of attorney and we thought this was to be used in the persons best interests which is what we are trying to do! This is getting so stressful
 

Louise7

Registered User
Mar 25, 2016
2,237
It's difficult to comment without knowing the full circumstances, for example do you know for a fact that calls from other family members elicit the same response from your MIL as your calls? Have you asked the manager why he feels unable to act on your request to block all calls from family (without their knowledge)? If the CQC get involved then I imagine they would speak to all individuals involved to establish the facts. With regards to who is the decision maker in relation to health & welfare matters, the POA can only be used when the individual is deemed to have lost mental capacity but as per the mental capacity act every effort should be taken to involve the individual in the decision process. Also, decisions relating to 'day to day' activities can be made without reference to an attorney:

Who makes the decision will depend upon the circumstances, and there are a number of things that any decision maker must consider. The person who makes the decision will depend upon the type of decision that needs to be made. If it is an everyday decision, it is likely that the person there at the time can make it on behalf of the person with dementia. If it is more complex, particularly decisions about finances, care or treatment, you may have to consult with either the person's attorney or deputy (if they have one) or a professional involved in their care.

https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/get-support/legal-financial/making-decisions-for-someone-lacking-mental-capacity

I think a call to the Dementia Connect advice line might be help for you - they're open at weekends: https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/dementiaconnect
 

Sirena

Registered User
Feb 27, 2018
2,236
It sounds as if the manager does not want to make the decision as the matter is disputed between the two sets of relatives (you said the brothers still insisted on calling her), so he's asked SS to intervene and make the decision.

I mentioned in my previous post that the CH manager and I decided between us that someone who wanted to contact my mother should not be allowed to do so. She told me that it was possible the person concerned could object and ask SS to intervene, but actually he didn't. If he had objected, it's possible SS may have allowed contact. I believe SS talk to the people involved and then decide what's in the best interests of the person with dementia.
 

panface

Registered User
May 29, 2016
29
It sounds as if the manager does not want to make the decision as the matter is disputed between the two sets of relatives (you said the brothers still insisted on calling her), so he's asked SS to intervene and make the decision.

I mentioned in my previous post that the CH manager and I decided between us that someone who wanted to contact my mother should not be allowed to do so. She told me that it was possible the person concerned could object and ask SS to intervene, but actually he didn't. If he had objected, it's possible SS may have allowed contact. I believe SS talk to the people involved and then decide what's in the best interests of the person with dementia.
Thank you. Yes it’s such a worry
Hi everyone, We are still waiting for a reply to our request. The manager has left and the deputy manager has taken over. She said that she is waiting for a reply from someone with the adult safeguarding team. This is getting beyond a joke now as it’s been nearly 7 weeks since our request. I did contact the CQC myself and was told by them that they cannot give me any answers as we need to go through the care home! Hopefully lockdown will soon be over so our request will not be needed. Does anyone know if the CQC has to hear from us before any decision is made? Thank you
 

Louise7

Registered User
Mar 25, 2016
2,237
I think the difficulty is that it isn't clear who is actually looking into this matter. The previous care home manager told you that he had been in contact with the safeguarding team and was now speaking with the CQC. The CQC don't have their own safeguarding team, nor do they investigate safeguarding issues, but they do ensure that care homes follow safeguarding guidance to protect residents. If the deputy care home manager has said that she is waiting a reply from the adult safeguarding team that is the local authority, not the CQC. As previously posted, if the local authority safeguarding team decide to investigate the matter they will contact all parties to ensure that they get a full picture of what has been going on. It could be that the care home manager is simply awaiting advice from the safeguarding team with regards to what to do about the situation so there may not be an investigation.

As the CQC have said that the matter needs to be progressed via the care home manager, and the deputy manager has said that she is waiting a reply from the local adult safeguarding team, perhaps it would help to clarify with the deputy manager what exactly the expected reply is in relation to? That will hopefully give you more of an idea with regards to what the safeguarding team's involvement is in this matter, although bear in mind that the covid situation has resulted in delays/reprioritisation of local authority work so that could account for the reason that nothing has been heard in 7 weeks.
 

panface

Registered User
May 29, 2016
29
I think the difficulty is that it isn't clear who is actually looking into this matter. The previous care home manager told you that he had been in contact with the safeguarding team and was now speaking with the CQC. The CQC don't have their own safeguarding team, nor do they investigate safeguarding issues, but they do ensure that care homes follow safeguarding guidance to protect residents. If the deputy care home manager has said that she is waiting a reply from the adult safeguarding team that is the local authority, not the CQC. As previously posted, if the local authority safeguarding team decide to investigate the matter they will contact all parties to ensure that they get a full picture of what has been going on. It could be that the care home manager is simply awaiting advice from the safeguarding team with regards to what to do about the situation so there may not be an investigation.

As the CQC have said that the matter needs to be progressed via the care home manager, and the deputy manager has said that she is waiting a reply from the local adult safeguarding team, perhaps it would help to clarify with the deputy manager what exactly the expected reply is in relation to? That will hopefully give you more of an idea with regards to what the safeguarding team's involvement is in this matter, although bear in mind that the covid situation has resulted in delays/reprioritisation of local authority work so that could account for the reason that nothing has been heard in 7 weeks.
Thank you
 

Susan11

Registered User
Nov 18, 2018
2,319
When my mother in law was in a care home, we used to send her post cards via a smartphone app called Touchnote. You could upload your own photos of family or holidays (obviously not at the moment) for example, then send them via the phone with an appropriate message to be posted out . No need to go and search out post cards in a shop .
My daughter is doing these postcards regularly and Mum shows them to everyone in the home . They are excellent quality and easy to do. I email photos with a little explanation which they print out for Mum. They told me they have stuck them all on her wardrobe door so she can see them all the time.
 

panface

Registered User
May 29, 2016
29
Hi, I have just had an email from the care home deputy who said that under the human rights act paragraph 8, we are not allowed to stop phone calls. This has taken 8 weeks for the safeguarding team to inform the home. The home is allowing visits as from next week but only one family member each week so I expect the phone calls will continue. Thank you all for your replies
 

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