Hi, my mother in law has been in a care home for dementia for 4 years. My husband and I visited her 4 times a week until lockdown happened. We are able to keep in touch by phone or video call. We don’t think MIL would cope with a video call so we have been speaking to her by phone. We have only phoned once a week as she gets very distressed . I phoned the home Sunday and asked how she was, which I always do, before asking to speak to her. I was told that she was fine so spoke to her. It was a very distressing phone call for her and myself. She said that she doesn’t like it where she is, the family she is living with are horrible to her and always shouting. They don’t feed her and she doesn’t want to go to bed as she is frightened what they might do to her. She was whispering so that she wasn’t heard and crying making me promise that I wouldn’t say anything to the family she is living with. She pleaded with me to go and get her otherwise she would slit her throat as she had something hidden in her bedroom that she could use. I was very upset that she was so distraught. I emailed the manager of the home and told him that MIL was upset every time I phoned and that this time she was distraught and threatening to slit her throat. I asked him to put a block on family speaking to her on the phone and video calls as I don’t think it’s in her best interests if calls from her family upset her. She has 3 sons including my husband and 8 grandchildren. Has anyone else had their loved one get distraught with phone calls etc from their friends and family during this pandemic? My husband has power of attorney for her health and welfare and it seems like we are not helping her but causing distress. I hope you can help us decide what to do. Thank you