My Mum is 88 years old and recently she has become very confused and forgetful. Dad died in 2011 and she has managed to survive on a day to day basis being independent. Until a month ago she managed to fall and break her wrist. She was very confused and couldn't remember how or where she did it. Sadly I do not live near her and my sister who lives in the same town was away on holiday. Mum lives in a Warden Assistant Apartment near the sea front and has enjoyed her life until now. She has definitely gone down hill and we believe she hasn't been eating properly or even washing herself i.e. showering or even having a bath and in Mum's word just having a "strip wash". This hasn't really helped and she never seemed to partake in any activities within her flats and didn't get involved at all. Also my sister never used to go up to her flat she just used to pick her up from downstairs. Every time I went I said to my sister that seems to be disorganised and dirty and kept telling her. Now after all of this my sister has had to deal with organising carers 3 times a day and getting her Wiltshire Farm Foods. I do believe Mum not having the contact and not seeing my sister enough hasn't helped her. We are waiting to see the Mental Health Dept at the hospital on 12th July and then we can reassess the situation. Mum hasn't been out as my sister is yet again away on holiday and I live 4 hours away so not easy. I do ring her every night since my sister is away but its like she hasn't spoken to me for months. She even forgot my sister and I's birthday we are twins!! She was sad about this but she remembered it was my sisters and not mine when I spoke to her. Any ideas anyone ? I feel so frustrated at least I suppose my sister has got things going but no cleaner though its hard being far away...... and my sister has 3 adult children who don't seem to do much either!! Shame she doesn't live near me!
Mother has recently been diagnosed with Dementia
- Thread starter Janis17656haris
- Start date
hello Janis17656haris
and welcome to TP
it's not easy caring for someone who is close by, so being so far away is tough on you, and frustrating
your sister does have her own family and life, and it's so easy to carry on with things as they have always been, not noticing that there's something askew - in fact it's almost easier to do this when you see someone fairly often; it can be that the one who can only visit a few times realises what has changed because the change isn't gradual it's obvious - my dad's 3 grandsons (I have no children myself) are said to adore their grandfather but rarely visited him at home, and have been once to his care home; some sadly just can't cope with the change in their grandparents, or have no real interest in 'the oldies'
your sister's doing all the right things - maybe a cleaner is next on the list - is the care as a result of an assessment by your mum's Local Authority Adult Services?
have you both organised Powers of Attorney, for finance & property and health & welfare, as these will give you the legal authority to take over managing your mum's affairs
and have you applied for Attendance Allowance on your mum's behalf; it's not means tested, so do look into whether your mum will yet qualify
https://www.gov.uk/attendance-allowance/how-to-claim
when she receives this, she will be able to have her Council Tax disregarded, so contact her Council
are you considering that you'd like to move your mum nearer to you? - maybe a discussion to have after the appointment in July, which I hope is helpful
best wishes
and welcome to TP
it's not easy caring for someone who is close by, so being so far away is tough on you, and frustrating
your sister does have her own family and life, and it's so easy to carry on with things as they have always been, not noticing that there's something askew - in fact it's almost easier to do this when you see someone fairly often; it can be that the one who can only visit a few times realises what has changed because the change isn't gradual it's obvious - my dad's 3 grandsons (I have no children myself) are said to adore their grandfather but rarely visited him at home, and have been once to his care home; some sadly just can't cope with the change in their grandparents, or have no real interest in 'the oldies'
your sister's doing all the right things - maybe a cleaner is next on the list - is the care as a result of an assessment by your mum's Local Authority Adult Services?
have you both organised Powers of Attorney, for finance & property and health & welfare, as these will give you the legal authority to take over managing your mum's affairs
and have you applied for Attendance Allowance on your mum's behalf; it's not means tested, so do look into whether your mum will yet qualify
https://www.gov.uk/attendance-allowance/how-to-claim
when she receives this, she will be able to have her Council Tax disregarded, so contact her Council
are you considering that you'd like to move your mum nearer to you? - maybe a discussion to have after the appointment in July, which I hope is helpful
best wishes
Hi and Welcome to TP.
It is hard enough sorting things out when we live near to our PWD (Person With Dementia), it must be incredibly difficult when you live so far away!
It sounds as if you are rather angry at your sister for not having done more for your mum. This might be completely justified and this is a very 'safe' place to express that. However, please try to work with your sister for your mum's benefit, everything will become even more difficult if you two cannot agree on how things should work!
It is hard enough sorting things out when we live near to our PWD (Person With Dementia), it must be incredibly difficult when you live so far away!
It sounds as if you are rather angry at your sister for not having done more for your mum. This might be completely justified and this is a very 'safe' place to express that. However, please try to work with your sister for your mum's benefit, everything will become even more difficult if you two cannot agree on how things should work!
