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Most definitely NOT a funny day

Agzy

Registered User
Nov 16, 2016
1,449
Moreton, Wirral. UK.
Either, after 10 days of strong antibiotics, the infection is still raging or some the Alzheimer’s has grabbed a chunk of her brain things were so bad. Basically she was a zombie most of the day and sometimes didnt recognise me. As usual there were no visitors so just us but she kept telling me that her son, Grahame, who took his own life nearly 4 years ago, was coming to visit and I went along with it but kept diverting about delays and the weather. Given her sons think I am lying about her having dementia, and with her permission and so as she could see us together on my phone screen, I took 90 seconds videoing us talking while sat together on the couch and during it she talked about the forthcoming visit of her late son and even that was heartbreaking to watch back.
Late in the afternoon having had no contact from her sons I texted them each with the same message including that I had the video and about how poorly mum was although I didnt send the vid until they asked to see it as I knew I would not be believed. Eventually one responded and said he would be up tomorrow and he wasn't bothered about the video and so I sent it to him. The next one was annoyed I had taken a video and so I sent him it. The third son is working away and didnt reply but at 8 o’clock in the evening arrived at the door worried sick. His mum was asleep on the couch. As he woke her her the 1st words she said were about her late son and the visit although she didn't recognise the one sitting opposite her. I told her his name and pointed him out on a group photo hanging on the wall she still had no recognition. This visit really shook him up as he was the one most adamant his mum wasn’t ill but just old, so I told him how I have struggled over the past 4 years with only the help of my own children who were primarily worried about me. No idea what today will bring. Sorry for such a long ramble but there is just no one else at present to talk to in person although doctor will phone later I hope.
 

Pete1

Registered User
Jul 16, 2019
809
Hi @Agzy, what a difficult day - it must be extremely frustrating for you to see your wife's children in denial like that and not supporting you both in their Mum's time of need. You have done your best to try and get them to re-enage with their Mum, you can't really do anymore. My Mum used to often mention my partner who had passed away several years earlier, first of all I used to remind her that she had passed away, then I didn't bother correcting her and said she would be along later, but I found it pretty upsetting every time it came up. There is obviously something that has stuck with the trauma of her son's death. I hope today isn't as emotionally charged for you. All the best.
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
71,552
Kent
It`s such a pity you wife`s children need to be shocked into seeing how poorly she is @Agzy. Not only do you have the weight of progressing dementia on your shoulders but you have to justify the illness to sons who are probably fearful of the reality.

The strength you need for this is herculean.
 

jaymor

Volunteer Moderator
Jul 14, 2006
13,117
England
Stay strong @Agzy, hopefully this will wake them up to the problems you and their mum are dealing with and how hard it is for you to cope. Any method of getting the message across is justified when dealing with the unbelievers.

Hope your today is a little better for you both.
 

RosettaT

Registered User
Sep 9, 2018
498
Mid Lincs
I'm so sorry Agzy, I know how difficult it can be. I sometimes sit here thinking this is it, he's not going to come back from this infection and get very sad and upset but so far he has always made a remarkable recovery and in hindsight, a year on from being in hospital, it is amazing he is as good as he is.

It does take my OH a few days after ABs to get back to his normal self. I'm not saying there isn't a little lost of faculties after each infection but the decline has always been very limited so I hope it is for P too.

I don't understand the stance of her sons. I've always been one to face up to problems and meet them head on. Sticking their heads in the sand doesn't help any of you, and goodness knows you need to gain strength from other in difficult times such as these.
Please let us know how P is over the coming days.

(((Hugs)))
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
2,310
South East
I’m sorry @Agzy at the very hard time you are having . Sending a big hug . I hope that some good can come out of this and said sons remove their heads from sand and can actually be a help to you and your dear P. Hoping for a more peaceful day for you . X
 

PalSal

Registered User
Dec 4, 2011
869
Pratteln Switzerland
Wow ....so sorry to hear of these circumstances. I am happy your own children are worried about your welfare and are supporting you. Who knows what resentments or issues your step sons have, but clearly they have issues. I guess you have done what you can expose the degree of their mother's progress into dementia. It is possible you will not get any help from them. But we all hope they will help out very soon and take some of the burden from you.
Be sure that you are direct and clear about what kind of help you feel you and their mother need right now. ...but in the end you can have no expectation that they will help you.
My younger sister has Huntingtons , her partner cared for her for 10 years on his own until completely exhausted, I kept writing my brother and her sons that they must support her partner. (He cooked dinner for the sons once a week and had them over to see their mother!!!) In the end, he packed her bags ,,,,,called them and said come and get her. He could not do it any more. It was very dramatic. I was completely sympathetic with her partner who was crushed by the burden of her care, with total denial from her family.
 

Izzy

Volunteer Moderator
Aug 31, 2003
62,346
69
Dundee
I’m so sorry to hear about how poorly Pauline is @Agzy. I do hope this forces the sons into some positive action and support.
 

Jale

Registered User
Jul 9, 2018
470
Agzy, so sad that you are having to deal with this - is there any chance that the son who visited will be in touch with his siblings to say how poorly Pauline is? Perhaps it's an offspring thing (no offence to the any sons or daughters who do help) but my brother could rival an ostrich for burying his head in the sand, I don't know if he thinks if he doesn't accept the problem then it will go away. I hope you have a better day tomorrow
 

Agzy

Registered User
Nov 16, 2016
1,449
Moreton, Wirral. UK.
Thank you all but sadly today has not gone well with them as I will post later when I am up to it. So grateful to TP and all you lovely people.
 

DesperateofDevon

Registered User
Jul 7, 2019
2,697
Thank you all but sadly today has not gone well with them as I will post later when I am up to it. So grateful to TP and all you lovely people.
Virtual hugs given what’s going on seem to be a little inadequate given what’s going on!
I’m hoping things will change for you soon. It sounds as if you need some respite care, this brings its own emotional turmoil!
Something has to give & I truly hope it’s not you.
so I’m sending my love to you both & a (((hug)))