More problems with carers

Kate P

Registered User
Jul 6, 2007
As you may remember we finally got a couple of carers in place for mum - she has to have two carers because of her aggressiveness and they were trying two hours, once a week to try and get her used to it before looking to increase it.

Well the first week went quite well all considered. The second time they said they had to leave because she kept putting her coat on. This week they stayed the full two hours but when dad came back they said she'd been agressive and they would have to speak to social services about it.

This raises two issues (well two main issues that I can think of!). Firstly, the fact that they mentioned social servies in front of mum sent her into a rage that continued for two days - day and night according to my dad and I completely believe him. Although it did make her try to wash the dishes for the first time in more than a year just to prove she can.

Secondly, why are they surprised at her aggression? One of the carers was there the day mum went for her social worker and this is why she has two carers so why are they suddenly being all shocked about this?

Dad is now saying he thinks he will cancel the carers because it's not worth the trouble - I've tried to persuade him to persevere because she's only going to get worse and so it may be even harder to get her to accept carers further down the line but I don't know if he's convinced.

It just feels like banging your head against a brick wall - I must admit I'm feeling a bit gloomy about it all.

To then top it all off they overpayment of salary that was made to mum is still an ongoing saga. I've been dealing with it now since December and still not really getting anywhere - it's still held in appeal. Despite that fact they still saw fit to send a letter to mum saying they would contact a debt collection agency if she didn't pay it back. Dad got all upset about it and I rang them and shouted until I was hoarse - I know it's not always effective but sometimes you just can't help it. Once again we had to go through the whole discussion of how I am her POA and they shouldn't be sending anything direct to my mum. What do they say? "We need your mum's authority to change her records to your address." I though blood would pour out of my ears I was so mad!!! My response "Well as she can't read, write or speak how would you like me to get that to you?".

Do you know what the worse thing is? This is a government agency we're talking about - and I work for the same one!!!!

Anyway I'm sorry to have such a long rant - I didn't mean for it to be but now I've started it's hard to stop. I'm just so sick of all of this - I wish it could all just go away. However, I shall gird up my loins and plough on...


Registered User
Aug 9, 2007
Hi Kate


Yep, brick wall, bang head and all that!!


Don't get me started. I had been getting Mum's notices of coding for years..when I told them about the change of address they asked to see the POA eventhough they had already taken a copy of it and had my signature! They just stopped sending stuff! No clue!

As to the carer's why do SW think your Dad needs respite? I would speak to the Manager and explain that the carers' attitude is causing even more stress for your Dad instead of alleviating it. It reminds me of a temp we had in the office a while back (she had not been introduced to me and had never realised my position so behaved abominably in front of me!). I was just about to suggest she went, through her attitiude, when after listening to her the Technical Manager said"I though you were here to help us"..She put her own coat on and walked. Saved me aggro!

I think that your Dad needs helped and SW need a reminder!! They are supposed to help though reading some of the posts here you would never guess.

Hope you manage to get it sorted.



Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
Hello Kate.

The management and appointing of careres has been found to be wanting, in the case of your mother.

I`m sure everyone involved knows the facts, knows how challenging she is and how carefully she should be treated.

The facts have been disregarded, except for the appointment of two carers where usually there is one.

I was under the impression respite care was to reduce stress for the main carer, not increase it. I understand totally your father`s feelings that the whole thing is more trouble than it`s worth. I would feel the same.

So perhaps it`s time for some purposeful communication between you and your father with the care agency and SS. It`s not enough having case notes. These notes should be read and understood.


Registered User
Aug 6, 2007
I fully understand and know that feeling ..of wanting to just go away from it all.. its just so frustrating. I have similar problems with carers - they seem clueless at times. Its all so tiring trying to get good care but if you can face it I would write to the care manager at social services and spell it out that your mother requires carers who are trained enough to cope with her challenging behaviour. As far as POA I have just had the same thing this time re housing benifit and council tax wanting a signiture. I just wrote in the box sent the letter and a copy of the POA and they accepted it the end. I find if things don't work now I just write direct to Cheif Executives or Directors and cut the middle person out!
Take heart and a huge deep breath and your right some how we all do just carry on. Think of you though!
Love Keely xxx


Registered User
Sep 26, 2007
I can relate to some of what you are talking about regarding the carers. We introduced new carers and it took quite some time for my granny to get used to it. At times we felt like giving up but persevered. Even now some times when she's really confused it might not work but there is usually a trigger to explain why a problem may have occurred.

We tried little amounts of time gradually increasing and not too many different faces. We did of course get negative feedback on behaviour from SS which we also found unhelpful. I am quite surprised that some people who are meant to be supporting you have no clue about dementia. We shouldn't have to explain to them why someone with dementia would be distressed by having a stranger in their home! Some people must honestly think my granny is a rude person which I find really annoying! It all comes down to lack of understanding & training.

Every situation is different and you have to look at whether the current circumstances are helping your family or not really.

Take care,



Registered User
Jul 11, 2007
Hi Kate,
I just wanted to say I know the problems you are going through with carers and let you know that you are not on your own .
hope you can find some that can make you feel comfortable with leaving your Mum with them.
We really need some time to our selves to recharge and I hope you can persuade your Dad to keep on trying.
Best Wishes,