More moving on.....

[Kikki21]

So today is also my birthday. A few days ago, I was sorting out paperwork & I came across all the stuff about my mum’s death & it really hit me hard. I was a mess. My mum was always so insistent on seeing me on my birthday, sometimes it used to cause a few issues with other birthday plans but I always did see her & of course today is the first birthday where she isn’t around & I must admit it feels very weird.
My lovely fiancé wanted to make sure that his family is now also my family too so his mum & dad came round this morning before he went to work so we had some family time because he knows this is a pretty sensitive day for me - I’m welling up a bit now. Xx

 

[Bunpoots]

It’s always the special days that hurt the most. I hope you manage to have a good birthday

 

[Kikki21]

It’s always the special days that hurt the most. I hope you manage to have a good birthday

Thank you. I’m ok at the moment. I’m having a me date though. I had to go & post an EBay sale on so treated myself to a cheapo sarnie & a bar of chocolate lol - how rock and roll! X

 

[jugglingmum]

Congratulations on your engagement - lovely ring.

https://assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/media/5b0fe9f7ed915d2cddac8268/death_fees_advice.pdf

The above is a link to the competition and marketing authorities opinion on what is reasonable. I don't know if it carries any legal weight.

It says they consider 3 days after death or 10 days if room not emptied before then by relatives.

A contract doesn't need to be signed to be valid, although if you were provided with the written contract in November 18 you were aware of the terms at that point and if you didn't object to it within a reasonable period (I'd say a max of 4 weeks would be arguable, but I think case law might say 2 weeks) then you are deemed to have accepted it.

I'm not sure what exactly happened from your posts above, but this is the basis for any dispute with the care home. given you say you haven't yet removed your mum's possessions it would appear that they can certainly justify charging for 10 days after her death.

Edited to add- Happy Birthday ???how lovely that your fiance's family came round this morning - I hadn't spotted that (did say I haven't read it all)

 

[DianeW]

Happy birthday Kikki x

 

[DesperateofDevon]

So we eventually managed to get away for a night - it shouldn’t be the case but we had our cancelled holiday in Rhodes in October & then we should have had a short break in December to Iceland but we had to cancel that due to the executor issues & more.
My boyfriend booked us a night in the Alton Towers Hotel which is very nice & our deal included breakfast, a 9 hole crazy golf adventure & we paid extra to use the spa which is nicer than a lot of dedicated spas & while we were there, he proposed to me & I said yes so he is now my fiancé!
Here is a photo of my ring - he was actually going to propose to me in Iceland which is another reason why we want to pursue a claim against the executor - more of him in my next post!

Congratulations
Xxx
(((Hugs)))

 

[DesperateofDevon]

Happy birthday ???

 

[Kikki21]

Thank you for the birthday wishes xx

 

[Kikki21]

Just to also add that when I rang the care home the same day my mum went onto end of life meds, I told them that she was very clearly not going to come back & that her room should be cleared & they said ok. So they weren’t expecting me to do it. Considering my mum hung onto living for a week which was very unexpected as the doctors didn’t expect her to live for more than 48 hrs & I spent as much time as possible in the hospital with her. It’s pretty savage to expect someone to then come & clear her stuff out of the room after they have died. Maybe again, care homes need to consider their terms & conditions when someone in their care enters hospital & doesn’t return, my mum was in there for 3 weeks.

 

[DesperateofDevon]

Just to also add that when I rang the care home the same day my mum went onto end of life meds, I told them that she was very clearly not going to come back & that her room should be cleared & they said ok. So they weren’t expecting me to do it. Considering my mum hung onto living for a week which was very unexpected as the doctors didn’t expect her to live for more than 48 hrs & I spent as much time as possible in the hospital with her. It’s pretty savage to expect someone to then come & clear her stuff out of the room after they have died. Maybe again, care homes need to consider their terms & conditions when someone in their care enters hospital & doesn’t return, my mum was in there for 3 weeks.

Dads care home management” surpassed” (irony!) themselves after he passed!

we packed up his room while waiting for the undertaker & bagged up any suitable items for re- use ( as discussed with staff )

only to ring a few days later to say thank you & to be told to clear out his room. Again explained conversation with staff on duty & once again told anything that couldn’t be used would be taken to a charity shop.

imagine our surprise when asked we collect monies from petty cash owing to Dad & to clear out his room!

Care homes need clear guidelines on what happens afterwards, bereavement is hard enough!

 

[jaymor]

It’s amazing the difference between care homes when it comes to the end.

As I left the nursing home after my husband’s death I told the Nursing Sister we would be back the following day to pack everything up. She said there was no hurry but for me I felt we had had such good care over the four years my husband had been there that the room should be made available to someone else as soon as possible.

It was Easter Sunday morning and while we were doing it a Carer came and said when we had finished would we go to the Managers office. We did and she had come in specially to see us and had arranged tea/coffee and cake in the library where we sat in armchairs chatting to her. She brought up times of my husband’s time in the nursing home, funny times. sad times, we spent a lovely hour with her. She asked that if possible could my husband pass and stop at the nursing home on his journey to his funeral. We arranged for this to be done on the way from the funeral home and his Carers were there outside and several wreaths were handed over.

10 of the Carers attended his funeral which was lovely because they were using their rest day to do so and I went back to the home a couple of weeks later to thank those who could not attend because of being on duty.

To this day, four years later I still am thankful for the wonderful care he received and the care we as a family received and will never forget.

 

[Marcelle123]

Belated Happy Birthday for yesterday.
Many Happy Returns - hope it's the start of a good year for you.

 

[Marcelle123]

It’s amazing the difference between care homes when it comes to the end.

As I left the nursing home after my husband’s death I told the Nursing Sister we would be back the following day to pack everything up. She said there was no hurry but for me I felt we had had such good care over the four years my husband had been there that the room should be made available to someone else as soon as possible.

It was Easter Sunday morning and while we were doing it a Carer came and said when we had finished would we go to the Managers office. We did and she had come in specially to see us and had arranged tea/coffee and cake in the library where we sat in armchairs chatting to her. She brought up times of my husband’s time in the nursing home, funny times. sad times, we spent a lovely hour with her. She asked that if possible could my husband pass and stop at the nursing home on his journey to his funeral. We arranged for this to be done on the way from the funeral home and his Carers were there outside and several wreaths were handed over.

10 of the Carers attended his funeral which was lovely because they were using their rest day to do so and I went back to the home a couple of weeks later to thank those who could not attend because of being on duty.

To this day, four years later I still am thankful for the wonderful care he received and the care we as a family received and will never forget.

That sounds wonderful, @jaymor . What a fabulous care home.

We had a representative from the Care Home Admin at my Mum's funeral, but what meant more to me were the carers coming into the room when I was sorting out her things and telling me how sorry they were and how much they liked her.
I did have some things to sort out about payment - we were owed a refund - and I was told I had to clear out herroom as soon as possible, but that wasn't actually the rule, just an over-zealous care team leader. But these are small things compared with the fact that my Mum had a safe and generally contented last year in a very good and caring Care Home.

 

[Izzy]

Oh @jaymor I have tears in my eyes reading your post. How lovely.

 

[DesperateofDevon]

Oh @jaymor I have tears in my eyes reading your post. How lovely.

That’s how it should be , how lovely to experience genuine care x

 

[Kikki21]

@jaymor what a lovely post & yes genuine care & not just putting profit before people xx

 

[Kikki21]

So I have contacted a couple of other solicitors & after learning of how the executor has behaved tell me that yes indeed, he has broken his fiduciary duties & then some.
I got advised to claim through the small claims court & yes I can also claim for my personal financial losses which the executor has caused by not transferring even an interim amount of money which is what I was asking for. Bearing in mind that he has paid out to the other beneficiaries & not myself will not look great for him.
We do appear to have had some kind of breakthrough.
I got a message from the executor yesterday & he said that if I wrote him a letter saying that myself & my family did not want to pursue the 2nd funeral then he would let it drop & transfer my money to me. Of course, I emailed him straightaway yesterday & today backed it up with an emailed letter but I haven’t received any money. Surprise, surprise. The executor did this to my other family members, told them he would transfer money to them & then didn’t do it & messed them about.

 

[DesperateofDevon]

So I have contacted a couple of other solicitors & after learning of how the executor has behaved tell me that yes indeed, he has broken his fiduciary duties & then some.
I got advised to claim through the small claims court & yes I can also claim for my personal financial losses which the executor has caused by not transferring even an interim amount of money which is what I was asking for. Bearing in mind that he has paid out to the other beneficiaries & not myself will not look great for him.
We do appear to have had some kind of breakthrough.
I got a message from the executor yesterday & he said that if I wrote him a letter saying that myself & my family did not want to pursue the 2nd funeral then he would let it drop & transfer my money to me. Of course, I emailed him straightaway yesterday & today backed it up with an emailed letter but I haven’t received any money. Surprise, surprise. The executor did this to my other family members, told them he would transfer money to them & then didn’t do it & messed them about.

Wow this “solicitor “ really knows how to bury them self!
small claims court could be the best £’s you ever spend. Also surely there is a regulatory board?
good luck sweetheart
Horrid though it is you are getting there & getting answers.

 

[Kikki21]

@DesperateofDevon - the executor isn’t a solicitor in this situation but a normal ( well not really normal!) person. A lay executor if you want to call him that. I believe he was very badly appointed & I believe that my mum was very badly advised to appoint him by her solicitor who came to her house to sort out her will. He should have renounced straight away as he was not capable of carrying out the duties. I have had to help every step of the way otherwise I don’t think the house sale of my mum’s bungalow & my purchase would have happened.
He has been utterly useless.

 

[DesperateofDevon]

Sorry I have brain fug today !!
if an executor doesn’t follow protocol you can ring up the probate office for your area & raise a query
I considered this for “tummy mummy’s” scheming soon to be ex.... but then Dads & Mums dementia kicked in & for me the money wasn’t an the issue as being adopted I had no claim legally but it would have been nice to have had a physical object / momento of my mums - we met & had an amazing loving friendship for over 20 years so for me it was his total lack of compassion & honesty. I know in my heart that no financial gain on his side will buy him happiness so I’m hurt by his callousness but the greatest gift my tummy mummy left me was me.... she loved me & gave birth to me & never stopped loving me.
No money can ever get you that...

good luck lovely
Xx