more hassles


Registered User
Jul 11, 2007
Thought I might have had mum talked in to going to dementia psychologist ,but yesterday had a respite carer staying with her for a few hours and apparently they told mum not to have anything to do with them, so I guess I am back to square one.
I wonder if I should get angry and report this carer to their supervisors or just hope mum wont remember . ( what am I saying I am angry)
I suppose they mean well but I wonder if is is their job to advise my mum about going to doctors .
Has anyone else had a similar experience ?.
I think I will have to pretend that the visit is for me and ask her to come along( feel terrible about deceiving her)
Since mums fall she is very slow at walking and does so with the help of a walking stick or wheelie walker which she constantly forgets to use and I am always reminding her .

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
Dear Paris.

The last thing I want to do is offend your mother, but are you sure the respite carer said what your mother said she said, or could it be your mother saying what she would have liked to have heard.

I know that sounds dreadful, but my very truthful husband is now quite crafty and tells me what he wants me to know.

He needs cataract surgery. Well actually that`s on the back burner now, due to recent posts about cataract surgery and dementia , but he doesn`t know that. Each time he has an eye test, he comes from the testing room and tells me the optician says he no longer needs surgery, his vision is `wonderful` and he won`t need surgery for years.

So I would check first, befoe you consider making a complaint, that your mother`s report was acurate.

Just in case.
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Registered User
Jul 2, 2006
Newport, Gwent
Hi Paris

Sylvia has made a good point, my mum will very often skew things to how she sees it, or wants to see it. But certainly if the carer has made these comments to your mum, I would have a word with her supervisor.

If a little fib works, then go for it if it means you can get mum to the appointment, I'm sure once there she will be fine.

Keep in touch



Registered User
Aug 23, 2006
My Susan will tell all sorts of things. We look at them (sometimes initiallly) as blatent lies, but to Susan it is the truth. Things happen in her mind, which with me sitting there she will tell me something which clearly did not happen, if you can understand what I am trying to say. She will say our daughters said this or that and they did not.


Registered User
Aug 9, 2005
Dear Paris,

If a little fib works, then go for it if it means you can get mum to the appointment, I'm sure once there she will be fine. I agree with Cate. Much as we HATE "fibbing" or deceiving our loved ones, it is sometimes necessary when logic had flown out the window.

You might be wise to let the doctor in on the "secret" (ie. that you are supposedly the patient!) so it can smooth the way once you are there. I guess this depends oin the doctor as much as anything.

Good Luck!!


Registered User
Apr 15, 2007
Hello Paris
I agree with the other posts my mum is the same, her war cry always is, I can't just remember now who told me or she would name somebody, usually the carer, and have a story from them as to why she shouldn't do what ever. I always told mum the government made a appointment for her to see the doctor or who ever else it was that she needed to see. Just a thought, maybe your mum was talking about the appointment and been negative about it,and the carer just went along with her to pacify and your mum now believes the carer thinks it's not a good idea. Hope all goes well. Taffy.