It is now some 4 months since I gave up looking after Monique and put her in a specialist Alzheimer's home... Like every stage of the illness I thought I was doing it too soon and in the end it was only just in time... I thought POA was too soon, I thought Home Help Carers were too soon, I thought looking for the 'best' home was too soon so maybe that is a lesson.
Monique is doing all right there. Well 'all right' is a relative term but I think she is doing better than if she was still with me.. She lost a lot of weight at the beginning, to the extent I was concerned for her life, but is now reaching more reasonable weight levels. They feed her proteins enhanced drinks and diet and she now feeds herself which she had stopped doing with me. She walks better - the AD shuffle has greatly diminished. Incontinence pants 24/7 but she can still ask for the loo but can never find it herself.... I understand she goes to the singing groups and enjoys it as well as 'drawing / painting... Clearly there are fetal accidents and problems but she is clean and well cared for. She is institutionalised. It is her home now and is beginning to ask for her mother again...
She recognises me as Michael but does not know really who I am. I visit once or twice a week and normally she is pleased to see me although on the last visit she was somewhat violent and angry... No particular reason - just a phase she is going through I think. Monique is far more 'insane' than I have ever seen her but then there are bad days and better days..... I think time stands still for her - lonely in crowded place.... At 67 she is one of the youngest but excepting the half dozen or so who are incapeable of speaking she is probably one of the sickest.
I find the visits very difficult - What to say? What to talk about? - we go for a walk across a big dune and look at the sea... we wander around the gardens then go back to her room and normally she falls asleep and I slip away. What she really wants but cannot have in the home, is 24/7 undivided attention of one person which is pretty well what she got from the carers and me when she was here. She hates it if I chat to other patients or staff when I visit her....
My family have pretty well all cut off contact with me - my son has visited his mother once with his uncle - without telling me and our daughter has not yet found the time. Really do not understand their lack of manners and consideration at perhaps the most difficult time in my life but there's nothing I can do to change it - they are grown up adults. Some friends have been wonderful and supportive so I think I have been lucky.
So that's it - I visit the AD forums now and then - without the help and understanding I got from all the folks I would not have made it - very grateful. I see newbies coming on line like I did and am just sad for them.. It is a confusing and unrelenting downhill struggle... Looking back I can see I was pretty stressed and tired... nothing much else to add...
Michael
Monique is doing all right there. Well 'all right' is a relative term but I think she is doing better than if she was still with me.. She lost a lot of weight at the beginning, to the extent I was concerned for her life, but is now reaching more reasonable weight levels. They feed her proteins enhanced drinks and diet and she now feeds herself which she had stopped doing with me. She walks better - the AD shuffle has greatly diminished. Incontinence pants 24/7 but she can still ask for the loo but can never find it herself.... I understand she goes to the singing groups and enjoys it as well as 'drawing / painting... Clearly there are fetal accidents and problems but she is clean and well cared for. She is institutionalised. It is her home now and is beginning to ask for her mother again...
She recognises me as Michael but does not know really who I am. I visit once or twice a week and normally she is pleased to see me although on the last visit she was somewhat violent and angry... No particular reason - just a phase she is going through I think. Monique is far more 'insane' than I have ever seen her but then there are bad days and better days..... I think time stands still for her - lonely in crowded place.... At 67 she is one of the youngest but excepting the half dozen or so who are incapeable of speaking she is probably one of the sickest.
I find the visits very difficult - What to say? What to talk about? - we go for a walk across a big dune and look at the sea... we wander around the gardens then go back to her room and normally she falls asleep and I slip away. What she really wants but cannot have in the home, is 24/7 undivided attention of one person which is pretty well what she got from the carers and me when she was here. She hates it if I chat to other patients or staff when I visit her....
My family have pretty well all cut off contact with me - my son has visited his mother once with his uncle - without telling me and our daughter has not yet found the time. Really do not understand their lack of manners and consideration at perhaps the most difficult time in my life but there's nothing I can do to change it - they are grown up adults. Some friends have been wonderful and supportive so I think I have been lucky.
So that's it - I visit the AD forums now and then - without the help and understanding I got from all the folks I would not have made it - very grateful. I see newbies coming on line like I did and am just sad for them.. It is a confusing and unrelenting downhill struggle... Looking back I can see I was pretty stressed and tired... nothing much else to add...
Michael