1. jugglingmum

    jugglingmum Registered User

    Jan 5, 2014
    5,067
    Female
    Chester
    This is the bit that gets me, as before the onset of dementia many people would not be taken in by these things or have spent large amounts of money. So how can they be deemed to still have full capacity.

    They understand some of it, but not all of what they are doing and would not have done it when they were well so I think it is copping out to say they have capacity.
     
  2. alwaysfretting

    alwaysfretting Registered User

    Jan 1, 2015
    41
    I totally agree with what is being said here! The professionals don't want to say someone lacks capacity because it goes against the basis of our society. So it is left to us amateurs to do right by our loved ones! I am finding this the hardest thing to grapple with! Mum never would have been taken in by this prize draw scam before. I also have to consult her about organising her care at home. She has a wonderful person who does weekdays and I do weekends. Last week my angel was in hospital and mum paid someone £10 pH to do nothing. I was in despair at the state I walked into.I just want to be able to make decisions for her as she has no common sense anymore.
     
  3. MrsMoose

    MrsMoose Registered User

    Oct 1, 2014
    152
    Oh, I'm battling with it too.

    I really do see that my father-in-law's life has shrunk. Being old and weak and in sheltered accommodation means a lot of his indepenedence, his ability to make decisions has gone.

    I imagine it gives him pleasure to order DVDs (that in the end he won't watch) and books (that he no longer reads) and give a generous gift to the woman who used to clean his flat for years (though not well). To feel he has the power of choice.

    And he's been making poor decisions for years. Even when he still had rather more memory. What's the point where you say, 'Enough is enough.'?

    Maybe at the moment the pleasure (for him) just outweighs the harm done.
     
  4. jugglingmum

    jugglingmum Registered User

    Jan 5, 2014
    5,067
    Female
    Chester
    I understand your comments re pleasure, as this is why I have left my mum to buy items in betterware, some she has enjoyed and are useful, some are just shoved to one side, but it does give let her retain her independence for a little longer.
     
  5. Pickles53

    Pickles53 Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    2,482
    Radcliffe on Trent
    I think it's right to step in when the amounts (in proportion to the person's income/assets) are clearly inappropriate and/or the money is being spent on a scam such as these so-called prize draws or competitions.

    Otherwise, we all have different opinions as to what is/isn't a waste of money and it's their money after all. We have a cousin who is a lovely person and perfectly well but to be honest very financially naive. She often buys stuff mail-order or from the TV which never gets used and since her husband died has made some financial decisions which (in our view) are not the most sensible. Sometimes she asks for our advice and then does the opposite! It can be frustrating but we just have to tell ourselves that it's not our business at the end of the day
     
  6. its a struggle

    its a struggle Registered User

    #26 its a struggle, May 3, 2015
    Last edited: May 3, 2015
    Right make an unwise deciion

    Title should read 'RIGHT TO MAKE AN UNWISE DECISION'

    I think we will be judged quite harshly for this ridiculous 'freedom' by future generations.
    A very laudable piece of legislation intended to protect vulnerable people from those who would exploit them has had the opposite effect. Thus the law of unintended consequences bites again.
    We are struggling with MILs strange shopping habits and lack of ability to make reasoned comparisons of value / cost. For example, won't go back to the dentist as her dentures are now causing her discomfort, because she "might need new ones and they are really expensive" balanced against the hundreds of £s spent on totally useless junk from these little catalogues...........
    I also have the right to make an unwise decision, especially if I know i am trying to protect Mum.
     
  7. piph

    piph Registered User

    Feb 4, 2013
    1,530
    Northamptonshire
    My Mum has been convinced for years by all these 'junk mail' competitions, especially the one by the famous 'book club', (RD). We eventually managed to cancel her subscription, but the prize draw stuff kept on arriving for months afterwards. She tells us regularly that she thinks she's won some money, and no matter how many times we tell her it's a scam, she doesn't believe us. Often she orders something, but I don't buy her any stamps so she usually leaves them for me to post. I open them and destroy any cheques she's written. Her main bank account is also a joint account with me, so I check it regularly and have often cancelled direct debits which she has inadvertently set up for regular payments to charities, thinking that she's sending them a one-off donation. So far we've managed to avoid any hefty squandering.
     
  8. Bod

    Bod Registered User

    Aug 30, 2013
    1,142
    Change the solicitor

    As my title says, get rid of the solicitor, they are not trained to assess mental fitness.
    What does her GP/Consultant say?

    If you think she is not fit, do steps to take over, do you have POA's?

    Bod
     
  9. alwaysfretting

    alwaysfretting Registered User

    Jan 1, 2015
    41
    Thank you bod, you are right! It's been very distressing as with the benefit of hindsight my sil and I (both poas) wld have done differently. At Christmas I was staying with my mother in law in another part of the country and mum went crazy with her money, going to the cash point everyday and taking out £300 and then denying it and not knowing what had happened to the money. We think she was giving people Christmas bonuses. She had also struggled to write cheques for my nieces and nephews presents before I went away. And this manic mail order spending. So when I got back I asked her cpn to ask the consultant to do an incapacity assessment so we could step in and handle her finances. She told me I had to ask her solicitor to do a letter requesting it. She had a lovely solicitor who did the PoA last year but to cut a long story short, a horrible woman took it upon herself to assess mum as having capacity, and charged us nearly £1,000 for the privilege! It's a learning curve!
     
  10. Witzend

    Witzend Registered User

    Aug 29, 2007
    4,295
    SW London
    Was she maybe hiding the money.? My FIL used to hide money - in and behind or between books on shelves were among his favourite places - and sometimes it goes to extremes. When a colleague of mine was clearing the flat of an old uncle who'd had mild dementia, she found a lot of money - over £2000 IIRC - stashed away between and inside newspapers and magazines, of which there were piles lying about.

    It is fairly common to hide money and so anything that may possibly serve as a 'container' - an old shoe at the back of the wardrobe, an old coat pocket, a cornflakes packet - should usually be checked before chucking out. (I dare say you are already well aware of all this but I am posting in case anyone else may not be.)
     
  11. Bod

    Bod Registered User

    Aug 30, 2013
    1,142
    Why on earth did the CPN require a solicitors letter?
    The solicitor isn't a POA is she....?
    If so please get information from the Office of the Public Guardian as to how to remove her. (Don't go to another solicitor, go direct to the OotPG)

    Bod
     

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