Money missing

[Peonyflower]

Hello, this is my first post.
My Mum is 87 and has had Alzheimer’s since March this year. Her decline has been very fast and now has 3 carers a day, meals on wheels for lunch and attends a day centre twice a week. I have POA and do her shopping and get cash back of £20 for her every Saturday. The money is put in her purse so she can go out with a good friend on a Wednesday and a Friday for tea and cake in town. She now has virtually no short term memory, but can still hold a conversation, is very funny and friendly and despite everything knows her own mind (?), and still likes to do as much as she can in the house.

For the last 2 months, her friend has been informing me that she has no money when they go out, only a few coppers.
She spends nothing at the day centre or meals on wheels as all cost are on DD. She never goes out alone as she is very unstable on her feet now.
I have informed the Care Agency that money is missing and they suggested I write down on the log book that I have given Mum money. I have also left a note for the carers at Mums house to ask them as money is missing, if they find any ‘hidden’ away to let me know. But again this week, the money disappeared by Wednesday. I’ve searched all over the house in case she is hiding it, but cannot find anything. When I asked her she just says she can’t remember if she is hiding it and is baffled as to why she would anyway (she does seem very on the ball sometimes).

I hate suspecting the carers, who seem to get on well with Mum but have no idea what to do now.

Has anyone else had this problem?

 

[Butter]

Welcome Peonyflower. I'm afraid this is very common. And it is nearly always impossible to disentangle the facts.

My grandfather lost money - my grandmother was finding it hidden for years after he died. In books. Under the floorboards. My mother lost money..... now my father is losing money....

Can you give the money for the outings to your mum's friend? And perhaps stop leaving money in the house with your mum? Some people leave toy money so people feel they have something is their purse, but it has no value?

I would not suspect the carers at this stage ..... but it can be a worry.

 

[Beenie]

The money could be anywhere, when we cleared my uncles flat he had money hidden in toilet roll tubes, cereal packets, in the pages of books and even had some under the insole of his slipper! I'm sure there were other places that we didn't find. So maybe it is still in the house somewhere!

 

[loveahug]

This is such a common occurence and it's almost iimpossible to identify what is happening. Mum went through a phase of putting notes in the dustbin as she thought they were rubbish, but now she seems to recognise them for what they are. Previously I've also foudn notes tucked away under the drawer linings and in the greenhouse She didn't have carers at that stage so I coudn't suspect anyone else!

Sorry for my bad manners, welcome to TP, you'll love belonging here, it's so helpful x

 

[nitram]

I would not suspect the carers especially as they have been informed of the problem.

People with dementia can be very inventive in finding secure places to save something, she may even be looking for extra-secure places as it keeps on getting lost!!

Does she miss having the money, if not give the money to a trusted person who can spend it on her behalf.

Other possibilities are putting it in the waste bin or toilet and more disturbingly giving it to some regular caller with a sob story.

 

[nicoise]

Always check in tissues - a favourite place for false teeth, rings, money...

 

[Peonyflower]

Thank you every one. I am now giving the money to her friend on a Saturday. Love the idea about toy money in Mums purse, I may just do that too!

 

[nitram]

It would be interesting to see if toy money left where the real money is usually left goes walkies!!!

 

[tp18]

Welcome to TP.

If you really think its the carers, you could try purchasing one of those mini hidden cameras. You can google for them.... not too expensive

 

[Nebiroth]

It is unlikely to be the carers, espescially as the amounts are frankly trivial.

It is much mor elikely that the money has been hidden somewhere. This is extremely common in dementia and applies to everything, not just money. The hiding places may make no sense whatever and they can be inventive.

It is also possible that the notes have been put in with rubbish or even flushed down the toilet, either as rubbish or because they are seen as hiding places.

I would replace the notes with fakes and see what happens.

For outings with friends, discreetly passing the money to someone trusted and allowing them to pay as "their treat" is a sensible solution. If the topic comes up about your mum feeling awkward and wanting to pay, advise the friend to simply say she paid last week for now it is someone else's turn.