1. Expert Q&A: Benefits - Weds 23 October, 3-4pm

    Our next expert Q&A will be on the topic of benefits. It will be hosted by Lauren from our Knowledge Services team. She'll be answering your questions on Wednesday 23 October between 3-4pm.

    You can either post your question >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll be happy to ask them on your behalf.

  1. Churchill

    Churchill New member

    Sep 17, 2019
    1
    I have Enduring Power of Attorney for my Mum and look after all her financial and administrative matters. She is fixated on receiving her weekly pension every week and has recently become more and more obsessive about having her money in her hand.
    We have been told that it is unwise to give her any sums of money ( she has already lost money in the past) and despite reassuring her that all her bills are being paid and any other money goes directly into her bank she still is insisting that she should have it to hand.
    She recently telephoned to say she would raise the issue with the police!
    What is the best way to calm her , take action and move forward?
     
  2. MaNaAk

    MaNaAk Registered User

    Jun 19, 2016
    1,295
    Essex
    Dear Gary,

    I am just circulating this thread again although I wander if you could just give her a little bit of money or toy money. Another idea is to give her money then take her out for a cuppa and allow her to pay. Meanwhile if anyone else has ideas please could they share them with Gary.

    MaNaAk
     
  3. Rosserk

    Rosserk Registered User

    Jul 9, 2019
    267

    As long as my mum has a little bit of money she’s happy enough. She still understands that she can have more when she needs it. Does your mum know the value of what she has? Could you give her a fiver and she’s content? If she’s not going out alone the money can’t go far x
     
  4. rainbowcat

    rainbowcat Registered User

    Oct 14, 2015
    131
    Female
    Is she actually using it to pay for anything?

    If not, then get some realistic toy money.

    If yes, then give her a small amount (5 or 10 pounds, with a good handful of change) each week - even if you have to dip into her handbag to retrieve last week's cash to recycle for NEXT week.

    My dad was fixated for a while, and may yet be again in the future, but currently as his obsession is saving for a car (he can't walk, see or hear properly, mobilise, etc!) he's content with me giving him a couple of £10 notes for haircuts and "spends" every so often.
     
  5. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    10,576
    Female
    South coast
    Mum was obsessed with having money and would insist on withdrawing money regularly (I wasnt so savvy in those days), but when went into hospital it was found that she had £700 loose in her pockets and in her handbag. When I cleared her home I found stashed of cash (hundreds and hundreds of pounds) hidden away. Having cash around was her safety blanket - she knew having money was important, but was obviously losing the understanding of how to deal with it. Once she moved into her care home I gave her some fake money to keep in her purse, but often found it one of her drawers.
     
  6. marionq

    marionq Registered User

    Apr 24, 2013
    5,861
    Female
    Scotland
    Money is indeed a dementia issue. We have gone from husband giving away hundreds/thousands to a worthless distant relative ultimately requiring a police warning to said relative, to present day when he has forgotten money ever existed. Along the way I had to cut up bank cards, limit him first to twenties, then tens, then fives in his wallet. Lastly he had a wee leather purse which I filled with silver and copper and he counted that and moved it around his various pockets.

    It is a sad and can be very worrying stage but it does eventually pass.
     
  7. Champers

    Champers Registered User

    Jan 3, 2019
    142
    Yep. This certainly strikes a chord.

    Mother still rings me hysterically crying that she has no cash and must get to the bank as soon as possible to get money - despite never going out and all bills, including mobile hairdresser and gardener being paid directly by me. When I’ve put some in her purse, she subsequently taken it out and secreted the notes somewhere ‘safe’ then, promptly forgotten where the safe place was and that ‘someone’ had been in her house and taken it!

    I got some play money too, following a suggestion on here, and things seem to have been fairly quiet fir a couple of weeks!
     
  8. Jaded'n'faded

    Jaded'n'faded Registered User

    Jan 23, 2019
    482
    Female
    High Peak
    I've just posted on the other thread about hiding things which overlaps with this - paranoia about money seems awfully common.

    My mum is still aware in some ways and would not have accepted 'toytown/monopoly money'. But she knows proper cash when she sees it :) However, living in the past as she does, she's not aware that the big green pound notes and brown ten shilling notes I gave her have not been legal tender for many, many years....

    Point to me I think!
     
  9. Unasmum

    Unasmum Registered User

    Jan 6, 2018
    17
    Female
    UK
    This resonates completely with me and I have tried different ways of trying to deal the same issue. My mother is completely fixated on money and needs to have at least £100 in her purse - because she is going to town and buy some shoes. Fortunately she can't walk far and couldn't find town - I hope! But she can't be convinced that she doesn't need all this money. Toy money didn't work - I was accused of treating her like an imbecile.

    My most effective tactic is to say that the bank is closed and I will get some tomorrow; This usually settles the immediate situation and often she has forgotten the next day. I recycle money too - as suggested by a previous poster - I sneak some out of her purse and then give it back to her.

    Best of luck this is not easy and this forum is a godsend.
     

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