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Money gone missing and no one is able to say where it has gone

Jaycee23

Registered User
Jan 6, 2011
383
0
uk
My mum was sectioned last November and if you have read my other threads you will know that I have disfunctional siblings (excluding me of course :D) When mum was transferred from the hospital to the EMI unit nursing home I asked the social services if they had got my mum's £50 which was deposited in the hospitals safe in case she needed any for hair etc. Mum would not have anything done so she did not spend any of the money. The SW said she would look into it but weeks went on by. Last week I myself phoned the hospital and they checked everything and came back to me and said that mum was given the money with her belongings which is documented and then she was transferred from the hospital in an ambulance to the home (I was away at the time). The home said they did not get any money and that my brother was there when she arrived but they did not know what happened to it. I asked them if the patient is given the money directly from the hospital and they said that is not what usually happens. They asked me if it was in her handbags (she has four!). They said that mum does not let them in her bags and they could not be sure. Mum asked me for money a couple of weeks ago as she said she did not have any and how could she buy any sweets. I told the nursing home that I did not think she had any money. The hospital said that the ambulance driver passed on all possessions to my brother. Yesterday the home said they managed to check all mum's bags etc and could not find any money. So this is missing and I cannot go accusing people as I come to a dead end when asking anything as someone always says they were not there and my brother was but fail to actually say the obvious if that was the case. I feel that I should not let it drop but cannot go accussing anyone without proof. I told the home that with all the stuff going on with my brothers aggressive behaviour they basically let him get away with it and now he may have my mums money. I stood down from POA through very bad bullying and aggressive behaviour from siblings which involved the police and even they said they could not get involved unless they hit me. Well I wonder what I should do, maybe I should just let it drop and hope they home are a bit more careful next time.
 

Noorza

Registered User
Jun 8, 2012
6,542
0
Let it drop Jaycee, the money has gone and you are no longer PoA. I too am being bullied by a sibling who actually called last night telling me I must relinquish on line immediately. If and when I do relinquish it, it will be my choice.

Can I ask you is it a relief no longer being PoA or worse now as you can't find out what's happening? I am considering this.


My other brother has said he'd go mad if I relinquish as the deviants would take over.
 

Forestridge

Registered User
Feb 10, 2013
114
0
I too would leave it but like Noorza am considering standing down as Attorney. Can I ask how you relinquish online ? Am also interested in whether it now feels like a relief.

So sad all these problems :(
 

Jaycee23

Registered User
Jan 6, 2011
383
0
uk
Hi Noorza
I just typed a very long answer and deleted it when I found myself going over the same frustrations and pain I had when I decided to walk from being mum's attorney. When I did this I felt I had let her down but she did not know that as she has dementia. I know I did the right thing but you still have pangs of regret as I wanted to sort mum's house out and put it on the market and know that my sister would never have agreed to it. My brother wanted to rent it out but I know that he would have taken charge and it would have been a nightmare as he has a personality disorder. I would never have done anything right in their eyes so walked away. All I worry about now is mum and that she is safe in the home. They went absolutely ballistic when they found out but as I had to get the police for my protection before they have kept away.
Now if I had had the POA just on my own and not joint with my sister I think I would have gone ahead and done what was best for my mum. But then again I think I would have been harrassed, accused of stealing etc from my siblings and could see them contacting the OPG with their accusations. My brother would be saying to my mum that I was stealing causing her stress etc.
My husband said that if she was paying for her care then her money would rapidly disappear anyway and at what price, my health.
Social Services are presently looking at what can be done to manage her money and I have found a firm of solicitors who are registered with the OPG to look after her money other than the LA. This is an idea I have passed onto SS. My sister has applied for Deputy ship :eek: It is very doubtful she will get it as the OPG ask all siblings for objections etc. I would say she has taken large amounts of money from mum and put her husbands cheques through my mums bank account and withdrawn cash in the past which I did not know about and before I was POA. My brother has been in prison so he would not be able to be a deputy.
I supposed at the end of the day I do not regret it under the circumstances I was in but do regret that it had come to that and that it could have been different if the siblings all worked together in mums best interests. I think that if mum had known what was happening she would never have blamed me as she knows what my brother is capable of. Its sad really but hope that this has helped a bit and it ended up a long thread after all!
 

Jaycee23

Registered User
Jan 6, 2011
383
0
uk
Can I just say that if you are joint you have to write a letter to the other attorney telling them what you are doing with a copy of the required form for them to complete and send to the OPG. I also had to tell my mum that I was standing down and had to confirm this in writing also. I told them that my mum would forget and it would upset her as she would not understand but they said I still had to tell her :eek: If it is only you that is the attorney then you would have to just inform the person you are attorney to. Hope this helps

"...considering standing down as Attorney. Can I ask how you relinquish online ?..."

I don't think that there is an online facility but you can complete and send

https://www.gov.uk/government/uploads/system/uploads/attachment_data/file/208544/lpa005.pdf

to the OPG
 

Forestridge

Registered User
Feb 10, 2013
114
0
"...considering standing down as Attorney. Can I ask how you relinquish online ?..."

I don't think that there is an online facility but you can complete and send

https://www.gov.uk/government/uploads/system/uploads/attachment_data/file/208544/lpa005.pdf

to the OPG

Thank you Nitram.

Jaycee, sorry you have gone through this and for advice. I am joint with my Brother who hasn't seen Mum for 4.5 years but I understand he is returning this week to remove her from the flat in CH she is in as he has had an independent assessor visit her who says she now has capacity.

I am under strict instructions from GP to put my health and my children's well being first after Mum's deterioration nearly destroying our family earlier this year. The ripple effects from Dementia are so sad.