Moms Fighting

[jasperty]

As you know mom has been ina home since November. She broke her knee Friday before Christmas, plast still on, gets very frustrated, hope fully coming off Wednesday. She keeps accusing the other ladies of taking her money, she does not need any money in the home and they do not like them having it, she has lost about £30 in total since she has been there and causes havon accuising everyone, I told her she could not have any, as the staff did not let anyone have any, but every time I went to see her she kept asking me for some money, and last week I eventually gave in and only gave her one pound in coins in a very small purse, as she had lot her other one, again accuing others. Anyway, I went to see her on Sunday and I noticed one of the other ladies had bruses on her chin and stitches, I asked mom waht had happened to her and mom said she had been fighting down the pub, and then went on about her taking her money and hitting her.

I was very concerned about the hitting and went and had a word with the manager, who is very nice, and told me mom had started it and they where pulling hair etc. and had to part them, Mom says its the other lady, but obviously, not. The bruising was nothing to do with it, apparently, she had excaped and had got on a bus and went to a local town and had a fall. Although there is a number lock to get out of the home, it is not a secure unit and this lady got out when some visitor was either coming in or out ( she has not been there very long).

I do not know what to do about this money thing with mom, she gets very anxious about having money and then hides it or whatever and accuses others of taking it, bearing in mind she never lets her bag out of her sight. The carers tell me they have found it hidden in her shoe, her pants etc.

I come after a short visit, as the home is just a few doors away from me and I am exhausted and need something the calm me down.

She had been hiding things at home, keys, jewellery, money. hand bag etc., and accused people of of taking them.

Sorry to go on. I did have a good holiday though.


Regards, Pat

 

[Nebiroth]

Unfortunately this is all part of the territory. People with dementia often put things away in the most bizarre places and then accuse others of stealing them when they can't find them later on.

It is all part of a process - I put things away, they aren't there now, I can't have forgotten because I don't do that, therefore the only explanation is that someone is moving things around or stealing them when I'm not looking.

There is a certain logic to the thought process, even though it isn't really rational or reasonable or relate to reality. I think it is partially denial - the alternative is to accept that I've put things away in silly places, or that I can;t remember what I did five minutes ago. The person will go to extraordinary lengths to preserve their "reality" and this includes inventing people who do the stealing!

It is also equally possible for people with dementia to invent entirely ficticious things and accuse others of stealing those too because, of course, they really can't ever be found, having not existed in the first place. It may or may not be a partial memory of something owned long ago.

One thing carers become adept at is working out the various "hiding places" and locating the "stolen" items. However, the person is very unlikely to accept that they did the hiding, having forgotten doing it in the first place.