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Mom recently diagnosed

Gerikay

New member
Jan 13, 2021
2
0
My mom was recently diagnosed with MCI. My borther and I are POA. How do I go about informing my siblings on how to talk to my mom?
What not to say and how to say certain things. Seems like some have it and some seem to not care what they say.
Any advice would be helpful.
Thanks
 

jaymor

Volunteer Moderator
Jul 14, 2006
13,424
0
England
Hi @Gerikay and welcome to the forum. You may find the following useful, not always easy to do but can help to make life a little easier.

 
Last edited:

Whisperer

Registered User
Mar 27, 2017
238
0
Southern England
Dear @Gerikay

Based on my own experience I would make two observations.

1) Your mum presently has MCI. Does she ever ask how things might develop or just go on as pre diagnosis? What impact did the diagnosis have on her? Might possibly have had little or no impact. How your mum related to it should guide others. Make some allowances if the short term memory is weakened, but “play it by ear”. How things develop, at what speed, etc, are unknowables in specific terms. Do not ruin today by focusing on where your mum might be in say several years. Yes you need to be mindful of acting on LPAs, ensuring wills are in place, etc, but please remember a diagnosis of MCI implies you are still experiencing relatively good days. Take your time and make the most of them. Please be clear this advice is aimed specifically at you. You are showing greater wisdom, experience and thoughtfulness than some of your other siblings. Just asking your question here demonstrates that point. No doubt as time unfolds you will be intimately involved in looking after your mum’s welfare. Have you set aside some time to have a conversation with yourself? How far would you be happy to take on a caring role? I am not saying have a heavy duty internal chat right now but sometime soon. Sort out in your own mind what is possible within your life circumstances, as it seems some of your close relatives might as my mum would have said “be as useful as a chocolate fireguard”. The old saying is “wisdom must be gathered it cannot be given”.

2) Getting any type of diagnosis impacts not just on the person receiving it, but also those around them. Make some allowance for siblings who do not seem to appreciate things are changing. Some will take time to adjust, perhaps an event will bring home the nature of your mum’s circumstances. Some carry on as if nothing will change as their type of coping mechanism. Others may never simply understand. Your mum has you and at least one other child who do understand. I hope others come onboard, as a responsibility shared is one that is reduced in size for each individual. I guess I am saying be prepared not everyone will understand your mum’s most likely developing circumstances. I am lucky I have supportive siblings but Covid19 means it is mostly at a distance.

I wish you well in the future. Your mum is lucky having you in her corner. One last point. Your mum might not accept her diagnosis, nothing wrong with me, etc. If so even as things most likely get worse go with the flow. Read threads here, learn to distract when required, that love lies do not count in terms of character assessment, that “good enough” is exactly that, good enough not perfect, a description which can spare a lot of emotional and physical upset. If those words seem odd at present just store them away, they will make sense at some future date.

In a strange way you are me back in 2015, going to the Memory Clinic and hearing MCI being diagnosed for mum. My observations above distill what I wish someone would have told me back then as we drove away into a new world. Looked the same, felt the same, largely was the same. please stay in touch with this forum, it will increasingly help you. Lovely people, all members of a club we wished we had never heard of, but all supportive, wealth of collective experiences, crucially offering support not judgement. Six years on mum is significantly different, but we muddle along. I still do not have a road map for her illness, but being flexible is the best thing.

Sorry for the long post but I saw you in me back in 2015. Just could not walk on by without offering some thoughts. Hope they help, use them as you will or forget them. Best wishes for the future.
 

Gerikay

New member
Jan 13, 2021
2
0
Thank you for the knowledge you have given me in your post. It is hard to go through this stage of life. I try and do what is best for mom and my siblings. I pray daily that what I do is the right way and in the best interest of mom. I have a very good support system and I lean on these people a lot.
Thanks again.
Geri