Mom has moderate dementia

[Jacqueli52]

My Mom was diagnosed with moderate dementia earlier this year and less than a month ago, due to health issues, we admitted her to a nursing home in town with memory care, they called last night and said she attacked a male nurse, we're concerned is this normal behavior

 

[Sarasa]

Hi @Jacqueli52 and welcome to Dementia Talking Point. This is a very friendly community and you'll lots of support and advice here. Your mum's behaviour doesn't sound out of the way for someone with dementia. The world becomes very confusing, the social 'brakes' that usually stop us doing things such as hitting people don't work anymore and that leads to the person with dementia reacting in the only way they know how when they are upset or alarmed. Hopefully as the nursing home gets to know your mother better they'll find ways of calming her down before things escalate. if they don't maybe she is in the wrong place.
This fact sheet may be useful to you.

Aggressive behaviour and dementia

Read our information for carers about aggression and dementia, what we mean by aggressive behaviour and why a person with dementia may behave aggressively.

www.alzheimers.org.uk

I'm sure others will be along soon with their tips and advice, but in the meantime have a look round the site, there is loads of useful information here.

 

[lemonbalm]

Hello @Jacqueli52 . Your mum's behaviour is not that unusual, although distressing for you to hear. It can be a reaction to someone trying to carry out personal care, giving medication, anything that the person isn't keen to do at that moment, sometimes to pain, needing the loo, being too late for the loo, constipation, frustration.

My mum has frequently been aggressive and I'm afraid more than a little scratchy on many occasions. The staff have taken it in their stride and have become extremely fond of her - and her feisty nature.

It's worth checking that your mum doesn't have a urine infection, which can greatly increase aggressive behaviour. As @Sarasa mentions, the staff will hopefully get used to your mum's likes and dislikes, possibly adjust medication and do all they can to keep your mum calm.

It is very upsetting to think of our parents being so agitated but try not to dwell on it (I know this is far easier to say than actually do). Keep in touch with the nursing home and check how things are going. It's early days for your mum and she may still be adjusting to her new environment.

Keep posting and let us know how things are.

 

[Weasell]

Did they mention what they considered to be the ‘trigger’ for the behaviour?

 

[Jale]

Sadly yes it can be the new normal behaviour. Mum is in a nursing home, immobile, double incontinent. She lashes out at carers - usually when they are helping her with personal care, so washing, dressing, toileting - the carers now know the signs and can usually get out of the way, but there have been instances where she has hit them. I'm mortified and horrified at my mum behaving like this, she was always very vocal about people who were rude to nurses in hospitals and I know if she was aware of what she was doing she would be very upset. It is possible that in time the staff will recognise the triggers that upset your Mum and will be more able to avoid them.
Take care x

 

[Jacqueli52]

My Mom was diagnosed with moderate dementia earlier this year and less than a month ago, due to health issues, we admitted her to a nursing home in town with memory care, they called last night and said she attacked a male nurse, we're concerned is this normal behavior

Thanks everyone, me and my sister had a meeting with the nursing home staff and we developed a plan to make her stay more comfortable for her and now they know her triggers

 

[Jacqueli52]

Saturday night we received a phone call that my Mom fell, she was taken to the hospital and find out she broke her hip and had surgery the next morning, they can't give us a definite of how she fell, we have had issues at this nursing home since she was admitted such as losing two pairs of her glasses, misplacing her clothes and bedspread sets, dressing her in clothes not for the weather, and having medical issues and put on meds without my sister who has power of attorney knew nothing about my brothers and sisters are looking into getting an attorney for neglect, I don't know if that's what's best for my Mom

 

[lemonbalm]

Hello @Jacqueli52 . I'm sorry to hear that your mum fell and broke her hip. Hospital is not a great place to be with dementia at the best of times and surgery can make existing dementia worse, although this can be temporary. Do you know how your mum is doing in hospital?

I'm afraid that losing possessions is par for the course in most care-homes. Residents pick up other resident's glasses and things seem to get lost in the laundry or are used by other residents despite being labelled. Residents are often dressed in a hurry without the carer being aware of the plans for the day. Unfortunately, residents can fall when there is nobody looking too. It's not ideal, I know. Many care homes have cameras installed but not all areas will be included.

I'm not sure anything you have mentioned would be classed as neglect, although I'm not a lawyer, and of course it's up to you and your family how you want to proceed. Taking legal action could make things pretty awkward if you plan to return your mum to the same care home after her hospital stay though.

I hope your mum is doing ok after her surgery.

 

[Jacqueli52]

Hello @Jacqueli52 . I'm sorry to hear that your mum fell and broke her hip. Hospital is not a great place to be with dementia at the best of times and surgery can make existing dementia worse, although this can be temporary. Do you know how your mum is doing in hospital?

I'm afraid that losing possessions is par for the course in most care-homes. Residents pick up other resident's glasses and things seem to get lost in the laundry or are used by other residents despite being labelled. Residents are often dressed in a hurry without the carer being aware of the plans for the day. Unfortunately, residents can fall when there is nobody looking too. It's not ideal, I know. Many care homes have cameras installed but not all areas will be included.

I'm not sure anything you have mentioned would be classed as neglect, although I'm not a lawyer, and of course it's up to you and your family how you want to proceed. Taking legal action could make things pretty awkward if you plan to return your mum to the same care home after her hospital stay though.

I hope your mum is doing ok after her surgery.

Thank you I feel the same way hopefully the attorney will tell my sister that and she will drop it the nursing home said they would replace her glasses and she is in memory care wing with almost 30 patients maybe less and I know the nursing home has a high turnover rate for employees

 

[Jaded'n'faded]

Don't forget to include dementia in what goes on at a care home! As others have said, residents tend to have a very fluid idea of ownership and one pair of glasses looks much like another. Mum would hide/sit on or even deliberately scratch her glasses. Then she refused to wear them saying the woman they belonged to would hit her. She took to weaing a pair of mens glasses she'd found somewhere, insisting they were hers. It was much the same with clothes - she insisted the ones in her wardrobe were not hers (they were!) and that people came in at night to steal her best knickers...

As for falls, I'm afraid they happen all the time, even when carers are there. Sometimes it's just not possible to stop someone going down. Mum broke her hip when another resident pushed her - a carer was a yard away but mum went down on her bottom and.... crack! I could have complained to the care home (it had to be reported as a safeguarding incident of course) and the daughter of the 'culprit' was absolutely mortified. But, TBH, it could just as easily been my mum pushing someone else.

 

[canary]

My mum fell in her care home and broke her hip too. Im afraid its almost impossible to prevent, but at least there was someone on the scene almost immediately. I do hope your mum recovers well.

Things going missing in dementia care homes is perfectly normal. People with dementia are in and out of each others rooms all the times, they dont recognise their own belongings and are convinced that other peoples stuff is actually theirs, so everything gets moved around. I once found mums teeth wrapped in tissue and "put away safely" in the bin!! It is the reason why everything needs to be labelled and fortunately everything eventually got back to mum.

 

[Evie5831]

Don't forget to include dementia in what goes on at a care home! As others have said, residents tend to have a very fluid idea of ownership and one pair of glasses looks much like another. Mum would hide/sit on or even deliberately scratch her glasses. Then she refused to wear them saying the woman they belonged to would hit her. She took to weaing a pair of mens glasses she'd found somewhere, insisting they were hers. It was much the same with clothes - she insisted the ones in her wardrobe were not hers (they were!) and that people came in at night to steal her best knickers...

As for falls, I'm afraid they happen all the time, even when carers are there. Sometimes it's just not possible to stop someone going down. Mum broke her hip when another resident pushed her - a carer was a yard away but mum went down on her bottom and.... crack! I could have complained to the care home (it had to be reported as a safeguarding incident of course) and the daughter of the 'culprit' was absolutely mortified. But, TBH, it could just as easily been my mum pushing someone else.

My dad constantly wore some else’s hearing aid and an almost daily swop around had to be had