Mom cries a lot

Molly94

New member
Jun 15, 2021
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My mom is in the late stages of dementia. Every time I visit her, she cries a lot and seems as though she's trying to say something to me, but her words don't come out and she gets frustrated. I feel so helpless and makes me really sad. She sees pictures of her grandkids and she cries a lot too. Do some patients remember things at this stage?
 

kindred

Registered User
Apr 8, 2018
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My mom is in the late stages of dementia. Every time I visit her, she cries a lot and seems as though she's trying to say something to me, but her words don't come out and she gets frustrated. I feel so helpless and makes me really sad. She sees pictures of her grandkids and she cries a lot too. Do some patients remember things at this stage?
I volunteer in a nursing home. Crying like this happens a lot at late stage. I know, it can be so sad. All good wishes to you, Geraldinexxxx
 

lemonbalm

Registered User
May 21, 2018
1,799
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Hello @Molly94

It's very hard. My mum is also in the late stages and is often distressed and just says a word over and over. When she cries, I just tend to hug her gently, sometimes brush her hair with a soft brush and this can soothe her, often sending her to sleep.

It's hard to say what the person with dementia can and can't remember at this stage but your mum will remember the feeling of being loved while you are there. We can only turn up and do our best.
 

Nico33

New member
Nov 7, 2017
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Hello @Molly94

It's very hard. My mum is also in the late stages and is often distressed and just says a word over and over. When she cries, I just tend to hug her gently, sometimes brush her hair with a soft brush and this can soothe her, often sending her to sleep.

It's hard to say what the person with dementia can and can't remember at this stage but your mum will remember the feeling of being loved while you are there. We can only turn up and do our best.
Oh, your words really got to me today :( My mum was diagnosed with Alzheiemer's end of 2015 and I'm not sure what stage she is at, but she is at home and I moved back to care for her full time. My mum still can make sentences, but sometimes only a few words or utterances come out depending on the day. I paint my mum's nails (which she is very proud of), she won't let me brush her hair! But we dance together sometimes and sing. It's so incredibly sad to see her disappear literally before my eyes it seems.
 

lemonbalm

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May 21, 2018
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Oh, your words really got to me today :( My mum was diagnosed with Alzheiemer's end of 2015 and I'm not sure what stage she is at, but she is at home and I moved back to care for her full time. My mum still can make sentences, but sometimes only a few words or utterances come out depending on the day. I paint my mum's nails (which she is very proud of), she won't let me brush her hair! But we dance together sometimes and sing. It's so incredibly sad to see her disappear literally before my eyes it seems.

You paint a very poignant picture there, dancing with your mum. It's pretty much heart breaking all the way but these bitter sweet memories are ones to hang onto.
 

Max68

Registered User
Aug 21, 2018
178
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Sussex
Same here with my mum although again not sure what stage she is at. She is having quite a few falls and crying an awful lot, sometimes full sobbing with the words "my brain doesn't work anymore". How on earth do you reply to that? Sometimes we just say everything is ok and try and change the subject but at others you can't help but just give her a hug or hold her hand as what more can you do?
 

lemonbalm

Registered User
May 21, 2018
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Same here with my mum although again not sure what stage she is at. She is having quite a few falls and crying an awful lot, sometimes full sobbing with the words "my brain doesn't work anymore". How on earth do you reply to that? Sometimes we just say everything is ok and try and change the subject but at others you can't help but just give her a hug or hold her hand as what more can you do?

Is your mum on any medication to help with anxiety/depression? Something along the lines of Mirtazapine can be very beneficial if the GP is happy to prescribe it.
 

karaokePete

Registered User
Jul 23, 2017
6,534
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N Ireland
I second the suggestion of help from the GP. I used to say that my wife could win an international vest for crying. The crying was caused by those common bedfellows of dementia, anxiety and depression, and the GP was able to help.

The singing and dancing resonates with me. We used to spend a lot of time in Cyprus and I sang in Greek at karaoke. My wife has lost all memory of those times but I put Greek karaoke tracks on our computer and sing to her at home - it's a joy to see her get up and dance to my singing and then being able to happily recall some great times with just a little prompting from me. Music awakens the brain - that's why music therapy is used for conditions like dementia.
 

Susan11

Registered User
Nov 18, 2018
5,064
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I second the suggestion of help from the GP. I used to say that my wife could win an international vest for crying. The crying was caused by those common bedfellows of dementia, anxiety and depression, and the GP was able to help.

The singing and dancing resonates with me. We used to spend a lot of time in Cyprus and I sang in Greek at karaoke. My wife has lost all memory of those times but I put Greek karaoke tracks on our computer and sing to her at home - it's a joy to see her get up and dance to my singing and then being able to happily recall some great times with just a little prompting from me. Music awakens the brain - that's why music therapy is used for conditions like dementia.
That's just lovely.
 

lemonbalm

Registered User
May 21, 2018
1,799
0
I second the suggestion of help from the GP. I used to say that my wife could win an international vest for crying. The crying was caused by those common bedfellows of dementia, anxiety and depression, and the GP was able to help.

The singing and dancing resonates with me. We used to spend a lot of time in Cyprus and I sang in Greek at karaoke. My wife has lost all memory of those times but I put Greek karaoke tracks on our computer and sing to her at home - it's a joy to see her get up and dance to my singing and then being able to happily recall some great times with just a little prompting from me. Music awakens the brain - that's why music therapy is used for conditions like dementia.

A lovely image indeed. Music is such a powerful tool. Good for all of us - and good to read that you and your wife can share those moments.
 

Max68

Registered User
Aug 21, 2018
178
0
Sussex
Is your mum on any medication to help with anxiety/depression? Something along the lines of Mirtazapine can be very beneficial if the GP is happy to prescribe it.
Yes they put her on some anti depression meds but they just make her a bit of a zombie but still with the crying. Had a really good visit today funnily enough., Some crying but in the right places and she was remarkably well. Not sure if the meds have slowly kicked in or it was just a rare good day, but she was remarkably ok in many ways.
 

lemonbalm

Registered User
May 21, 2018
1,799
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Yes they put her on some anti depression meds but they just make her a bit of a zombie but still with the crying. Had a really good visit today funnily enough., Some crying but in the right places and she was remarkably well. Not sure if the meds have slowly kicked in or it was just a rare good day, but she was remarkably ok in many ways.

A day to cherish! I hope your next visit is good too. It really lifts the spirits.
 

Max68

Registered User
Aug 21, 2018
178
0
Sussex
A day to cherish! I hope your next visit is good too. It really lifts the spirits.
Thank you, yes indeed, we were in disbelief to be honest. About as good as she has been in two years! Only downside is 9 care staff are leaving, mainly down to pay. I know there is a big turnaround in staff at care homes but his one tends to have only small numbers of agency staff but that may well change now. How the Government can call them unskilled workers and they make so little is beyond me.
 

Ton3

Registered User
Dec 2, 2019
90
0
We have no idea what stage MIL is in as it seems to change so often, she can be sat upright and alert watching the TV (no conversation can be had though as this seems to have gone) and another she could be sleeping on and off all day long. Her moods can change in an instant from good to bad too, same as her eating and drinking one day non stop happy to take whatever is offered another refusing almost all offerings, holding a cup perfectly well one day and constantly spilling drinks another.

Music does not seem to bring the joy to her as it does many other Dementia sufferers and if myself and my wife (who takes care of her 24/7) dance either together or singly to try to raise a smile she just frowns and tuts!! or shakes her head. She has had the odd cry but nothing major yet so maybe we have that to come.

Hopefully you will see by all our replies how Dementia has so many faces and we all just have to try to be there to comfort and console in any way possible even if we dont know if its because they are remembering past events or people just do what you would normally do and hope its enough for them?
 

Kay.D

New member
Jul 10, 2021
4
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I sympathise with you. My darling sister and best friend is in a nursing home these last 3 years. The guilt I have felt over placing her there kills me. I had to work to pay my mortgage. Her beloved husband died. She has no children. My other sister helped a bit. She needed 24 hour care. I lost a lot of weight myself with the stress. My boss asked me to take some time off work. She has had a couple of seizures recently. Yesterday she just broke her heart crying. She lost the ability to have meaningful conversation a long time ago. I'm heartbroken. Does it get any better?
 

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