1. theunknown

    theunknown Registered User

    Apr 17, 2015
    321
    Unfortunately my mum went from an NHS mental health ward to a care home, and this happened within a space of a couple of months. I've come to terms with this, and I'm happy with the home. I've just been granted deputyship so, after paying out yet more money, I'll be able to access my mum's accounts to top up the care. All my mum's assets are divided equally between me and my sister in my mum's will. It's likely there's not going to be much left but it's my mum's money and, for me, it should be used to have her living in a home that I feel is a caring one.

    The problem is, that quite a few of her things seem to have gone missing. The home informed me in the early days that she needed some shoes/slippers that she would be comfortable with and would keep on. Apparently my mum was often walking around in her socks, which she was used to doing at home. I spent abount £120 pounds on two pairs of shoes, and have never seen one pair since I dropped them off.

    My mum's never been a person who wanted to acquire things, so most of the stuff in her room was only of value to the family. I'd taken things from her home that I hoped would take her back to earlier years. The thing that's really upset me today was that a 'mothers' day' card that I'd painted myself several years ago, and which she'd framed and put on her bedroom wall, was missing. It was one of the personal items I'd put in her room to try and make her feel at home. For some reason, what really affected me, was that the picture was missing, but the empty frame was still on her desk. Because it was a card anybody who looked inside would know that, but they'd have no way of knowing who it belonged to.

    It's like you're desperate to provide a homely experience for the resident, but how can you if things are being taken? At the same time, would I rather have the doors open, allowing those in the EMI unit being able to have that degree of freedom to come and go, or doors being locked? I've decided that I'd definitely like a degree of freedom but, if I'd known then what I know now, I wouldn't put things in the room that have a sentimental value to me.
     
  2. sky90

    sky90 Registered User

    Aug 9, 2015
    44
    Eastsussex
    Hello Bless You. DOo You Think Your Mum Might Of Moved Then As My Mum Is Always Moving Stuff. Let's Hope The Staff Help You And You Mum Find It. Hope You And Your Mum Are Doing Okay? You Are Doing A Brilliant Job x.

    Love Shaunna Sky x.
     
  3. starryuk

    starryuk Registered User

    Nov 8, 2012
    1,299
    I used to take photos of mum's bits and pieces, so that if anything disappeared there was a chance it could be found by members of staff. Some things were recovered that way, although there were others which vanished into thin air...including the right shoe of her best pair of shoes! It was very frustrating, although didn't bother mum at all!
     
  4. Spamar

    Spamar Registered User

    Oct 5, 2013
    6,839
    Suffolk
    OHs count if things lost included 4 odd socks, one jumper, and his glasses, complete with cord, as he used to wear them around his neck. Everything was labelled. On the other had he acquired a shirt, which had two initials in it, but not the three initials I always used. The number of times I put it in the wash and it came back!
    Sometimes it's just slackness - my friend found two of OHs shirts in her husbands wardrobe. In his care home there was one laundry assistant who consistently got things wrong! Then, of course, there are the wanderers who pick up anything they fancy.
    To give the staff their due, they looked in the most likely places, including other peoples rooms, for the glasses. Academic now, didn't have the energy to follow it up.
     
  5. theunknown

    theunknown Registered User

    Apr 17, 2015
    321
    I think I'm accepting that I'd rather things disappeared, as opposed to the resident being in some kind of prison. It's just that my hand-painted mothers' day card taken out of the frame that my mum had put it in really got to me.
     
  6. Casbow

    Casbow Registered User

    Sep 3, 2013
    979
    Colchester
    Things missaing

    My mum went into a care home 5 years ago. She was then moved to a nursing home.During her stay at both homes I lost count of the amount of stuff that went missing. Slippers, shoes, teeth, hearing aids, clothes. The biggest mystery for me was a very long very heavy woollen outdoor coat in bright red.It was to my knowledge never found. If it went to anyone elses room it could not be missed. Where did it go? moving on from my mum ,she died this year on 14th February. A happy release for her and I have to say for the family. My husband was diognosed 7 years ago and the last 18 months I have spent many hours looking for missing items. It drives me mad.The latest is his hearing aid. Still not found after 3 weeks. It is causing so much strife. He cannot hear what I say so on top of keeping my patience whilst he sundowns, goes left instead of right, doesn't know where the loo is, You get my drift.........xxx
     
  7. 99purdy

    99purdy Registered User

    Oct 31, 2014
    129
    Hi, I really feel for you. Lovely pictures of Mum, who died 17 years ago really young, and Dad have disappeared from his room. He may have taken them somewhere or another resident may have them. His clothes are always disappearing and then reappearing. He suddenly acquires new items of clothing. He even tries to steal slippers from sleeping residents!! I don't know what the answer is. Dad is also in an EMI unit for residents with challenging behaviour. The staff are fantastic and will look, and usually find Dad's missing items, however the pictures are still missing. In the grand scheme of things it's not the end of the world but it is still incredibly hurtful when things that mean a lot ie. pictures are lost etc. I know exactly how you feel and hope your card does turn up. X
     
  8. Quilty

    Quilty Registered User

    Aug 28, 2014
    1,056
    GLASGOW
    When you are living with Dementia you have to realise that these things happen. Items get lost, mislaid etc etc. Precious things should be left only if you are prepared to lose them forever.

    So, copy the photos and put the copy in the care home. Clothes are just clothes. Label everything and hope for the best. Hearing aids are a constant headache - always missing/lost/not working. I have cheap hearing aids I bought on ebay as a fall back. You do what you need to.
     

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