1. josey3010

    josey3010 Registered User

    Dec 27, 2006
    9
    Hi all were do i start i am absolutely heart sluffed my grandad passed away on Monday aged 88 years he had dementia and has suffered on and off with his chest. I can never ever recall a time in my life that both him and my grandmother have not been a part of my life i lived next door to them all my life and im finding this so hard to deal with . We lost my grandmother 3 years come this April and at the time like everyone we said i wish they could of just gone together because it was so so painful seeing my grandad suffer through her not being there. But as time progressed my Grandad became his own individual person to us and needed our help love and support may i state that up until 10 weeks ago my Grandad lived alone and was totally fine,my mam and aunt took turns in his meal times and he alwys had company until he had a fall and was taken into hospital since then it has been a downhill spiral he was diagnozed with dementia and then whilst in hospital had a fall and broke is pelvis from then on he had a tough ride he could not walk much and needed nursing home care 24 hours. This last week as hit me like a tun of bricks i was in seeing him on Sunday night i always done the night time visits as my mam done the afternoon and my aunt done morning and tea time visits to feed him. He was so so confused Sunday night really on edge and kept saying my beutiful wife this we had never heared him say as since my grandmothers death he seemed to block her out of his memory when i say this i mean he was too hurt to talk over her. He seemed to be trying to tell me that something was wrong with his leg but i could not understand him that night i cuddled him told him i loved him very very much and left the next day my mam recived a phone call asking how quickly could she get down to the nursing home when we had arrived they said im sorry he has gone we were heartbroken we did not get the chance to say bye they said it was so so sudden and that they tried all they could but with no avail we always said that we did not want him to be brought back why put them through all the machines but for some reason they did but it did not work. We have now recived the course of death pnemonia im so so heartbroken and especially on a nite when its time to visit him i could run a mile i cant belive he died without his family around him and dont know if he has had a peacful death because i wont go into matters on this forum but he was not cared for very well at the home in certain aspects towards the end my brain is in a turmoil he was just like a father to me as mine left when i was 6 months old so ive known no different sorry for going on just really need to vent god bless you all josey:mad:
     
  2. Lila13

    Lila13 Registered User

    Feb 24, 2006
    1,342
    I'm sorry about your grandfather.

    Lila
     
  3. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    17,000
    SW Scotland
    Hi Josey

    I'm so sorry about your Granddad. You and your Mum must be feeling so sad today.

    But it sounds as if your Granddad went peacefully, and quickly. I'm sure you wouldn't have wanted him to suffer. And he and your Grandma are together again.

    Don't feel too bad about not being with him. You were with him earlier, and told him you loved him. He would have heard your words in his mind even after you left. I'm sure he knew you were with him in spirit.

    Take care now, Josey, and post whenever you need to.

    Love,
     
  4. bertie

    bertie Registered User

    Jan 21, 2007
    5
    burton on trent
    hi josey
    am so so sorry to hear of ur sad loss, it is very hard in the beginning to try to understand y these things happen, but ur grandad is at peace now and with ur gran, he will b watching over u i'm sure of that,
    i know the sorrow and hurt u r feeling at this moment in time as i too didn't get to b with my mum when she passed away but know that she like ur grandad would of done that i loved her very much! we too had a very rough time at the hands of the so called caring profession towards the end and mum's care left alot to be desired in the hands of the psychiatric assessment unit but that is in the past now and we have to learn to live with the things that happened to her, all i can say hun is that time is a great healer it may not seem so at the minute but you will get through this and become a much stronger person for it,
    please remember that if you need to chat at any time u can get in contact thru this site

    take very good care of yourself and your mum
    am sending strong and warm thoughts to you both at this time

    love Sal
    xx
     
  5. josey3010

    josey3010 Registered User

    Dec 27, 2006
    9
    Thank you

    Just to say that your posts really do make a difference just to be able to share my thoughts with someone else helps rather than bottle them inside thank you
     
  6. dmc

    dmc Registered User

    Mar 13, 2006
    1,157
    hi josey
    just wanted to send you and your family my deepest sympathy,
    perhaps you can gain some comfort in the thought that your nan and grandad are together again
    take care
     
  7. Áine

    Áine Registered User

    hi josey

    sorry to hear about your grandad. it all seems to have happened so quickly. it sounds like he did really well, to be able to make a life as an individual after he lost your gran when he was already in his mid 80s and to manage to stay living at home surrounded and cared for by his family up to the last 10 weeks of his life. it's horrid to feel that you weren't able to be there at the end. I wonder if he felt that your grandmother was there though, and that's why he's started talking about her not long before he died. Maybe he sort of knew what was happening and knew she was there with him.

    it's a huge loss for you though. sounds like he was more of a dad than a grandad. be kind to yourself. it takes time to get over such a big loss. don't expect too much of yourself too soon.

    hugs

    Áine
     
  8. mel

    mel Registered User

    Apr 30, 2006
    1,656
    Sheffield
    Hi Josey
    I'm so sorry to hear about your grandad
    I beat myself up for a long time because no one was with my dad when he died....but the more I thought about it ...he would have wanted it that way.....to protect us if you like.
    Just want to send you and your family my love and hugs
    Love Wendy xx
     
  9. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,903
    Kent
    Hi Josey, I`m so sorry for you and your family. You have obviously lost a well loved father and grandfather and I would like to offer you and your family my deepest sympathy.
    What came over more than anything in your post was how much your grandad was loved. Even though you are all shocked by his death, be comforted by the love and care you gave him in life. He was a lucky man to have such a devoted family.
    Love Sylvia x
     
  10. maria29al

    maria29al Registered User

    Mar 15, 2006
    426
    Warwickshire
    I am so sorry to hear about your Grandad.

    Dont fret about not being with him at the end. Somethings are just meant to be. He will always be near to you. He knows how much you love him and those feelings will be returned and there for you.

    Take care.

    Love and hugs
    M
    xxxxx
     

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