1. Our next Q&A session is on the topic of Christmas and dementia.This time we want our Q&A to involve our resident experts, you! Share tips and advice on navigating Christmas here in this thread.

    Pop by and post your questions or if you prefer you can email your question to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll be happy to ask them on your behalf.
  1. Wifenotcarer

    Wifenotcarer Registered User

    Mar 11, 2018
    256
    Central Scotland
    When I was a full time 24/7/52 carer, life's minor problems did not impact much on me. I would just shrug, ignore them, put them in my pending box or chuck them in the back bedroom out of sight. I had neither the time nor energy to deal with these things. Now that I have my "Freedom" i.e. OH is in the local care home and I have done all the paperwork, financial stuff, labelling clothes, making a photo album with him, I am struggling to adjust to 'the rest of my life'. Every day there seems to be another minor thing to deal with.

    Yesterday I received a bill for 2 months charges for OH's Mobile Care alarm system. This had always been supplied free of charge. Once OH moved to the CH, initially for assessment, then permanently (when I notified the Alarm Service but it took a month for them to come and remove the system) it became chargeable. Hence a bill for 2 months.

    Yesterday was also the day when my Facebook and e.mail was cloned - by a bogus company offering to give a grant towards self publishing costs, inotherwords, a scam. Yesterday, although it was pouring rain all day, the builders started work on next doors extension. As they have already removed the trees on their side of the boundary fence, when I walked into my kitchen, semi-clad, there were half a dozen workmen smiling at me through the big kitchen window. The noise continued all day.

    One of the things I have been looking forward to is rejoining some of the groups that I have been unable to attend for the past 5 years. I have had a warm welcome from the few who remember me as a founder member and very active in these groups, but they have changed in emphasis from groups who DID things, undertook community projects, into mere talking shops with guest speakers who spout about things that I already know either from way back or by keeping up to date via the Internet. Even the convivial Ladies swimming session I used to attend has changed to a more serious, structured exercise class with no one there that I recognise.

    Perhaps if the weather were better and I could spend time getting the garden into better order after neglect, or find the inspiration to tackle the backlog of 'things' stowed away in the back bedroom. However, all I want to do is hibernate, sleep a lot, snack on pastries. I need a kick up the ******
     
  2. Canadian Joanne

    Canadian Joanne Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 8, 2005
    16,151
    Toronto, Canada
    Perhaps what you need is more time to hibernate, sleep a lot and snack on pastries. You're decompressing from your time as full time carer. What were minor problems then loom large now because you are entering a new phase in your life.

    Don't be so hard on yourself and do realize it will take longer for you to adjust to your new life.
     
  3. AliceA

    AliceA Registered User

    May 27, 2016
    2,518
    Time to be kind to yourself, I think! I find when I have had a big challenge the danger time is after it is over.
    I tend not to go back, people move on, things change.
    There is the saying one cannot step into the same river twice, you have changed and the river has changed. Not on the surface perhaps but beneath the surface the rocks have moved.
    Perhaps rest more, tackle a small section each week, perhaps a new interest eventually.
    Just adjustment alone is tiring, I am adjusting to have a home full of people coming in and out. Quite wearing!
    Yet helpful at this time, give yourself time. Xxx
     
  4. Wifenotcarer

    Wifenotcarer Registered User

    Mar 11, 2018
    256
    Central Scotland
    well there I was, complaining about minor annoyances when boom, I fell off a low stage, backwards, and fractured my humerus on the right arm.This was in Aberdeen, where I was treated by a 1st responder, then taken by ambulance to hospital. There, after XRays, my arm was put in a collar and cuff sling, which must not be removed and given strong pain killers. Got back to our digs at 2.30am, spent a very fitful night and then was driven home, a bumpy 200+ miles trip. To bed, still in jumper and bra that I was wearing when I fell, as I could not figure out how to get them off! This am cut them off with scissors. replaced with button up jacket.

    APPARENTLY i WILL BE LIKE THIS FOR 8 TO 12 WEEKS. typing with 1 finger left handed
     
  5. Philbo

    Philbo Registered User

    Feb 28, 2017
    715
    Male
    Kent
    Hi @Wifenotcarer

    Ah bless you - sounds painful:eek:

    I am in a similar position (not the broken humerus though), as my wife has now been in her nursing home for 3 weeks today.

    I have so far found it hard to adjust to being in the house on my own after 48 years of marriage (anniv was last week). So all the jobs I've been putting off these last 6 years are still there waiting! (various excuses such as "it would be too stressful for her" - "I don't have time. what with caring 24/7"....)

    Ah well - I will just have to create a new set of excuses.:D Roll on summer, so that I can think about making a start.:rolleyes:
     
  6. Wifenotcarer

    Wifenotcarer Registered User

    Mar 11, 2018
    256
    Central Scotland
     
  7. Wifenotcarer

    Wifenotcarer Registered User

    Mar 11, 2018
    256
    Central Scotland
    I certainly do not have to search far for excuses. I am too busy learning how to make coffee one, left, handed, only able to dress in button at the front garments, in pain and struggling to type.

    I came on here to express my relief that OH is safely settled in his care home I cannot imagine the stress, upset and havoc there would have been if I had been still caring for him 24 /7 alone at home when I had the accident. He would not have been able to ring 999 or understood.
     
  8. jenniferjean

    jenniferjean Registered User

    Apr 2, 2016
    545
    Female
    Basingstoke, Hampshire
    Like you say, you cannot imagine how he would have been. I often wonder what my husband would do if I had an accident. I had a rotten cold a few weeks ago and each morning he would say "you sound a bit snivverly this morning" and that was it.
     
  9. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,877
    Kent
    Hello @Wifenotcarer

    I`m so sorry to hear about your broken arm but understand how relieved you are now you are only responsible for your own care and your OH is still being well looked after.

    I strongly advise everyone who is still caring full time to have a contingency plan should they fall ill.

    I`ll never forget my husband being unable to get a drink of water for me when I was violently sick after nursing him and then becoming infected myself. He told me he couldn`t find the water. He was terrified.

    Perhaps your broken arm will help you take things more slowly. Just because your husband is in residential care it does not mean there is an easy ride ahead for you. You have a big emotional adjustment to make and need time. There is no hurry to attend to those neglected tasks. They will wait for you.

    I hope your arm isn`t too painful.
     
  10. Christy21

    Christy21 Registered User

    Oct 9, 2016
    9
    My family have suggested I should have plan B ready, but if I was bedridden there would have to be major changes. Our general plan is to buy in help a few times a day and my daughter has PoA.
    If I died, my wife couldn’t live here on her own, even with help.
     
  11. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    10,783
    Female
    South coast
    Oh @Wifenotcarer how awful. I can quite understand your relief that you are not still a 24/7 carer - he would have had to move iinto a care home anyway at this stage and at least it wasnt done as an emergency.

    Could you afford to get a carer in for a short time every day to help you wash and dress? Or perhaps SS would see that you have a need.
    Very gentle ((((((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))) - so I dont hurt you
     
  12. Wifenotcarer

    Wifenotcarer Registered User

    Mar 11, 2018
    256
    Central Scotland
    Emergency Duty SW team have arranged for 2 carer's visits morning and evening to help me wash and dress. Supposed to start this morning but no one so far. I am still in PJs and unwashed.

    Daughter took me to care home yesterday, OH was in a happy mood and expressed sympathy for my plight and apologised for his inability to help - then fell asleep. I did get a sqeeze to my good hand and gentle 'wee cheeper' before I left, quite amazing, given how he has been lately.
     
  13. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    10,783
    Female
    South coast
    Oh good grief. Do you have a number you can ring?
     
  14. jugglingmum

    jugglingmum Registered User

    Jan 5, 2014
    5,314
    Female
    Chester
    I've been meaning to post on this thread, and every time I start a post I get distracted by family.

    As you are in Scotland I presume the care that has been arranged is free and not means tested under the free personal care rules. I know you are good at putting up a fight for things, so thought I'd mention it so you could check.

    My MIL is in the Solway Firth and had carers come to dress her after her knee replacement and they were free although I wasn't sure if they were part of reenablement or personal care. I got the impression she thought it was personal care but I think she said it was arranged via GP.

    I understand the change in groups, whilst the kids were growing up I managed to cling on to various groups I was part of (canoeing and cycling) however when mum got dementia and I had a lot to sort out and I dropped out of the groups. They've since had lots of new people and so hard to sort of drop in at the margins, which is all I can manage for the moment - in part due to son's activities, rather than mum. I know I will one day, but it seems to need a lot of energy to do it, and I don't have that much - probably spread too thin.
     
  15. Wifenotcarer

    Wifenotcarer Registered User

    Mar 11, 2018
    256
    Central Scotland
    I did ring SW on Monday afternoon, only to be told that I was NOT an emergency and could not jump the queue. Someone will call to make an appointment to assess me (when??) and then will have to see if there are any carers available. Daughter took a day off, "working at home" to take me to main hospital. X-rayed again, saw consultant, who said it was a nice clean break but I should be prepared for the long haul, due to my age it may take up to 6 months to heal properly!!! I've been referred to physiotherapy, will be sent an appointment soon.

    I am exhausted and did not make it in to see OH today. Will try tomorrow.
     

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