MIL with alzheimers


Registered User
Jul 10, 2006
Hi there me again,
I am still having great problems with MIL, one minute she wants to come and live with us and then the next moment she does not. We are a little worried because the other day the social services had arranged for meals on wheels to arrive and when she did my MIL grabbed her by the ears and said she had already eaten a banquet. She is beginning to get rather agressive and we are worried what she is going to do next. They are supposed to be sending someone to help with her washing and cleaning, but I really do not know what is going to happen there. At the moment we are letting her make the decision to live with us or not, but we are afraid that this decision will be taken out of our hands, and we also would like her to live with us whilst she is still a little aware, although not much, but she still knows her son but keeps forgetting me. Should we just leave things as they are or make the decision ourselves and then try to persaude her by giving her all the positives and how she will not be lonely. Any suggestions? Honestly I am getting more confused by the minute, but I am so grateful for be able to talk to people who know what we are going through and can perhaps guide us in the right direction. Thanks once again for listening.


Registered User
Feb 22, 2006
sort of north east ish
welcome eevie

Hi Eevie, welcome to TP.

You say you're getting more confused by the minute ....... that's not surprising because I imagine your mum in law is feeling just the same. You don't say whether she's has any assessment for her needs or her dementia ........ but that might give you some clues about whether it's a good idea to have her to live with you.

Don't have advice ........ just a few thoughts:

A move to live with you ....... and then possibly a move to permanent care if MIL deteriorates or becomes more aggressive, might be more confusing that just doing one move when she needs residential care. Depends maybe how quickly she's deteriorating.

My experience of people with dementia is that often they are not happy with where they are living (wherever that is) and/or they don't really know or recognise where theyr'e living. For example, my dad wanted to go home when he went into his nursing home .......... but he'd also wanted to go home when he was living at home. There may be limited use in putting forward all the rational pros and cons of different options.

You need to think about what is best for you. I wonder how much you fancy being grabbed by the ears by someone who doesn't quite recognise you as her daughter in law any longer :eek:

You might try having MIL to stay for a week or two and see how it goes?

best wishes



Registered User
Jul 10, 2006
Hi Aine

Thanks very much for your thoughts, they are most helpful. MIL has been assessed and was to be put on tablets, but cannot as she has a little problem with her heart. We are taking things day by day and she is coming to us initially for a holiday and take it from there.


Registered User
Feb 24, 2006
Hope she enjoys her holiday, and after a week or two you will know better whether you'll be able to cope with her staying with you longterm.



Registered User
Jul 15, 2005
Hi Eevie,

I had to make a choice whether to bring my Mom to my house or leave her in the nursing home. I left her because I knew she was deteriorating and in a couple of months or so she would right back there. I didn't want her more confused by all the moving around. She is getting the care she needs and I am able to visit without the battles that ensue from trying to take care of her.
Your MIL is blessed to have a loving DIL that wants to bring her into her home !


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