MIL says she gave bank/card details to a stranger who knocked on the door.

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by JayGun, Oct 4, 2015.

  1. JayGun

    JayGun Registered User

    Jun 24, 2013
    We don't know what he said to gain entry, and all she can tell us is "He did it all. He sat there and I just did what he told me. It'll only be a couple of pound won't it? He knows I'm a pensioner. I think it's for the little children. It must be mustn't it?"

    There's no charity leaflet left, or copy of anything she might have signed.

    What the hell do we do now?

    We registered a POA a couple of years ago, but have no idea how to use it. Will the bank listen to us? Should we tell the police?

    Honestly. She's not even safe in her own home.
  2. tmo

    tmo Registered User

    Oct 4, 2015
    I would tell the police, they may have reports of other incidents if it's something that's happened with other people and will be able to provide you with a crime report / number that may be useful when you talk to the bank. I would definitely talk to the bank too, use the lost or stolen card line as they should be available 24/7. If you explain the situation and that you have PoA you should hopefully be able to deal with it on the phone otherwise you may need to visit the bank to prove the PoA and have the details of that kept with them for future reference.

    It's better to treat it as a possible theft because you just don't know, if it turns out to be a legitimate charity you can always set something back up if she has the funds to do it.
  3. fredsnail

    fredsnail Registered User

    Dec 21, 2008
    Most banks will have a 24 hour phone line to report lost stolen cards - I suggest you ring it and tell them it's lost - they'll cancel it and log any transactions as fraud.
  4. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    South coast
    Contact the bank straight away - then take the POA certificate with you to the bank

    While you are about it I would recommend that you remove the 3 digit number from the back of her card so that she cant give the details to anyone else.
  5. Tiller Girl

    Tiller Girl Registered User

    May 14, 2012
    I would contact the bank first thing in the morning. They should be able to stop any payment. It may be better if you can actually go into the branch rather than phoning. Explain to them exactly what went on and your MIL's medical condition. They should be able to sort everything out for you.

    You then need details of the charity if there is one and report the incident to their head office. That kind of visit to an elderly person should not be happening.

    Of course, the other alternative is that it's some sort of scam from unscrupulous people which you need to report to the police.

    Of course, you should be able to ring a contact number and put a stop on the bank card if your MIL actually gave them the card and didn't have it back. It needs to be stopped as they will have all her details.
  6. Countryboy

    Countryboy Registered User

    Mar 17, 2005
    beware of scams when paying with a card the scammer doesn’t pocket your card and substitute it with an the old one If you fail to notice the thief goes on a shopping spree with your card but the next time you try use the credit card and it’s declined when you examine the card you realize that it is not your credit card but rather a similar-looking card with someone else’s name on it the unscrupulous employee exchanged it for an old credit card perhaps one stolen from previous customers that have been canceled by their owners.

    Canary suggest a good move remove the 3 digest on the of the card , actually I myself have done this for quite a while now
  7. jenniferpa

    jenniferpa Volunteer Moderator

    Jun 27, 2006
    Unfortunately, removing the 3 digit number on the back only protects you from "card not present" scams. That is, people using your card online or via phone.
  8. chris53

    chris53 Registered User

    Nov 9, 2009
    Hi JayGun, fingers crossed for you that the bank is helpful, just had a small thought, maybe check with mum in laws neighbours to see if they have had visits by this person, it's unlikely they would have just picked on MiL they usually do a "sweep" of a certain area,either way,genuine charity or a con, it's a wicked way to treat an elderly person.
  9. Amy in the US

    Amy in the US Registered User

    Feb 28, 2015
    JayGun, I don't know that I have any advice other than what people here have offered you:

    -talk to the neighbors to see if anyone saw this person and can give you a time of day or description, or if anyone else had this person knock on their door

    -tell the police

    -go to the bank immediately with the PoA and ask for help; cancel the card so it can't be used for repeat hits from this person; see if they can track/block the transaction.

    If you get a chance, come back and give us an update. Good luck.
  10. CeliaThePoet

    CeliaThePoet Registered User

    Dec 7, 2013
    Buffalo, NY, USA
    She may also have invented this story, mind. I hope you contacted the bank right away to cancel the card.
  11. LizzyA

    LizzyA Registered User

    Feb 21, 2013
    Near Reading
    Hello. We've unfortunately had similar experiences. I feel for you. Mum had signed up to various things she didn't need, including internet protection (she doesn't have a pc) and 2 packages for sky. We acted in the short term by removing mum's cards, cheque book etc from the house. Very frustrating. The techniques used are at the very least immoral.

    It sounds as if you now need a health professional to certify that your mum no longer has capacity to manage her finances. Mum's social worker has recently written a letter to that effect (having spoken to our mum about her understanding etc). This letter basically means that the POA has kicked in and that I now deal with her finances for her. I took the letter to the bank with the original POA form etc.

    Please ask if you need more - having been through all of this very recently it is very fresh in my mind...! X
  12. Onlyme

    Onlyme Registered User

    Apr 5, 2010
    Just a reminder not to let the POA out of your sight and do not let the bank keep it.
  13. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    South coast
    I thought you didnt actually need anyone to formally certify that the donor has lost capacity, unless it is specifically stipulated in the POA?
  14. Sammyjo1

    Sammyjo1 Registered User

    Jul 8, 2014
    I've just registered a POA for my OH with my bank. I had a chat with someone from the relevant department who said they will be sending me a form to sign to say he still has capacity. This means he will be able to do financial transactions as well as me.

    If he loses that capacity then I have to notify the bank. I don't know if I will need medical evidence at that point but I assume it then means if he does do anything it will be invalid.
  15. JayGun

    JayGun Registered User

    Jun 24, 2013
    The card was eventually cancelled.

    The bank wouldn't speak to us, and she was sulking because she hates admitting that she's made a mistake - so she wouldn't speak to the bank.

    The following day they said they could speak to me if she gave them some details and said it was ok for me to speak for her. I tried to get her to read themsome details off her card and she said she couldn't "like she told the bloke on the phone the other day. He wasn't very happy with me. I went and got the card like he said, but I couldn't read the numbers" So who the heck was that???

    We have no idea if this event really happened if not - but you have to proceed as if it's real, don't you?

    She doesn't know how much money will be coming out, how often, or what for. It's been " the little children", cancer, donkeys and orphanages so far. A different one every time she tells the story.

    The neighbours confirm that there were charity chuggers in the area, but they don't know who they were collecting for because they didn't answer the door.

    The police don't have enough information to do anything.

    We have an appointment to register the POA this week. The earliest available.

    This on top of her drawing hundreds of pounds out a month with nobody knowing what on earth she's doing with it is keeping my husband awake at nights. He is grey this week. The stress is making him ill.

    Social services can't do anything - she doesn't need someone to help her get out of the bath and meals on wheels wouldn't help.

    She gets a lot of charity envelopes through the post, and she treats the "suggested donation" like a bill she must pay. I reckon she's sending them about £400 a month. She has £600 a month coming in.

    Social Services say she has capacity to make her own financial decisions, based on their assessment, and she denies that she is doing this. There's no money squirrelled away in the house that we can find.

    It's hopeless isn't it? :(
  16. sleepless

    sleepless Registered User

    Feb 19, 2010
    The Sweet North
    It's wrong, very very wrong.
    Thinking about it, how often do we read on TP of people with dementia losings hundreds, sometimes thousands of pounds to these scammers, and sadly, also to charities.
    And let's face it, the membership of TP who post about it are a mere fraction of the problem.
    There needs to be a differentiation between what someone did before dementia (say £200 pa to charities) and what they are doing since diagnosis. This grey area of so-called 'capacity' is allowing theft on a huge scale, stealing from the vulnerable, and causing untold worry to their families.
    The stories on here say it all -- people with dementia may agree to something one day, but bitterly
    regret it and feel afraid of what they've done the next day. And are unable to deal with the problem, or stop it happening again.
    It is awful.

    I hope you can eventually resolve all this, JayGun, and I sympathise with you and your OH over the stress it has caused you all.
  17. meme

    meme Registered User

    Aug 29, 2011
    Can you not set up online banking for her (you) it is easily done and you can check each day or to see what is or has been going on and to who...and cancel direct debits etc...
  18. Pete R

    Pete R Registered User

    Jul 26, 2014
  19. Mrsbusy

    Mrsbusy Registered User

    Aug 15, 2015
    To stop the constant charity requests coming through the post why not get her post redirected to you so you can keep an eye on it. She may notice it's not being delivered for a while but she will not notice it eventually.
  20. jugglingmum

    jugglingmum Registered User

    Jan 5, 2014
    I assumed this meant an appt with the bank.

    I've had to register POA with many banks and some I can just walk in (SKipton), or get an appt same day, some I've had to book an appt weeks in advance (Halifax). Some it takes 20 mins and I got cheque book, card etc straight away (TSB) and some won't update to my address until I've been in for another appointment as had to validate me first (HSBC - my branch!)

Share This Page

  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.