Registered User
Apr 8, 2008
South Carolina
I know that we are not suppose to get angry with our dementia family members but I am at my wits end. I have a care giver coming in the mornings to get breakfast and bathe my father who is still living alone. On Friday he fired her and was very mean to her(mean is something he does well). This morning I had a talk with him about it and all he does is tell me that he does not need her, he can take care of himself. This is a man who can not remember anything and can not even put sentences together to say what he means. I am so afraid that my care giver is going to get tired of being mistreated and not return. What can I do?


Registered User
Mar 27, 2008
Hello Miggy

I wouldn't worry too much about how you feel. Feelings are just feelings and we humans have to put up with them!!! However, with regard to the care giver, I would imagine that she's experienced in dealing with dementia and will realise that your father's behaviour is part of his illness. Maybe this is something you could discuss with the care giver and thereby put your mind to rest.

Best wishes


Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
I really don`t know what to suggest. My mother fired her cleaner. She used to go round the house when the cleaner had gone and pick up bits of fluff and dirt, the cleaner was supposed to have missed.
Prior to the cleaner going the house was a pig sty. So I didn`t argue and let her live in a dirty house.

I would let your father get his own breakfast and forget about the bath.
Or if the bath is the main cause of conflict, just ask the carer to make his breakfast.

There`s no point in anger. You won`t win.


Registered User
Feb 17, 2006
I think they trained in it so don’t take it personnel as they getting paid for it at the end of the day. Mum also rude some time to her carer. Her carer just said she use to it.So they don’t perceive it that they client is mistreating them

Dose your father have a social worker that you can talk to ?


Account Closed
Nov 23, 2007
Hi Miggy

I would suspect that your care giver is use to this sort of behaviour.
Try not to worry, have a talk with him/her. I am sure you can resolve the matter.
As for Dad, well, all I know is, grit your teeth, and keep going.
Not a lot of help I know, but we are here if you need us.