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Mental health support for the carer (my mum)


New member
Apr 6, 2021
Thanks for welcoming me. I'm relieved to find this space hope I can get some information or advice.
My dad (60s) has been diagnosed with Vascular Dementia, he thinks it started 6 years ago so he may well be in the middle stages.
The diagnosis was made only 2 weeks ago so the family are still coming to terms with it.
He lives with my mum (60s) and they both currently care for his mum (90s) together. She lives in their home and needs around the clock care that leaves them both exhausted. Especially my mum who has to be on night watch 4 nights a week
It's actually my mum that I am currently most concerned about. Her mental health is always a concern. She's on medication for anxiety and depression after suffering a breakdown 8 yrs ago and has ups and downs and is very forgetful, erratic and overwhelmed a lot of the time. She has too much on her plate with my nan, a high maintenance home & garden, a shopping & hoarding habit and now my dads condition. She is bad at self care, always putting others first - and may not be coping now (she continually puts on a brave front) or be able to cope in the future. I want to know if I can get some mental health support for her predominantly. If she is going to care for my dad, she needs a close support network and some professional help.
Please let me know of you have any advice on where to start. Thank you

nae sporran

Volunteer Host
Oct 29, 2014
Hullo and welcome to DTP @Devers. So much for your mum to deal with even without her own health concerns. She or you should contact Social Services and request a care needs assessment to your dad and for your dad's mum. That could be agency carers providing help with showering or getting ready for bed, or even a sitting / befriending service for a few hours one day a week to give your mum some respite. Your mum is also entitled to a carers assessment and my local council pays £300 towards anything that would give carers a bit of time to themselves. I've used it for massage sessions in the past just to de-stress for a couple of hours.
Another thought would be to contact your mum's nearest carers support centre to see if they run carers groups. At the moment that is on zoom, but an hour with people who understand is always helpful. https://carers.org/
I hope that helps and wish you luck.


Registered User
May 21, 2018
Hello @Devers

The link below might be useful. It can be hard trying to help someone who always puts others first but you are off to a good start. The forum is a great place for information and support, and you can post about anything you are concerned about. I wonder if your mum is computer literate? She may find the forum useful too. It sounds like an awful lot for her to deal with. You are probably all still reeling a bit from your Dad's diagnosis but hopefully you will be able to get some help in to spread the load and support your mum. If your parents can afford it, you could perhaps arrange for carers from a local agency whilst you are waiting for any assessments, and perhaps also arrange for some help with housework, gardening and so on when restrictions allow.


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