Thank you very much for all your replies - they’re so appreciated. This is such a new and unwelcome experience and we’re very much blundering about in the dark.
I have pointed out that very fact to the social worker, that when an elderly person, or one with dementia, talks about going home, it’s often to a time and place rather than a physical thing. I’m not sure this even registered with him. MIL talks about how she wants “everything as it was before” which, sadly isn’t going to happen as her illnesses, both physical and mental, have progressed.
I had no idea you could get ISWs - to be honest, we were resigned to the fact that the authorities would just close ranks and we would be wasting our time and be up against it, particularly as MIL is still sitting there being very adamant that she wants to return to her house. I will look up deputyship too - thanks.
Interestingly, MIL transferred her property, in which she’s living, into our names around 8 years ago when she was fit and well. My understanding is that if someone is receiving domiciliary care, when their savings run out, the house cannot be taken into the equation so I assume they won’t come after us at that point?
In a nutshell, what we are trying to get across is; it is painfully obvious to us that the care MIL received at home was “OK” She was fed (meal plonked in front of her), taken to the toilet, washed, got out of bed, put back to bed...and that was it. For £6500 PM she should have had so much more done for her. The carers would ring us regularly because she’d fallen and needed one of us to help get her up, or was screaming in pain, or if they needed to be taken shopping, or her prescription needed picking up etc. There was no mental stimulation, no attempt to even take her into her garden in her wheelchair. Carer sat on her phone most of the day with MIL asleep in the chair or awake claiming she wanted to die or she was sick of the four walls around her. She has another elderly friend who lives within walking distance, I suggested what I nice idea it might be if she was wheeled around to her - fell on deaf ears.
In the CH we visited there was activities, trips, a beautiful garden and conservatory that the residents were sitting in and enjoying, an upmarket restaurant type feel to the dining room with tablecloths, wine glasses, a proper wet room where she could be washed, rather standing at a barely adequate sink. Private bedrooms, nursing staff always on duty. All this for £3500 PM.
It shouldn’t be about the money but with such a huge disparity in costs and a clear choice of which is the better option, I cannot see where SS are coming from at all.
I have pointed out that very fact to the social worker, that when an elderly person, or one with dementia, talks about going home, it’s often to a time and place rather than a physical thing. I’m not sure this even registered with him. MIL talks about how she wants “everything as it was before” which, sadly isn’t going to happen as her illnesses, both physical and mental, have progressed.
I had no idea you could get ISWs - to be honest, we were resigned to the fact that the authorities would just close ranks and we would be wasting our time and be up against it, particularly as MIL is still sitting there being very adamant that she wants to return to her house. I will look up deputyship too - thanks.
Interestingly, MIL transferred her property, in which she’s living, into our names around 8 years ago when she was fit and well. My understanding is that if someone is receiving domiciliary care, when their savings run out, the house cannot be taken into the equation so I assume they won’t come after us at that point?
In a nutshell, what we are trying to get across is; it is painfully obvious to us that the care MIL received at home was “OK” She was fed (meal plonked in front of her), taken to the toilet, washed, got out of bed, put back to bed...and that was it. For £6500 PM she should have had so much more done for her. The carers would ring us regularly because she’d fallen and needed one of us to help get her up, or was screaming in pain, or if they needed to be taken shopping, or her prescription needed picking up etc. There was no mental stimulation, no attempt to even take her into her garden in her wheelchair. Carer sat on her phone most of the day with MIL asleep in the chair or awake claiming she wanted to die or she was sick of the four walls around her. She has another elderly friend who lives within walking distance, I suggested what I nice idea it might be if she was wheeled around to her - fell on deaf ears.
In the CH we visited there was activities, trips, a beautiful garden and conservatory that the residents were sitting in and enjoying, an upmarket restaurant type feel to the dining room with tablecloths, wine glasses, a proper wet room where she could be washed, rather standing at a barely adequate sink. Private bedrooms, nursing staff always on duty. All this for £3500 PM.
It shouldn’t be about the money but with such a huge disparity in costs and a clear choice of which is the better option, I cannot see where SS are coming from at all.