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I’ve not used the recording yet - I’m keeping my powder dry on that one.When I wanted to record The Banjoman agreeing to go into a Care Home from hospital I was told they wouldn’t accept it.
It certainly isn't NHS policy in our local hospital. When my mother was in hospital after breaking her hip last year, we visited her the day before she was due to be discharged and one of the healthcare assistants said she was about to take my mother out into the garden in a wheelchair, she then promptly got my mother into the chair and handed her straight over to us, gave us directions, and off we went. We double checked it was okay because she was only 9 days post surgery and we were worried we'd mishandle her/the chair!MIL was disappointed when they wanted to return her to the ward and asked if she could stay longer outside and we told them we were happy to wheel her up when she had had enough. They declined and said they had to do it. Again, maybe that’s NHS Policy but it certainly made us feel uncomfortable.
...when they wanted to return her to the ward and asked if she could stay longer outside and we told them we were happy to wheel her up when she had had enough. They declined and said they had to do it.
Excellent! I’m cross I didn’t think of this myself!I feel for you having to go through this when all you want is what is best for your MIL. Perhaps you should have quoted back to the physics "It's up to ****** what she wants to do !" when they were for taking her back to the ward and she'd have preferred to stay in the garden!
As others have said, much admiration for such a stance . We're all intrigued as to how it will play out.Thanks for your replies - I think we were just being paranoid and overly suspicious. There was no members of staff lurking around at all today so I think I’ve just become super sensitive.
Sirena, I think your response to the “I want to go home” reframe is spot on! Thank you so much. We will use that from now on. As with any individual with memory issues, we’re realising there is no point in going over the same old story as MIL has no powers of retention and to try and get her to understand the options available to her in deciding between the care home and home care are totally unproductive.
It’s very apparent today as well, that the staff are not nursing her as such, but merely monitoring her. Her daily weight is clearly a concern as it’s marked on the whiteboard above her bed but there doesn’t seem to be any target or focus to her treatment - it had crossed my mind that it was heading to end of life care, but surely they would have told us this? There’s been absolutely no mention of when she is likely to be discharged so I’m slightly intrigued as to how long this will go on. As you’ve said Jaded’n’faded, MIL is in exactly the same negative situation she was in when she was at home - just left in an armchair, only this time in the corner of a ward. For all the fuss the SW made about how important it was that her wishes were respected, he’s certainly not concerned about her quality of life at the moment. The residential home has told us they are ready and waiting to accept her, so by him dragging his feet and dallying her discharge, he’s prolonging her wretched situation.
The domiciliary outstanding bill has still not been paid, so I wonder what this week will bring?
Thank you very much for your letter in which you expressed your concern about all of our wellbeing.
I'm afraid I must inform you that the pressure you are putting me under, not least with this latest missive, has had an adverse effect on my health. I have seen my doctor and appear to be suffering from stress and low mood. Hence, to avoid any more negative effects on my wellbeing, I have to regretfully decline your suggestion of returning T to our property for the time being. I am sure you understand that I have to put my health first, and as I legally cannot be forced to look after another person, I suggest you involve T in finding another residence. There is no reason to put anything on a legal footing as according to you T has full capacity and can therefore be involved in the search and also the payment for it.
But is it? It was gifted but unless T pays the going rent for a comparable local property then it's classed as a "gift with reservation of benefits" so on paper with the land registry Champers owns the house but if no rent has been paid then it's a whole different ball game.It is still Champers' property though