I’ve posted at depth on the care home vs home thread, but today we were summoned to a meeting at the hospital regarding MILs imminent discharge. In a nutshell, she has had 24/7 home care, for the last month, that has been a catalogue of issues with health problems, her unreasonable demands etc etc so we arranged for a two week trial period in a care home - which she agreed with. The hospital social worker called us yesterday and said he had talked to her and she said she didn’t want to go into care, she wanted to go home. He believes she has full capacity (after a 5 minute discussion) and that her ‘wants’ override everything. Despite the fact that we were getting calls all the time from her carer, the care agency said they had no issues with the in house care and were happy to continue (they would say that as they have a financial interest) She has no quality of life at home, it’s bed to chair in the morning, chair to bed at night. She just sits there talking about dying. We strongly felt that a care home would offer her more stimulation, better facilities and more appropriate company. Her memory is appalling, she cannot recall faces or conversations and will change her opinion depending on whom she is talking to. The meeting ended up as quite fiery. For a start, we were led to believe it was an informal chat but there were 2 managers from her original care agency, the OT, the ward sister, the physio and a member of the discharge team., which we weren’t prepared for. The SW told us that someone had reported us for putting her under pressure to go into the home - but won’t tell us why because of ‘Data protection’ He was asking MIL very leading questions about wanting to go back home - of course she’ll say she would! - but interestingly enough she said, “I’ve NEVER have any carers to look after me, I had a friend who used to come in.” So she’s clearly not remembering the arrangements before her hospital admission. We pointed out that if, as they are implying, that she is very suggestible, his line of questioning was also very leading. The SW intimated that, if necessary, the authorities would go to court over this. I’m absolutely destroyed. All we want is to do the best for MIL. We tried home care and were fully supportive of it to start with, it didn’t work. Her mental well being is suffering and we have no agenda other than to make her last few years more bearable. As we don’t have POA, my husband has said that we may well have to say that if the state insist on stepping in - it’s over to them. We will have no part or help in anything they want organise and we will not take any calls regarding issues. We will visit MIL as guests and as we had an informal arrangement to pay her bills, including her care ones, we will step back and leave that to the authorities. She has not been able or willing to manage her finances for years and doesn’t have a clue actually of the size of her imvestments and where they are. I’m ashamed to admit I just burst into tears during the meeting. I have issues with my own mother who is going fast down the dementia route and wearing me out, then to get a SW who has ade me feel an absolute crud, must when we thought we had MIL settled.