1. Expert Q&A: Benefits - Weds 23 October, 3-4pm

    Our next expert Q&A will be on the topic of benefits. It will be hosted by Lauren from our Knowledge Services team. She'll be answering your questions on Wednesday 23 October between 3-4pm.

    You can either post your question >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll be happy to ask them on your behalf.

  1. snuffyuk

    snuffyuk Registered User

    Jul 8, 2004
    188
    Near Bristol
    I am a full time carer for my mum. I have 2 teenage boys. when we discuss various topics re their interests on an evening the next morning they get cross as I do not remember the night before's conversation.
     
  2. Brucie

    Brucie Registered User

    Jan 31, 2004
    12,413
    near London
    Being a full-time carer is something that uses not only physical energy, but also our mental energy.

    Just as we get tired physically, so we do mentally, and we take any opportunities outside the caring to slip into idle mode and re-charge.

    Unfortunately, while we may appear attentive - and want to be so - when talking to someone other than the person we are caring for, we are often going through the motions, so to speak, and the content of conversations will not stick in our minds.

    It is particularly the case at the end of the day that we are least likely to retain recollections of conversations held, because we are so tired.

    I don't think there is much you can do other than explain to the boys just why......
     
  3. snuffyuk

    snuffyuk Registered User

    Jul 8, 2004
    188
    Near Bristol
    Many thanks for all replies.
    snuffyuk
     
  4. Jude

    Jude Registered User

    Dear Snuffy,

    I don't know whether living with a family member who has dementia affects one's personal recall or not. I just find that after 6 months of living 24/7 with the oldies that I tend to operate at their speed and I also DO forget things.

    This may be from stress, or not having to use my brain quite so much when I'm around them - I'm not entirely sure. I tend to write things down a lot more than previously.

    Anyway, do have a chat with your local doc, if you haven't done so already.

    Best wishes,

    Jude
     
  5. Norman

    Norman Registered User

    Oct 9, 2003
    4,348
    Birmingham Hades
    Snuffy
    I recall reading a dementia sufferer saying they were riding along on someone elses memory.
    I'm sure this is true but it takes it's toll on the carer.
    I find now I write lists of do's and I talk to myself more than I used too,and I still forget things.
    It might be I'm getting old.
    I did mention it to my Doctor and he gave me a tonic,unheard of these days,I think it worked.
    Go have a chat with your Doctor if you haven't already been,he/she will understand.

    very best wishes

    Norman
     
  6. snuffyuk

    snuffyuk Registered User

    Jul 8, 2004
    188
    Near Bristol
    Just as an afterthought! When I was in my early 20s I was rather forced into under going ECT. It is the most barbaric treatment you could ever imagine.

    I feel that such treatment could have affects re memory.
    Any thoughts?
    snuffy
     
  7. Jude

    Jude Registered User

    Dear Snuffy,

    Do go and have a chat with your local Doctor about your worries. At least that way you will know for sure and be able to plan accordingly.

    Best wishes,

    Jude
     
  8. snuffyuk

    snuffyuk Registered User

    Jul 8, 2004
    188
    Near Bristol
    Don't want to go near doctor re this problem. However I would like to see my medical records for the period that I received the treatment.
    My sister visited today with her husband and one of her daughters who is at a local Uni. They took mum out for lunch. Before they left I told mum that I was not going ( good time to catch up on things) She immediatley said "I'm not going"
    She did go and saw lots of poeple and had a good time. When my sister had gone I checked on mum. She said---
    "Thankyou for letting me go"

    What is that all about?

    snuffyuk
     
  9. Sheila

    Sheila Registered User

    Oct 23, 2003
    2,259
    West Sussex
    Hi Snuffy, bit of role reversal if it's anything like my mum. I became the parent, the one to give permission and she the child, asking to go etc. often happened with us too. Hope you made the best of your free time though? Some times I wanted to, but was so darn tired I just fell asleep till she got back! I am sorry you are feeling low right now, I would have thought perhaps your GP could get your records for you, but I don't know who else you could apply to. Could be you are in need of a jolly good break to recharge your batteries? Do hope things improve soon, Love, She. XX
     
  10. Jude

    Jude Registered User

    Dear Snuffy,

    I find that living for extended periods with my parents [without a decent break] slows me right down. I also seem to get pretty vague at times and have to write things down so that I don't forget them. I think it is because the whole daily caring routine is so mentally tiring and I seem to just run out of steam to do things for 'me' and I have to force myself to get out and do it now...

    I'm just in one of my 'slumps' at present as I am mid way through a six month stint. I have a long backlog of 'stuff' which I can't seem to face and daily problems [like the washing machine breaking down] just add to the pile of things I can't handle.

    This rings bells and tells me that I need a rest - even for a couple of days, to get away from the routine and endless questions.

    When did you last have a complete break? You probably should really think about having a rest for a while and it might be a good idea to speak to your CPN to organise it as soon as you can.

    Best wishes.

    Jude
     

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