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Memory service are clear that he must cease driving

Banjomansmate

Registered User
Jan 13, 2019
2,352
Dorset
The Banjoman was saying “If I still had a car.....” for over a year after I had to get rid of it. Thankfully it needed an MO T, Tax and insurance just as he spent a week in hospital with an infection and cellulitis in his legs, meaning driving wasn’t possible. After convincing him he couldn’t leave it out on the road untaxed and it seemed silly paying out all that money if he couldn’t use it for a while, I was able to sell it through a friend so it had gone by the time he returned from hospital.
If it hadn’t worked out like that I was going to contact DVLA to get his license revoked as his driving was getting worrying. I think he had a close shave whilst driving in his village and someone had a go at him so I wondered if that was in his mind and nudged him to accepting things. After the car was sold his excuse was always It was “because his legs were bad“. I never contradicted him.
 

imthedaughter

Registered User
Apr 3, 2019
523
Dad still talks about his car and sometimes makes the carers walk around the block with him to 'find it' so he can put petrol in it 🤔 this despite it having been towed probably eighteen months ago now.

We had no idea he was as bad as he was and it was the police who took the keys as he was parking his car just anywhere and forgetting where it was. Dad was a great driver and fixed old cars and drove classic cars, always, and raced them as a young man.

However dad surprised me by not being too aggressive about the car thing generally and changed the story so that he gave up the car voluntarily, which he often tells me about and when he does always commend him, saying how sensible he is, and never correct him.

So I would expect dad to continue to talk about the car as if he still has one, on and off. Don't let that distress you, it's just the way of dementia it seems.
 

Joyboy

New member
Apr 29, 2020
7
martinWL I am sorry to hear of your problem re your Dad driving. I don't know if this will help or not? My husband has had dementia for a few years now and we managed to get him to stop driving by saying that as he had a heart condition he could no longer drive in case he collapsed at the wheel causing injury to himself and others and he seemed to accept this and hasn't driven since. Has your Dad got another medical condition that you could use to stop him driving? I don't think that my husband would have cooperated as well as he did if I had said that he couldn't drive because of his dementia. It is ok to tell little white lies at times like this. Take care of yourself.
 

MartinWL

Registered User
Jun 12, 2020
422
martinWL I am sorry to hear of your problem re your Dad driving. I don't know if this will help or not? My husband has had dementia for a few years now and we managed to get him to stop driving by saying that as he had a heart condition he could no longer drive in case he collapsed at the wheel causing injury to himself and others and he seemed to accept this and hasn't driven since. Has your Dad got another medical condition that you could use to stop him driving? I don't think that my husband would have cooperated as well as he did if I had said that he couldn't drive because of his dementia. It is ok to tell little white lies at times like this. Take care of yourself.
Thanks, but his condition is not far advanced enough to be able to hoodwink him in that sort of way, as yet. He has stopped driving now because he was unable to renew his car insurance and then the DVLA revoked his licence. I intend getting the car sold asap but unfortunately we can't find the registration document so I have had to apply for s duplicate. There is nowhere to move the car to so it is a constant reminder at the moment. He thinks it is all an injustice but I think he may get grudgingly go accept it.
 

jugglingmum

Registered User
Jan 5, 2014
5,974
Chester
It may take some time for the reg doc.

My neighbour sent his off in May and still hasn't heard back (his wife died in May of cancer and the log book was in her name so he needs to change the name )
 

Countryboy

Registered User
Mar 17, 2005
1,494
Cornwall
Re Car Insurance Question have you informed the DVLA of a medical condition if you answer YES the next Question is have DVLA issued you with a driving licence for: 1 , 2, or 3 years that’s it

obviously you must have driving licence though , I have doing this since 2001 never had a problem with insurance and I been answering same threads on TP since March 2005


I have come to the conclusion that if you have dementia and then don’t take charge of your own destiny well your going to get all sorts of bureaucratic rubbish thrown at you
 

queenie64

Registered User
Aug 12, 2020
16
My father has had a verbal diagnosis of dementia from the memory nurse who carried out an assessment and informed us that a consultant had reviewed a brain scan and identified damage. The memory service are clear that he must cease driving and we expect that confirmed in writing shortly. This will probably be followed in a few weeks by DVLA revoking the licence. However I have a lot of problems before that happens. Car insurance runs out very soon and with medical advice not to drive there is no hope of getting insurance renewed - but getting him to tell the insurer is going to be a problem and when he gets the letter he's obliged to tell DVLA himself - but again I am not sure that he'll sign a letter to DVLA even though it is punishable by a large fine to fail to tell them. He is utterly in denial, claims it is a wrong diagnosis (it isn't, that's obvious to me), claims his driving is absolutely fine (and it is not bad in practice apart from going too fast), does not believe he has significant memory loss and talks as if nothing had happened, e.g. about journeys he wants to make in the car. He has closed his mind to it largely. The crunch is coming quite soon because of the insurance issue and I am not sure how to handle that. Generally I manage all financial things such as insurance for him but I am certainly not going to lie to the insurers. Any ideas?
Hello, I have a similar situation with my own father. He really only uses the car for shopping but was very reluctant to give up his licence, as it’s his independence. I laid out the financial benefits of him not having his car, and that seems to have swayed him into giving it up! the memory assessment people told him he could carry on driving for the time being until the DVLA make a decision, but it’s much kinder to make him think it was his own decision, rather than a forced one, of course, that doesn’t work with everyone though 😐 the insurance will go through the roof with a dementia diagnosis. It’s all so much to take in, very stressful for you. I sincerely hope you manage to find a happy medium 🌸
 

Countryboy

Registered User
Mar 17, 2005
1,494
Cornwall
once again for the people with Dementia who wish to carry on with Driving as I said previously the questions the insurance ask and it makes seance to tell the you have Dementia but I can assure I have never been refused Insurance and my insurance premium has never been increased because of my dementia see PDF attached insurance is not a problem please do you own research
 

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MartinWL

Registered User
Jun 12, 2020
422
If a person has been advised to cease driving by a consultant or GP no insurance company is likely to touch it.
 

Countryboy

Registered User
Mar 17, 2005
1,494
Cornwall
When I reply to Driving threads I’m Not suggesting anyone should break the Law But what I am saying if a person has a diagnoses of dementia it does not mean he or she can No longer continue to live life to the full which includes continuing in employment, going on holidays abroad, and yes driving. simple alway tell the Truth not a problem

HOWEVER Is everyone so LAW ABIDING not according to SAGA Report in 2017

Do you need to inform the DVLA of medical conditions and health issues?

Kara Gammell / 04 January 2017 ( 29 April 2019 )

Failing to disclose medical conditions and health problems could risk your car insurance – and worse.

Millions of drivers have failed to notify the DVLA of their health problems, putting themselves and other road users at risk. These medical conditions include visual impairment, heart conditions and diabetes, all of which can have an impact on driving. The penalties for not declaring this information to the relevant authorities can cost you dearly - up to a £1,000 fine and the risk of prosecution if the driver is involved in an accident.

It seems that this withholding of information is not intentional, with many motorists presuming their medical condition did not affect their driving ability. However, worryingly, some did not declare a medical condition to the DVLA out of concern that their licence would be taken away.

If you have a condition which you need to declare, you also need to inform your insurer. You may find that your premiums go up or that you need to seek a specialist provider. However, if you fail to tell them about your condition, it could invalidate your policy – and could land you in a situation that’s much worse, should you end up in a car accident.
 

MartinWL

Registered User
Jun 12, 2020
422
Now at last we have the duplicate V5C document so selling the car can proceed. I told my father today that I would stay an extra day to organise the sale, I will take it to some dealers and see who offers the best price. He isn't happy of course, and once again trotted out his view that he doesn't have anything wrong, the diagnosis is wrong, he can drive perfectly well etc.
I can see that I am in for a hard time, I have got to get rid of the car but I can see a battle ahead. He is resistant to the inevitable and so I can see this being a drama and a crisis.

What's more I have got to sleep in my underpants because one of the carers has apparently taken my pyjamas and put them in his bedroom where he is already asleep!!
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
13,957
South coast
Hes probably forgotten he agreed to sell it.
Could you try saying something like "you can always buy another car once youve got your licence back, but we need to sell this one now"?

I hope the deed gets done and its not too traumatic.
 

MartinWL

Registered User
Jun 12, 2020
422
Hes probably forgotten he agreed to sell it.
Could you try saying something like "you can always buy another car once youve got your licence back, but we need to sell this one now"?

I hope the deed gets done and its not too traumatic.
Yes I am going to try that line. Of course as well as the driving license he is uninsurable.
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
13,957
South coast
Yes, of course, I am not expecting him to be able to drive again, or even wondering about the possibility. It is a love lie/therapeutic untruth to enable him to sell the car.
 

MartinWL

Registered User
Jun 12, 2020
422
Today has not been plain sailing. I sold the car against his wishes and he is outraged and angry. I am now to blame for the whole driving ban situation. I am the devil himself and have done him a deep and lasting wrong. I got a fair price for the car. Hoping that the ranting and raging will pass.
 

Helly68

Registered User
Mar 12, 2018
749
So sorry to hear this @MartinWL , that is an awful situation to be in. I think you just have to take a deep breath and focus on the greater good if you can - he is off the road.

I think getting rid of the car, however unpopular was the right thing to do, however your father will never see it that way. He now has the money for the car, he could never have kept on driving it anyway. If it helps, try to think of your father's anger in terms of what is happening to him, rather than what you have done.
You are not to blame. Give the guilt monster a good bashing. It is very hard when you have to make decisions that go against your parents wishes, even when it is their best interests. A lot of my interactions with my father (who is somewhat eccentric but has no other diagnosis) are about me doing what he wants, like a good daughter. Increasingly this is getting harder. The anger is awful, I hope you can get a bit of distance and time to yourself.
 

Duggies-girl

Registered User
Sep 6, 2017
2,146
If it is any help @MartinWL my dad managed to convince himself in a surprisingly short time that he had given up driving all of his own accord. Nobody had ever told him not to drive again, certainly not the doctor. It had all been his own idea because he had decided that he was probably too old although he had never been unsafe.

I was happy never to contradict him on this.