1. Memori

    Memori Registered User

    Sep 22, 2006
    43
    I am taking Mum to the Memory Clinic for her first appointment soon and am very worried that the whole experence may make things worse, as she still refuses to believe anything is wrong, how can making her face up to her problems help her, she is happy in her unreal world, even if it is very hard for me, I just hope they will be gentle with her and that this is not a waste of everyones time as she will say no to anything offered, other members of the family think it will help for her to be told its dementia, but as she is so in denial how can it help, how did others get on at their first appointment?
     
  2. Petrus

    Petrus Registered User

    Aug 7, 2007
    61
    Northumberland
    Memory Clinic Experience

    In Northumberland, the clinic to which J. went was a 4 hour, weekly, small group session doing arts and crafts with lunch included. The nurses worked with the sufferers and assessed their cognitive function over a period of months. Some of the sufferers created pictorial life histories.
    As an ex-teacher, painter and embroiderer with exhibitions and prizes to her name, J. found the arts & crafts demeaning (she lost her painting skill and ability very early - shortly before diagnosis - and her embroidery ability had gone within 4-6 months of diagnosis). J. loved the socialising (and in the early weeks acted as a listener to the other, older attendees; J. has done Samaritan-type work abroad) but hated the arts and crafts once she could no longer do her own embroidery.
    J. has early and rapid on-set or aggressive AD and after about 6 months the clinic served no useful purpose. This assessment by the head nurse and consultant coincided with my taking the view that it was doing more harm (general upset) than good.

    I was precise in saying, "in Northumberland" since I have read other, quite different descriptions of memory clinics on TP. I know that the Northumberland ones have an international reputation and visitors come from around the world to observe them in action.
     
  3. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,565
    Kent
    Dear Memori,
    Just give it a try, that`s all you can do. There can be no irreparable harm done with one visit.
    I think we really do have to take each clinic as it comes and judge by our own experiences.
    I`m sure they will be gentle with her and not force information on her that she doesn`t want.
    Let us know how it went, and good luck.
    Love xx
     
  4. elaineo2

    elaineo2 Registered User

    Jul 6, 2007
    945
    leigh lancashire
    Dear Memori.It is so hard when denial is seen.From my experience with dad last week with mmse,he has totally accepted it and tells people he has alzheimers now!He only accepted it when the consultant told him.I am not sure if your parent has been told direct from the consultant.It may help,may not.good luck elainex
     
  5. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    10,824
    london
    #5 Margarita, Sep 28, 2007
    Last edited: Sep 28, 2007
    I never perceived taking mum to memory clinic as facing up to the problem to help her . I just wanted the right diagnose , so she could get the right medication and the right help [support ] . never felt that the medical team was trying to make her face the problem to help her

    5 years now and to mum they nothing wrong with her and really if that help her cope I don't mind . trying to get mum to admit they anything wrong with her memory would be like getting blood out of a stone . She does no that she take memory tablets , because she say even now is this tablet for my memory and I just say yes .

    I use to think she was in denial also , but in the reality of her own mind , she perceive its all down to her legs , but then that what she tell me. what she is really thinking only she really knows , I can use to put myself in her shoes in how she feels about it . but that would go to deep for me to go in to . so have stop doing that , so just respect that she does not want to talk about it .

    I would try not to worry about the appointment , as they made my mother feel they where no wrong or write question , they ask her a few question smile nicely when she got it wrong not telling her , just marking something on a paper , they ask her to do some drawing also not picking up on her mistake . with mum finishing of with see they nothing wrong with me and a few other rude words :) then they sent for brain scan .


    In England they repeated this same test in the same way question drawing , also making my mother feel they was no wrong or right in it . which I felt put my mother at ease with it all , 2nd time was not rude .
     
  6. Memori

    Memori Registered User

    Sep 22, 2006
    43
    Well we went, not really sure what to say about it, but it was quite an experance she was offered tablets but refused them, and was not told what was wrong other than short term memory problems, they said they could see her in a year but only if she wanted to see them, and as she didnt see much point she is signed off and is happy about it, I feel out in the cold and that I am left to cope alone, although they did say I could phone them if I wanted, I am left feeling like we didnt get the help I hoped we would, I'm not sure where we go from here.
     
  7. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,565
    Kent
    Dear Memori

    This is a softly softly approach. Your mother was given the opportunity to accept or decline medication, and the fact she will be contacted in a year is not set in stone. That is why you were told to phone if you need to.

    If you feel you would like more information, I`d either see your mother`s GP, allowing enough time for a report back to be sent, or contact the memory clinic and ask if you could have a word with them by yourself.

    Our son went to see the consultant and asked all the questions I was unable to ask in the presence of my husband.

    Try not to feel too let down. It`s now up to you to ask for help when you need it.

    Love xx
     
  8. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    10,824
    london
    #8 Margarita, Sep 28, 2007
    Last edited: Sep 28, 2007
    I would say that is a very good idea get cope of report , talk to GP don't know your situation , but tell them your , your mother carer and they put that in her files .

    my mother at the beginning would not take medication , but like you say its us that has to cope . so I made sure that mum got that medication even if she wanted it or not , but that just me .

    PS also that is so true
     
  9. Memori

    Memori Registered User

    Sep 22, 2006
    43
    Today is a bad day, yesterday was ok, she had forgotten about going to the memory clinic the day before, where she said that she didnt see the point in going back in a year for an appointment, so they left it at that!, does that mean that the nurse who was going to pop in and see her will not visit any more? and that I am unable to ring her if I am worried? back to today Mum is complaining about being cold she is wearing her outside coat she often does this and her hands feel icy, it is very hot in the house, much too hot for comfort, when I try to explain that she is not moving around enough and that she didnt get up untill 2pm she tells me to shut up, at least she ate the food I gave her today and didnt leave half of it as she does quite often. It is so hard to cope with this change of personality, she seems to think she is in my house not the other way around, well she seems to know who I am so far today so that is good, there are times when I have to get away to keep sane myself, I know she cannot help it but I am only human.
     
  10. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    17,000
    SW Scotland
    Hi Memori, it does sound as if you have been left in limbo at the moment, not knowing what support is available.

    I would ring your mum's consultant's secretary and ask for an appointment to discuss your mum. You really need to know what is going to happen.

    I imagine the nurse is a CPN? The consultant's secretary may be able to tell you about that, or you may have to wait until you see the consultant.

    Have you contacted the local branch of Alzheimer's Association? They may be able to give you more advice on where to go from here. It's so difficult when your mum doesn't accept that there's anything wrong. You are right to take some time out for yourself, we all need a break now and then.

    Please try and get some support (local AS will help with this), you sound as if you need it.

    Love,
     

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