Memories of my mum.

[Donbon79]

Hello. It’s been some time since I last posted but saw something today that really reminded me of my mum not long before she died. I have no where else to share that understands so posting on here again.

I was scrolling through Facebook and saw a friend’s video of an old lady with advanced dementia she visits lying in her bed in her room at her care home. My friend had her little dog sat on the lady’s chest so she could stroke it. She just looked blankly at the dog for a while but then asked whether the dog was smacking her when the dog started gently pawing her. My friend told her the dog wanted to be stroked and placed her hand on it. The lady didn’t stroke it. She just left her hand how it had been placed and didn’t say anything else.

Although the woman doesn’t really look like my mum, she really reminded me of her. That blank stare she used to have when looking (or not looking) at something. Something that before she would have understood what to do with or how to interact with.

It made me feel very sad.

 

[Tin]

Think that would make anyone sad. Not wishing to be critical of your friend, but I do wonder why people post such things.

 

[Duggies-girl]

Hello. It’s been some time since I last posted but saw something today that really reminded me of my mum not long before she died. I have no where else to share that understands so posting on here again.

I was scrolling through Facebook and saw a friend’s video of an old lady with advanced dementia she visits lying in her bed in her room at her care home. My friend had her little dog sat on the lady’s chest so she could stroke it. She just looked blankly at the dog for a while but then asked whether the dog was smacking her when the dog started gently pawing her. My friend told her the dog wanted to be stroked and placed her hand on it. The lady didn’t stroke it. She just left her hand how it had been placed and didn’t say anything else.

Although the woman doesn’t really look like my mum, she really reminded me of her. That blank stare she used to have when looking (or not looking) at something. Something that before she would have understood what to do with or how to interact with.

It made me feel very sad.

My mum died suddenly six years ago (no dementia there) and dad really wanted me to go and see her in the funeral home with him. I did not want to go and I know mum would have hated it but I went just to make dad happy. I always picture my mum in her coffin and have to try really hard to remember how she was when she was alive and vibrant. I really wish I had not gone.

I know I will struggle when dad goes (he does have dementia) but when I sit with him there is a mug on the windowsill with a picture on it of dad and his friend when they were younger (his friend had it done and sent it to him) and I look at it frequently to remind myself of who dad really is.

We must not let dementia rob us of the good memories of the people that we love but it is so hard. I look at that mug and I see a vibrant and very good looking young man and then I look at dad and he is a shell of what he was and I feel very sad so I look at the mug a lot.

 

[Amethyst59]

I was widowed ten years ago, and I find it took some years before the memories of cancer and chemo gave way to the happier memories of the fun we had together before illness. I’m needing to remind myself of that now, as my present husband has dementia.
I try to draw strength from the fact that after other bereavements (parents, husband) I have found joy in life again and I have enjoyed Re living happy memories of them. But there are no short cuts to grieving unfortunately...and grieving is what we are doing, whether we have lost our loved ones yet, or not.

 

[Marcelle123]

My mother seemed fine on her 97th birthday, so we took lots of photos and finally a video. Later the same day she fell ill with pneumonia, and within two and a half weeks, she was gone.

The video shows that she's lost a lot of cognition, but it is very touching and she is smiling. I showed it to my brothers and sisters when they were down for the funeral, but honestly, it will be a year or two before I can bear to look at it again.

So even photos and videos which show the person in a good way can be anguishing to look at.

Sympathy & best wishes to you and all of us who are suffering from this painful loss.