So today after my hospital visit ( just for a routine mammogram ) I received a letter/invoice to say that my parents Headstone has now had the work done which was the addition of dads details and its actually already been returned to the cemetery. It was a complete surprise as I had been told it wouldn't be returned until around May. I have to say I rushed to see it and am really pleased as the stone mason did a good job and it does look really nice. Fingers crossed my sister will be satisfied, I have emailed to let her know and hopefully now we can all move on.
Memorial stone has been returned.
- Thread starter Wildflowerlady
- Start date
Im so glad that this final instalment has been completed.
Even if your sister raises objections, ignore her and be glad that you are happy with it.
After this you can safely have nothing more to do with her
Even if your sister raises objections, ignore her and be glad that you are happy with it.
After this you can safely have nothing more to do with her
so glad it has been returned earlier than expected. you can shut the door on your sister and live your life as you see fit. glad it looks nice and you are happy with it. your mum and dad would be proud and i hope you are proud of yourself.
I'm so pleased the memorial stone came back much quicker than you expected, and even more pleased that you are happy with it. What your sister thinks isn't really important.
That's good @Wildflowerlady that it is in the cemetery all finished and that you are pleased with the result. Your dad would be proud of you. Hope the mammogram is all good and that your sister does not have any complaints.
Wishing you well.
Wishing you well.
So my sister replied to my email and apparently she had seen the headstone herself yesterday as had actually been into the cemetery. A strange coincidence really but there you go. Of course she has made a complaint about it should I really be surprised ? Sister says she thought the inscription for dad should have been brought down a line to 'Add definition to his passing' ? The stone mason started dads inscription on the next line below mums and she feels he should have left a line between them. I hadn't noticed myself but presume now this may have been done so that the space at the top above mums inscription and space below dads at the bottom would have been more equal. If the last line of dads inscription had been any lower when flowers are in the two pots at either side of the stone they would likely hide some of the last line which incidentally was the line I added 'A loving husband and dad' which she is not contributing towards. Sister claims she was not consulted over the inscription but that's not entirely true I approached her back in April last year and she didn't want to discuss. When I approached her again later in the year and sent her what the proposed inscription would be she made no comment regarding the inscription other than to complain about the cost in particular the fee for removal and return and totally refused to pay what they wanted for that part of the estimate. I didn't go back to her about the extra line because I knew she was unlikely to contribute more than she had stated she was willing to pay. My sister is in a position to pay so I know its not really about money. At the end of the day it was pretty obvious that dad needed his name and dates on the stone and because my mums inscription had wife, mum, nan, great nan etc which she wanted at the time there wasn't a lot of room left for dads. My partner says he thinks the stone is lovely he said he personally thinks is nicest in the cemetery, it certainly is the freshest at the moment as the words were all bright and stone has obviously been polished again. I think the stone mason has done the best he could with the space available and its very wrong of her to insult his work its a family business that has been around for years so they know how to set their work. Sister has insisted she see the final invoice so I photographed and emailed this morning despite the fact the invoice was the same as she saw before other than the line I am sorting myself. I'm absolutely done with her now just hoping she settles her side of the invoice but if she doesn't then so be it. I sent my daughter and son photos and they both thought headstone with dads inscription added was very nice, that's good enough for me and whatever my sister thought about how it was set out none of us had even noticed.
I think it is no surprise that your sister came up with a critique of the headstone, as she seems unable to have any contact with you unless its to put you down . At the end of the day it's a memorial to your much missed dad not a lesson in typography, so do try to ignore her.
i wouldnt worry. i think she was guaranteed to pick fault with something just because she can. your partner and children think is done well and you had faith in the company. just ignore her, shut the door on her and know you have done absolutely the very best for both your parents.
I think it was inevitable that your sister would complain. If you had put the extra one line down Im sure she would have complained about the unequal spacing!
As you say, stone masons know what they are doing and the rest of the family are clearly in favour. Ignore her.
As you say, stone masons know what they are doing and the rest of the family are clearly in favour. Ignore her.
I would ignore her too, she is never going to be happy so let that be the end of it. I don't blame you for being done with her, I haven't seem my brother since last June and I have got used to that now, I don't have to see my histrionic SIL anymore either so no more dramatics to listen to which is actually quite nice. You do what is best for you and let your sister go her own way.
I wonder how long it took her to think of something she could find fault with? Silly woman...
And now you are free of her!
And now you are free of her!
Sister obviously didn't ponder enough as has emailed me again. Now she's picking on the extra line of the inscription says I shouldn't have had the extra line added on because "She personally feels that the additional inscription looks like an unnecessary last minute add on". If it had been left as per the original estimate and set out she says would have been neater and tidier. Sister stated "I am sure you would have been in agreement with me having seen what could have been the finished result". I was told that my mum and dad would have wanted us consulting more with each other. I'm not replying she is a blooming joke even I'm laughing now. What about all the years she made things so stressful we couldn't be in my parents house together and it was all because she wanted it that way. 20 years or so of that and then three years of caring for dad together and what I thought was us mending bridges until she effectively made it clear I was not to be in his home again if she were there. So four of us are happy no idea what her husband thinks and honestly don't care because how on earth can anyone find adding 'A Loving Husband and Dad' which dad was on their headstone a problem. My mum had lots to reflect her role in our family so it didn't seem right to only add dads name and dates. I'm proud I stood up to her am fighting back ?☺️ and it feels good. Its taken years because I'm now 62 and I'll no longer bend to her wants. I complied before because my parents were alive and I didn't want to upset them any further and its not in my nature to be as vicious as her but her game is now over. I'm only a bit sad because I had the misfortune to have her as a sibling. Just want to say thank you everyone for the lovely support on my thread ?
Oh I see - what she actually wants you to do (reading between the lines) is to dump the lovely headstone, get another one made from scratch, exactly to her specifications, and for you to pay for it! Hahaha!
I think you are wise to just ignore her and not reply. I think I'd be tempted to reply saying that she is welcome to buy a new one if she isn't happy in any way...
I'm sure both your mum and dad would be more than happy with all the efforts you have made and help yu gave them over the past years and would tell your sister to stop being ridiculous and get on with her life.
P.S. I've got a useless sibling too. And I envy people with ones they get on with!
I think you are wise to just ignore her and not reply. I think I'd be tempted to reply saying that she is welcome to buy a new one if she isn't happy in any way...
I'm sure both your mum and dad would be more than happy with all the efforts you have made and help yu gave them over the past years and would tell your sister to stop being ridiculous and get on with her life.
P.S. I've got a useless sibling too. And I envy people with ones they get on with!
really!! i know the feeling completely and im right there with you. ignore her. that is not fair to use what she thinks your mum would have thought. enjoy your life knowing you have honoured your mum and dad with the headstone that shows they were both loved and that they have been reunited now.
i look at it with my sister that she doesnt exist which means i dont think of her or her family and therefore no control or thought. i dont know what it is to have a sibling that is good to have so i dont wish for siblings. i, like you, are happy to go without.
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