Meltdown

Beetroot

Registered User
Aug 19, 2015
362
I know one particular person who continually tells me I should look after myself. Next time I saw her, she asked how I was and I smiled and said lightly, "I have got to the stage where, if anyone else tells me I should look after myself, I will probably punch them." Since then she has not mentioned me looking after myself. Sending supportive thoughts from "across the Irish Sea".
 

Scarlett123

Registered User
Apr 30, 2013
3,802
Essex
My Dad used to use a phrase "barrack room lawyers", and I suppose we have "comfortable in our Alzheimer-free lives" people, who we thought were friends, or relations, who offer advice by the ton, but are short on solutions. I've just posted on the Dealing With Loss site, about a friend of over 20 years, who upset me dreadfully with callous remarks.

Yes, all these people seem to vaporise when the going gets tough, and though they all urge you, repeatedly, to make some time for yourself, I think they reckon there's a Fairy Godmother who's going to wave her wand, and make that happen.

Then they probably say to other people "well, I've told her she's got to make some time for herself, but you know her, she just won't listen". :mad::mad::mad:
 

Slugsta

Registered User
Aug 25, 2015
2,762
South coast of England
((Aisling)) you sound utterly exhausted. Not surprising considering everything you are having to deal with :( I so wish there was something I could do other than offer you cyber hugs.
 

Scarlett123

Registered User
Apr 30, 2013
3,802
Essex
((Aisling)) you sound utterly exhausted. Not surprising considering everything you are having to deal with :( I so wish there was something I could do other than offer you cyber hugs.
Oh Slugsta, I know what you mean but in my experience, I treasured those cyber hugs when the whatsit hit the fan, and I just couldn't cope any more. Just to know that there were a group of people who really understood, is so comforting.
 

Aisling

Registered User
Dec 5, 2015
1,807
Ireland
((Aisling)) you sound utterly exhausted. Not surprising considering everything you are having to deal with :( I so wish there was something I could do other than offer you cyber hugs.
Hi everyone,

Thanks for all your support. Yes indeed, "friends" including church friends have all disappeared. Am so sorry others are experiencing similar problems but it is a comfort to know I am not alone.

In Ireland country funerals are large affairs. When my brother died there were hundreds of people at it. After his burial, we were having some tea etc and a distant relation called in to ask T to take her for a drive!! I told her I was in no form to have silly conversations with her and away out with me to have a cigarette!! She kept rabbiting in T,s ear so my son drove me home. If anything happened to T we would be surrounded by crowds and wailing relations!! Not a sign of anyone now that I could use a bit of help. May the good Lord forgive me.

On a lighter note my hair is getting longer!! Think I might try putting it up in a pony tail! Or maybe get a sparkler hair net!!

My sister got me two Christmas presents and lost one of them! Not unusual! Anyway she found it yesterday. A nice jacket.

Asked the chemist about Valium! He said it was not a good idea as they are addictive and I would loose my sense of humour!! Can't be having that happen.

Cats (Slella and Cosmo ) went missing tonight but I found them asleep in the car.

A huge thank you to everyone.

Aisling (Ireland)
 

Aisling

Registered User
Dec 5, 2015
1,807
Ireland
Meltdowns

Good morning everyone,

Tablets T was given to help him sleep are having the opposite effect. Won't get into bed at night! Pacing around and moving stuff till the early hours and wanting to go home. No sleep again last night. We go our breakfast and now he is tired and needs to sleep so he is back in bed. Am beside him and might get a sleep too before I go stark raving mad! It reminds me of when our son was a baby, when he slept I slept too!!

Separate bedroom didn't work out at all!

Every day is so different as you all know.

Talking Point keeps me sane.

Thanks for all your replies.

Aisling, ( Ireland)
 

Lilac Blossom

Registered User
Oct 6, 2014
545
Scotland
Oh dear Aisling I've been wondering how you are, hoping you had a restful night. I'm sorry that T's meds have not had the desired effect. Hope your GP can prescribe another med which will be successful. Maybe a wee nap will just help you carry on today but it's so exhausting not having sleep night after night.

You're right when you say " It reminds me of when our son was a baby, when he slept I slept too!!" - I often think hubby is like a toddler in reverse!!

Blessings and a wee hug from Lilac in Scotland xx
 

esmeralda

Registered User
Nov 27, 2014
3,072
Devon
The nights seem so long when there is no rest Aisling. Hope you are both sleeping right now, maybe the meds take a little while to become effective. Hope things improve for you soon. A little hug from Devon too.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
 

Aisling

Registered User
Dec 5, 2015
1,807
Ireland
Ah my dear Aisling, you are not ranting at all. No wonder you are completely worn out with T being so active - you can't keep up with dealing with one catastrophe after another and never a chance to relax, cannot turn your back on him for an instant.

My OH has poor mobility which brings a different set of problems but not the constant activity you have to contend with.

What I can fully identify with is what happens with friends and relations. I'm sorry it's so bad for you - people can be a real disappointment, especially when it's relatives. I have a brother who lives just five minute walk from our house (although of course they do not walk) he and his wife announce in advance that they will visit on a certain date, usually this only happens once a year - not good for my blood pressure either..

Friends have disappeared over the years hubby has been ill. "Church friends" have been a disappointment. We were always involved with church and at first many of them said we'll pop in to visit and I was so pleased . One or two did visit once - we'll be back, they said, but never did come again. Only one man did continue visiting and I was so pleased he did as he and hubby enjoyed one another's company. Unfortunately he became ill and died last year.

J has a care worker for half hour in the morning to help with washing/dressing otherwise I do everything else. The only other thing is, we have Crossroads sitting service once a week - three hours on a Tuesday. It used to be free but there is going to be a charge for this service - they will be notifying me soon. Do you have Crossroads in Ireland? Lol, like you, I wonder what is wrong with my hair (I don't look in the mirror too often) - everyone seems to expect me to go to the hairdresser on "Crossroads day".

Sorry, rambling on a bit. (((hugs)))

Lilac xx
Hi Lilac,

How are you today?

Aisling(Ireland)
 

Aisling

Registered User
Dec 5, 2015
1,807
Ireland
Aisling and Lilac it's hard enough when you've got a bit of help but do so feel for you both coping alone. Hope things improve Aisling but if not would call your GP. You can't go on like this. Huge hugs. xxx


Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
Hi Jinx,

Thank you. Am taking T to GP tomorrow. I have to get sleep soon!!

Aisling
 

kezzahana

Registered User
Aug 3, 2014
8
Kent
Can't care for husband anymore

If you've made the decision you can't cope anymore but doctors and social services won't put husband in up care home what can I do?
 

Casbow

Registered User
Sep 3, 2013
1,002
Colchester
Aisling and Lilac it's hard enough when you've got a bit of help but do so feel for you both coping alone. Hope things improve Aisling but if not would call your GP. You can't go on like this. Huge hugs. xxx


Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
So sorry to hear this Aisling. I have been in similar situation when hubby was given new medication. For the first 3 weeks the side effects were terrible. I never thought I would cope and then it started to get better and since then mostly ok with the toilet. I do hope it will settle quickly for you. It is exhausting to deal with and keeping our patience. I am also on my own which makes it even harder to "clear up" when they won't give you space to get on with it. My husband had two water infections. I have learnt to always leave a cold drink wherever he will be most likely to see it and drink it. Husband had two very bad infections as I didn't pick up on how many hot drinks he was leaving because they had gone cold and so he left them. Now he is drinking more. Fingers tightly crossed. Lots of love and hope this improves quickly for you.xxxx
 

Lavender45

Registered User
Jun 7, 2015
1,598
Liverpool
If you've made the decision you can't cope anymore but doctors and social services won't put husband in up care home what can I do?
Hi kezzahana

I'm sorry you must be having a really tough time at the moment. I wish I had some advice to offer, but I've no experience of trying to sort out care. I'm hoping my response will bump your question up as I'm sure some more experienced people than me can help you out.

Hoping a virtual (((hug))) helps just a little.

Lavender x
 

Scarlett123

Registered User
Apr 30, 2013
3,802
Essex
If you've made the decision you can't cope anymore but doctors and social services won't put husband in up care home what can I do?
They have a Duty Of Care to make sure your husband is looked after, if you can't cope. I know it's hard for you, but what were the circumstances, Sweetie? Did you contact SS and your GP, and they refused to help?
 

Adelaide

Registered User
May 24, 2016
18
Aisling .... you were taking OH to doc. What happened?

They have a Duty Of Care to make sure your husband is looked after, if you can't cope. I know it's hard for you, but what were the circumstances, Sweetie? Did you contact SS and your GP, and they refused to help?
I know you are in the south, and I am going over to help with brother, in the north. And I know we have different support services, but we do have Corssroads. But no way would my brother stay in a day care.
My heart just went out to you .... I'm doing a lot of reading as of course this site is the BEST source of info.
And we are preparing to move my brother to residential care. SIL simply can't go on.
As always, I'm in awe at the literacy of the Irish (not us Norn irshers, we're just mongrels with a good educational system) and when you write I live what you are saying. My brother has some symptoms worse than others I've read about, and some not at all .... I loved that comment about "if you've met one person with dementia, you've met one person with dementia".
Anyway, you had me on the edge of my seat when you were taking T to the GP ... what happened next?
And I don't know the system down there .... if you can't afford a CH, what happens when for his own safety and thwt of others, he simply has to be in care?
Thinking of you .... Addie.
 

1mindy

Registered User
Jul 21, 2015
539
Shropshire
Oh Aisling. How low must you be feeling now. Respite is a great relief but is just for such a short while. Can your husband go for a week on a regular basis. My OH is now in full time care but the expense is crippling and worrying as we have no help yet except AA. Waiting for the CHC meeting . The only thing I would say is I went on far too long , I lost the person I was and my OH was lost too. My children said they had lost dad but felt they were loosing me . As it was I had no choices because of his final violent act. He is so much more settled now and well cared for with so much to do in his day that I now realise I could not provide. I know help is hard to find but shout a bit louder. This is detrimental to your health in a big way. I am now finding my old self amongst the very teary days, but am beginning to feel much more alive , very lonely but more alive. You take care of yourself
 

Aisling

Registered User
Dec 5, 2015
1,807
Ireland
Oh Aisling. How low must you be feeling now. Respite is a great relief but is just for such a short while. Can your husband go for a week on a regular basis. My OH is now in full time care but the expense is crippling and worrying as we have no help yet except AA. Waiting for the CHC meeting . The only thing I would say is I went on far too long , I lost the person I was and my OH was lost too. My children said they had lost dad but felt they were loosing me . As it was I had no choices because of his final violent act. He is so much more settled now and well cared for with so much to do in his day that I now realise I could not provide. I know help is hard to find but shout a bit louder. This is detrimental to your health in a big way. I am now finding my old self amongst the very teary days, but am beginning to feel much more alive , very lonely but more alive. You take care of yourself

Thank you Mindy,

Aishling
 

pamann

Registered User
Oct 28, 2013
2,635
Kent
Hello Aisling, so sorry you are going through what l did 9months ago, l went to see my Dr and said l can not cope anymore l was almost at breaking point, which she could see, some Dr's just do not understand what you are going through, l just hope something gets sorted out for you, sending you a (((((BIG HUG)))))