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Meltdown

Aisling

Registered User
Dec 5, 2015
1,806
Ireland
help please. T came home from Respite yesterday. Am in total meltdown!! Toileting is a major problem. He has infection and antibiotics are making him drowsy. He went for a rest and I am sitting on floor outside his room. Can't risk going downstairs to clean up toilet accidents. It is a small problem really but am totally overwhelmed. Tears everywhere and feel so alone.

Aisling (Ireland)
 

Mrsbusy

Registered User
Aug 15, 2015
355
Sorry can't be much help, but can only sympathise and send you a hug. Hope it helps. I too would be doing exactly the same if I was you. Maybe the antibiotics will help to clear the infection and once better his toile ting will calm down a little. Probably the changes etc have a knock on effect don't they.

If you can, deep breaths and a cuppa, you have earned it.

I'm currently trying to calm down and think positive after another teenager meltdown! He has anxiety issues, I have constant aggro.
 

Shedrech

Volunteer Moderator
Dec 15, 2012
9,161
Yorkshire
Hi Aisling
I hope you were able to breathe for a while and just be still
sometimes it's just the one extra chore that pushes us over the edge for a while
nothing will disintegrate if you put it off for a bit
so go gently, and go slowly

and waft a few sprays of your favourite scent into the air ;)
 

2jays

Registered User
Jun 4, 2010
11,598
West Midlands
All I can do is hold your hand and send a hug. Hoping things improve for you xxxxx


Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
 

garnuft

Registered User
Sep 7, 2012
6,585
So sorry to hear how low you've been driven.

You have every right to feel overwhelmed and despairing, I don't think it's a small problem at all, I've found toileting issues to be the most challenging part of my caring role and time and practise never makes it any easier.

I hope the day has some better moments for you. x
 

Aisling

Registered User
Dec 5, 2015
1,806
Ireland
Sorry can't be much help, but can only sympathise and send you a hug. Hope it helps. I too would be doing exactly the same if I was you. Maybe the antibiotics will help to clear the infection and once better his toile ting will calm down a little. Probably the changes etc have a knock on effect don't they.

If you can, deep breaths and a cuppa, you have earned it.

I'm currently trying to calm down and think positive after another teenager meltdown! He has anxiety issues, I have constant aggro.

Thank you. I can't find your posts so am not sure I can help you with teenagers. In another life I worked with teenagers so if you think I can help let me know please.

Aisling ( Ireland)
 

Aisling

Registered User
Dec 5, 2015
1,806
Ireland
Hi Aisling
I hope you were able to breathe for a while and just be still
sometimes it's just the one extra chore that pushes us over the edge for a while
nothing will disintegrate if you put it off for a bit
so go gently, and go slowly

and waft a few sprays of your favourite scent into the air ;)

You are so right. I literally have no one to give me a hand and get out of my depth.

Aisling
 

Aisling

Registered User
Dec 5, 2015
1,806
Ireland
So sorry to hear how low you've been driven.

You have every right to feel overwhelmed and despairing, I don't think it's a small problem at all, I've found toileting issues to be the most challenging part of my caring role and time and practise never makes it any easier.

I hope the day has some better moments for you. x
Thank you so much. Toileting issues are totally overwhelming me.

Aisling ( Ireland)
 

Scarlett123

Registered User
Apr 30, 2013
3,802
Essex
There are loads of TP-ers, reading your posts unable to offer any help, but giving you all their sympathy, and hugs xxx
 

Aisling

Registered User
Dec 5, 2015
1,806
Ireland
There are loads of TP-ers, reading your posts unable to offer any help, but giving you all their sympathy, and hugs xxx
Thank you very much Scarlett. T got tired earlier but now he is walking around hallucinating. It is going to be a long night. No sleep! Great to have support as I am completely on my own.

Aisling. Xx
 

Lilac Blossom

Registered User
Oct 6, 2014
564
Scotland
Dear Aisling - Sorry things are so hard for you and especially dealing with everything on your own. I hope you managed to get some sleep.

I have no-one to help either so I can understand the loneliness - thankful for the support on TP.

(((Hugs)))
 

Scarlett123

Registered User
Apr 30, 2013
3,802
Essex
Lilac Blossom, I know just how hard it is coping on your own. :( I wish I could do something to help you, but again, can only offer you my sympathy, understanding and a cyber shoulder xxx
 

Aisling

Registered User
Dec 5, 2015
1,806
Ireland
Dear Aisling - Sorry things are so hard for you and especially dealing with everything on your own. I hope you managed to get some sleep.

I have no-one to help either so I can understand the loneliness - thankful for the support on TP.

(((Hugs)))
Thank you Lilac Blossom. No sleep last night, am hoping to get some tonight!! It is so good to hear from you as you are coping on your own like me!! Do you ever get to the end of your patience? I do!! TP is my sanity.

Virtual hugs.

Aisling ( Ireland)
 

Jinx

Registered User
Mar 13, 2014
2,333
Pontypool
Aisling and Lilac it's hard enough when you've got a bit of help but do so feel for you both coping alone. Hope things improve Aisling but if not would call your GP. You can't go on like this. Huge hugs. xxx


Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
 

Lilac Blossom

Registered User
Oct 6, 2014
564
Scotland
Oh yes Aisling, I sure do find it impossible to be patient all the time, especially when not getting enough sleep, and those toilet accidents are a real trial, certainly not a trivial matter.

Big hugs being sent from Scotland to Ireland xx
 

Aisling

Registered User
Dec 5, 2015
1,806
Ireland
Aisling and Lilac it's hard enough when you've got a bit of help but do so feel for you both coping alone. Hope things improve Aisling but if not would call your GP. You can't go on like this. Huge hugs. xxx


Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
Hi Jinx and all you wonderful people who keep me sane,

GP tells me he needs full time nursing home care which we can't afford. I had to stay with him today in day care! Never thought I would be in a day centre at my young age. That's my wicked sense of humour!!

I can't even leave him in a room on his own anymore as it is not safe. I fed our cats tonight and T was standing at the door watching me. Fed cats( Stella and Cosmo!), turned around and T wasn't at door. Came inside to see where he was and he appeared back at door covered in mud. He fell in yard. He wasn't hurt TG but I couldn't believe my eyes. I just cried and cried while changing him and he resisting me every step of the way.

He is asleep now but I can't leave bedroom so mess in kitchen will have to wait until the morning. I expect he will be up several times during the night.

His sister and her husband call on a rare occasion and she drivers me mad. Doesn't try to talk to T but subjects me to question session. She will do nothing at all to help me and I am afraid I will loose my patience some day. I asked her if T could stay with her for an hour some day so I could do a few bits at home. Answer no as she thinks it wouldn't be good for him to be away from home. I only have to see her at the door and my blood pressure soars!!

I saw another relation the other day who told me all about an afternoon healing service to which he will be going. Great I thought, I might get an hour on my own so asked him if he would take T. No he couldn't do that but strongly advised ME to go with T as it would be good for me !!!

Folding clothes earlier earlier and putting them in basket. Delighted with him and myself. Turned around to pick up cups and bingo all the laundry was messed up and on the floor.

Am sick of locals asking me how he is and then launching into advice about how I should be looking after myself and taking breaks. Lots of advice on me going to the hair salon etc. I haven't time to wash my face some days! Am beginning to wonder what is wrong with my hair!!! They can give all this advice in a two minute monologue!! Am getting to the stage that I don't want to see or talk to anyone or listen to "advice"!

On the positive side we have two good friends who call to see us occasionally and they check to see timing is ok. All the other "friends" have disappeared long ago.


Am sorry, I know I am ranting. Again!

Aisling ( Ireland )
 

Aisling

Registered User
Dec 5, 2015
1,806
Ireland
Oh yes Aisling, I sure do find it impossible to be patient all the time, especially when not getting enough sleep, and those toilet accidents are a real trial, certainly not a trivial matter.

Big hugs being sent from Scotland to Ireland xx
Hi to Scotland from Ireland! Scotland is an amazing and beautiful country. I love your music. My nephew got married in Scotland. An amazing day.

Aisling (Ireland)
 

esmeralda

Registered User
Nov 27, 2014
3,074
Devon
Just a quick post Aisling to send you a big hug and say how sorry I am you are having such a dreadful time. It doesn't sound as though anyone could carry on coping the way you are. I hope you can shout loud enough so that you get more help. Hopefully your husband will eventually be able to be left at the Day Care Centre on his own. I'm not sure what the system is like in Ireland but you desperately need a break, otherwise you are likely to be the one who breaks down.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
 

Lilac Blossom

Registered User
Oct 6, 2014
564
Scotland
Ah my dear Aisling, you are not ranting at all. No wonder you are completely worn out with T being so active - you can't keep up with dealing with one catastrophe after another and never a chance to relax, cannot turn your back on him for an instant.

My OH has poor mobility which brings a different set of problems but not the constant activity you have to contend with.

What I can fully identify with is what happens with friends and relations. I'm sorry it's so bad for you - people can be a real disappointment, especially when it's relatives. I have a brother who lives just five minute walk from our house (although of course they do not walk) he and his wife announce in advance that they will visit on a certain date, usually this only happens once a year - not good for my blood pressure either..

Friends have disappeared over the years hubby has been ill. "Church friends" have been a disappointment. We were always involved with church and at first many of them said we'll pop in to visit and I was so pleased . One or two did visit once - we'll be back, they said, but never did come again. Only one man did continue visiting and I was so pleased he did as he and hubby enjoyed one another's company. Unfortunately he became ill and died last year.

J has a care worker for half hour in the morning to help with washing/dressing otherwise I do everything else. The only other thing is, we have Crossroads sitting service once a week - three hours on a Tuesday. It used to be free but there is going to be a charge for this service - they will be notifying me soon. Do you have Crossroads in Ireland? Lol, like you, I wonder what is wrong with my hair (I don't look in the mirror too often) - everyone seems to expect me to go to the hairdresser on "Crossroads day".

Sorry, rambling on a bit. (((hugs)))

Lilac xx
 

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