1. Expert Q&A: Benefits - Weds 23 October, 3-4pm

    Our next expert Q&A will be on the topic of benefits. It will be hosted by Lauren from our Knowledge Services team. She'll be answering your questions on Wednesday 23 October between 3-4pm.

    You can either post your question >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll be happy to ask them on your behalf.

  1. Aisling

    Aisling Registered User

    Dec 5, 2015
    1,807
    Ireland
    help please. T came home from Respite yesterday. Am in total meltdown!! Toileting is a major problem. He has infection and antibiotics are making him drowsy. He went for a rest and I am sitting on floor outside his room. Can't risk going downstairs to clean up toilet accidents. It is a small problem really but am totally overwhelmed. Tears everywhere and feel so alone.

    Aisling (Ireland)
     
  2. Mrsbusy

    Mrsbusy Registered User

    Aug 15, 2015
    356
    Sorry can't be much help, but can only sympathise and send you a hug. Hope it helps. I too would be doing exactly the same if I was you. Maybe the antibiotics will help to clear the infection and once better his toile ting will calm down a little. Probably the changes etc have a knock on effect don't they.

    If you can, deep breaths and a cuppa, you have earned it.

    I'm currently trying to calm down and think positive after another teenager meltdown! He has anxiety issues, I have constant aggro.
     
  3. Shedrech

    Shedrech Volunteer Moderator

    Dec 15, 2012
    8,054
    Yorkshire
    Hi Aisling
    I hope you were able to breathe for a while and just be still
    sometimes it's just the one extra chore that pushes us over the edge for a while
    nothing will disintegrate if you put it off for a bit
    so go gently, and go slowly

    and waft a few sprays of your favourite scent into the air ;)
     
  4. 2jays

    2jays Registered User

    Jun 4, 2010
    11,604
    West Midlands
    All I can do is hold your hand and send a hug. Hoping things improve for you xxxxx


    Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
     
  5. garnuft

    garnuft Registered User

    Sep 7, 2012
    6,588
    So sorry to hear how low you've been driven.

    You have every right to feel overwhelmed and despairing, I don't think it's a small problem at all, I've found toileting issues to be the most challenging part of my caring role and time and practise never makes it any easier.

    I hope the day has some better moments for you. x
     
  6. Aisling

    Aisling Registered User

    Dec 5, 2015
    1,807
    Ireland

    Thank you. I can't find your posts so am not sure I can help you with teenagers. In another life I worked with teenagers so if you think I can help let me know please.

    Aisling ( Ireland)
     
  7. Aisling

    Aisling Registered User

    Dec 5, 2015
    1,807
    Ireland

    You are so right. I literally have no one to give me a hand and get out of my depth.

    Aisling
     
  8. Aisling

    Aisling Registered User

    Dec 5, 2015
    1,807
    Ireland
    Thank you so much. Toileting issues are totally overwhelming me.

    Aisling ( Ireland)
     
  9. Aisling

    Aisling Registered User

    Dec 5, 2015
    1,807
    Ireland
    Thank you,

    Aisling ( Ireland)
     
  10. Scarlett123

    Scarlett123 Registered User

    Apr 30, 2013
    3,802
    Essex
    There are loads of TP-ers, reading your posts unable to offer any help, but giving you all their sympathy, and hugs xxx
     
  11. Aisling

    Aisling Registered User

    Dec 5, 2015
    1,807
    Ireland
    Thank you very much Scarlett. T got tired earlier but now he is walking around hallucinating. It is going to be a long night. No sleep! Great to have support as I am completely on my own.

    Aisling. Xx
     
  12. Lilac Blossom

    Lilac Blossom Registered User

    Oct 6, 2014
    520
    Scotland
    Dear Aisling - Sorry things are so hard for you and especially dealing with everything on your own. I hope you managed to get some sleep.

    I have no-one to help either so I can understand the loneliness - thankful for the support on TP.

    (((Hugs)))
     
  13. Scarlett123

    Scarlett123 Registered User

    Apr 30, 2013
    3,802
    Essex
    Lilac Blossom, I know just how hard it is coping on your own. :( I wish I could do something to help you, but again, can only offer you my sympathy, understanding and a cyber shoulder xxx
     
  14. Aisling

    Aisling Registered User

    Dec 5, 2015
    1,807
    Ireland
    Thank you Lilac Blossom. No sleep last night, am hoping to get some tonight!! It is so good to hear from you as you are coping on your own like me!! Do you ever get to the end of your patience? I do!! TP is my sanity.

    Virtual hugs.

    Aisling ( Ireland)
     
  15. Jinx

    Jinx Registered User

    Mar 13, 2014
    2,333
    Pontypool
    Aisling and Lilac it's hard enough when you've got a bit of help but do so feel for you both coping alone. Hope things improve Aisling but if not would call your GP. You can't go on like this. Huge hugs. xxx


    Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
     
  16. Lilac Blossom

    Lilac Blossom Registered User

    Oct 6, 2014
    520
    Scotland
    Oh yes Aisling, I sure do find it impossible to be patient all the time, especially when not getting enough sleep, and those toilet accidents are a real trial, certainly not a trivial matter.

    Big hugs being sent from Scotland to Ireland xx
     
  17. Aisling

    Aisling Registered User

    Dec 5, 2015
    1,807
    Ireland
    Hi Jinx and all you wonderful people who keep me sane,

    GP tells me he needs full time nursing home care which we can't afford. I had to stay with him today in day care! Never thought I would be in a day centre at my young age. That's my wicked sense of humour!!

    I can't even leave him in a room on his own anymore as it is not safe. I fed our cats tonight and T was standing at the door watching me. Fed cats( Stella and Cosmo!), turned around and T wasn't at door. Came inside to see where he was and he appeared back at door covered in mud. He fell in yard. He wasn't hurt TG but I couldn't believe my eyes. I just cried and cried while changing him and he resisting me every step of the way.

    He is asleep now but I can't leave bedroom so mess in kitchen will have to wait until the morning. I expect he will be up several times during the night.

    His sister and her husband call on a rare occasion and she drivers me mad. Doesn't try to talk to T but subjects me to question session. She will do nothing at all to help me and I am afraid I will loose my patience some day. I asked her if T could stay with her for an hour some day so I could do a few bits at home. Answer no as she thinks it wouldn't be good for him to be away from home. I only have to see her at the door and my blood pressure soars!!

    I saw another relation the other day who told me all about an afternoon healing service to which he will be going. Great I thought, I might get an hour on my own so asked him if he would take T. No he couldn't do that but strongly advised ME to go with T as it would be good for me !!!

    Folding clothes earlier earlier and putting them in basket. Delighted with him and myself. Turned around to pick up cups and bingo all the laundry was messed up and on the floor.

    Am sick of locals asking me how he is and then launching into advice about how I should be looking after myself and taking breaks. Lots of advice on me going to the hair salon etc. I haven't time to wash my face some days! Am beginning to wonder what is wrong with my hair!!! They can give all this advice in a two minute monologue!! Am getting to the stage that I don't want to see or talk to anyone or listen to "advice"!

    On the positive side we have two good friends who call to see us occasionally and they check to see timing is ok. All the other "friends" have disappeared long ago.


    Am sorry, I know I am ranting. Again!

    Aisling ( Ireland )
     
  18. Aisling

    Aisling Registered User

    Dec 5, 2015
    1,807
    Ireland
    Hi to Scotland from Ireland! Scotland is an amazing and beautiful country. I love your music. My nephew got married in Scotland. An amazing day.

    Aisling (Ireland)
     
  19. esmeralda

    esmeralda Registered User

    Nov 27, 2014
    3,072
    Devon
    Just a quick post Aisling to send you a big hug and say how sorry I am you are having such a dreadful time. It doesn't sound as though anyone could carry on coping the way you are. I hope you can shout loud enough so that you get more help. Hopefully your husband will eventually be able to be left at the Day Care Centre on his own. I'm not sure what the system is like in Ireland but you desperately need a break, otherwise you are likely to be the one who breaks down.
    xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
     
  20. Lilac Blossom

    Lilac Blossom Registered User

    Oct 6, 2014
    520
    Scotland
    Ah my dear Aisling, you are not ranting at all. No wonder you are completely worn out with T being so active - you can't keep up with dealing with one catastrophe after another and never a chance to relax, cannot turn your back on him for an instant.

    My OH has poor mobility which brings a different set of problems but not the constant activity you have to contend with.

    What I can fully identify with is what happens with friends and relations. I'm sorry it's so bad for you - people can be a real disappointment, especially when it's relatives. I have a brother who lives just five minute walk from our house (although of course they do not walk) he and his wife announce in advance that they will visit on a certain date, usually this only happens once a year - not good for my blood pressure either..

    Friends have disappeared over the years hubby has been ill. "Church friends" have been a disappointment. We were always involved with church and at first many of them said we'll pop in to visit and I was so pleased . One or two did visit once - we'll be back, they said, but never did come again. Only one man did continue visiting and I was so pleased he did as he and hubby enjoyed one another's company. Unfortunately he became ill and died last year.

    J has a care worker for half hour in the morning to help with washing/dressing otherwise I do everything else. The only other thing is, we have Crossroads sitting service once a week - three hours on a Tuesday. It used to be free but there is going to be a charge for this service - they will be notifying me soon. Do you have Crossroads in Ireland? Lol, like you, I wonder what is wrong with my hair (I don't look in the mirror too often) - everyone seems to expect me to go to the hairdresser on "Crossroads day".

    Sorry, rambling on a bit. (((hugs)))

    Lilac xx
     

Share This Page

  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.