1. Our next Q&A session is on the topic of Christmas and dementia.This time we want our Q&A to involve our resident experts, you! Share tips and advice on navigating Christmas here in this thread.

    Pop by and post your questions or if you prefer you can email your question to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll be happy to ask them on your behalf.
  1. Jeanie 73

    Jeanie 73 Registered User

    Apr 20, 2013
    N Lincolnshire
    AFRAID I JUST WENT INTO TOTAL MELT DOWN LAST SUNDAY no one reason, just a build up of little things really! And final realisation of the enormity of the challenge I and My daughter face,she as my carer.
    It's now two yrs since first trip to Memory clinic, I was asked if I wanted to know the results of forthcoming tests I said yes and would still say yes! The result was not a surprise and I and Joy just threw ourselves into putting in place what needed doing for when I had gone,to make it as easy for family as possible. After that medication took priority,and now a yr on from first dose things have settled down,Christmas over and finally time to think!
    I usually do take time,but two yrs to actually take stock is maybe a bit too long. Logically my melt down yesterday was way over due and needed to happen,it started by turning my radio up very loud,I suppose to try and stop what was about to happen,stop all the stupid thoughts racing through my head, in a way it worked! Then with Terry Wogan wittering in the back ground,well foreground really, the tears came and just could not stop, poor Joy came down to a sodden heap, me, but as always she stayed calm and just let me carry on,and that was the right thing to do.
    I don't believe it will happen again, but was inevitable really.
    Joy and I have since agreed to change a couple of things,for both of us really,nothing major just adjustments to daily life.
    Neither of us think we should change our approach to tackling the Alzheimer's we have proved the last few months of acceptance and just avoiding stress as much as possible. Personally I don't believe you can fight it, but you can make it easier on yourself by accepting and adapting.
    I no longer panic when when something as familiar as a pen seems so unfamiliar and almost alien,I know it probably won't happen again for a while and if it does,"shrugs shoulders" not worth getting stressed about, and no doubt there will be other more important things that will be forgotten in the future! For now there is a life or lives to live, mine and Joys we are agreed to get out more as spring gets closer, "never have been good in winter"
    So many outings to look forward to,things to plant pots to empty, when bulbs finish,some will remain empty but not all! I read of a daughter and her mum with Alzheimer's who enjoy watching the birds together, Joy and I have been doing that for a good few yrs now and this yr looks as if it will perhaps be even more special as a couple of Blue tits look as if they may be nesting,in view of my bedroom window, and quite possibly another pair may be also nesting just around the corner near Joys back door! The fact the Blue tits are nesting in the sparrows terrace box of three individual nests I think in the middle one! Tough sparrows you've had three yrs and ignored it, so too late now squatters have moved in.
  2. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    Hello Jeanie

    You have so much insight into your illness and so much self awareness, it's a wonder this meltdown didn't come earlier.

    As you said, there has been lots to occupy your mind since diagnosis and I can identify with that.

    A lot happened to me last year and I did well. This year it seems to be catching up with me and I don't feel nearly as bright as I did.

    You are working it out with your daughter which is wonderful. Long may it continue.
  3. jaymor

    jaymor Volunteer Moderator

    Jul 14, 2006
    Such a positive approach to be applauded over and over again, well done.

    It took a while for us to accept Alzheimers as part of our life but when we did it was to concentrate on what we can do and leave what we could not behind us. Long holidays became sort ones that became weekends but they were still holidays. Tea and cake at the garden centre replaced meals out in restaurants and it was just as enjoyable and less stressful.

    Long may you continue to enjoy what is around you Jeannie with your daughter, the birds, the flowers, the simple things are always the best. You are an inspiration to us all.

    Take care,

    Jay x
  4. chick1962

    chick1962 Registered User

    Apr 3, 2014
    near Folkestone
    This is just lovely and it puts myself to shame as I have been feeling a little gloomy lately . There is still so much to enjoy when you look at the glass half full rather then half empty! As for bird watching, we do that too and have some woodpeckers who come and visit our garden :)

    Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
  5. Lindy50

    Lindy50 Registered User

    Dec 11, 2013
    What a great post Jeanie :)

    I am my mother's carer, and we do try to look at things positively. We knit, read poetry, enjoy some tea and a special piece of cake, and so on..... Like you, though, I find we are occasionally overcome by challenges. What was enjoyable one day, sometimes doesn't seem so great the next!

    So thank you for your post, it has given me further inspiration to keep looking on the bright side, and enjoying what we can do together :) For us, keeping it simple, and not trying to do too much, seem to be the key.

    Well done Jeanie and I wish you and your daughter all the best and a happy spring and summer together :)

    Lindy xx
  6. Saffie

    Saffie Registered User

    Mar 26, 2011
    Near Southampton
    Such a brave and sensible approach to dealing with the position in which you have been thrust.
    A meltdown? I'm not surprised after all this time and I'm sure you needed it.
    The pleasure that can be found in little things in life should not be underestimated and I hope that with the coming of the Spring, you will feel brighter. x
  7. Jeanie 73

    Jeanie 73 Registered User

    Apr 20, 2013
    N Lincolnshire
    Many thanks everyone,I find it really helpful coming on here either with a query or just an up date ☺️ quite sure we all get gloomy days so no beating ourselves up ☺️

    I am very grateful to be in a good place for me at this time in my life, because of physical disabilities I moved into this ground floor flat some eight years ago. At the same time my daughter moved into the flat above me with my very young grand daughter,I have been able to see her grow into a soon to be sixteen yr old doing well at school and with her head firmly screwed on approaching her College years! With a boyfriend equally switched on,"get me" switched on!

    I believe it is important that we let others know that diagnoses does not mean the end of life,but living life a different way,accepting the challenges ahead does not mean we are giving in just continuing to live best we can! For our selves and our carers, each of us must find our own way of dealing with this or any other disease, there are no right or wrong ways, just our ways!
  8. Saffie

    Saffie Registered User

    Mar 26, 2011
    Near Southampton
    How lovely to have your daughter and grand-daughter in the flat above you. I'm sure your grand-daughter gives you a lot of pleasure. My two do. They live in my village so I see quite a lot of them. It sounds the perfect living arrangement and I'm sure your daughter found it a help when your grand-daughter was younger. x

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