1. skyman3

    skyman3 Registered User

    Mar 11, 2015
    I am new to this Forum. My Mum has Vascular Dementia. Her dementia and general state of mind has changed quite dramatically over the last few months.
    Mum is 88 in June and has always been a very stubborn and strong-minded individual.
    In all honesty I had no idea what was happening and it built up from about 5 years ago.
    So the only anology I can use is "Mushroom in the dark being fed on ( you know what)"
    Over the last year she has become a high fall risk and 5 weeks ago I found her on the floor in her flat and called 999. She was admitted to the Stroke Unit, suspected T.I.A. and discharged 9 days later. After several witnessed falls she was admitted to A&E with the near loss of 2 fingers (broken bones caught in door).
    Social Services called a "Best Interest Meeting" with one and a half days notice to me her unofficial Carer. So over that time I researched the Internet ( What a minefield).
    I stated at the meeting that it was not in accordance with the accepted Guidelines of the exemplar agreed by the British Psychological Society and endorsed by HM Govt.
    This was ignored and they decided Mum should be returned to her flat with an Agency Package.
    3 days later she fell in Hospital and broke her hip, Surgeon phoned me for permission to operate (given).
    I phoned the Hospital Social Services and Adult Social Services, all on holiday or at meetings and none of my calls were returned.
    I visited her G.P. to be told they can do nothing until she is discharged.
    I have written to both Depts of Social Services, guess what, no reply to date.
    I have spoken to the Surgeon and asked for his intervention and he is doing all that he can to persuade others that my Mum should not be returned to her flat.
    Has anyone else gone through a similar traumatic sequence of events that can offer sound advise? HELP PLEASE
  2. dede5177

    dede5177 Registered User

    Feb 5, 2015

    Hi Skyman3
    have you thought about getting power of attorney? through the courts! Organisations I have dealt with have treated me better since I did this. Then you may need a council assessment of funding ability, there is not much help out their to be honest. I had to move in with mom my person with dementia and have not moved back up north since. Hope you get to grips with your moms affairs and get something sorted.
  3. Kevinl

    Kevinl Registered User

    Aug 24, 2013
    Hi Skyman welcome to TP
    I think you'll find a lot of people have been through this, the issue is they'll do anything before they go for the care home option because of the cost. If they can get them back to their home with a care package it saves a fortune. If your mum would be self funding then there's nothing stopping you sorting out a care home if not then you will probably have to push quite hard.
  4. Adcat

    Adcat Registered User

    Jun 15, 2014
    These stories make me so mad at the state of the 'system'. Shout loudly.
    This is the type of thing that Norman Lamb (care minister) should know about.
    Find out if you have got a carers support support group ear you. They might be able to help.
    Take care.
  5. jasmineflower

    jasmineflower Registered User

    Aug 27, 2012
    Hi Skyman3
    Welcome to TP. I hope you get lots of help and advice on here.

    In your position, I think I might be tempted to write to all the agencies and people who were on holiday or in meetings and explain that your mum is immobile and totally incapable of looking after herself at home.

    Confirm to them that you will not be responsible for your mum's care (even if you would - They don't need to know) and she is vulnerable and at risk. If they choose to send her home you will consider them responsible for the consequences.

    Some people on TP suggest taking away house keys so that the hospital can't just discharge her unexpectedly.

    No doubt there will be several replys from people who have been in this position

    J x
  6. min88cat

    min88cat Registered User

    Apr 6, 2010
    Hi Skyman,

    We had a similar situation with my MIL who was discharged to her home against our wishes, 3 times in 3 weeks after falls. Each of these count as a failed discharge. On the fourth occasion it was deemed that she was unsafe to be at home (with 4 double handed visists per day - the maximum)

    Whilst your mum is in hospital she will be under the care of the hospital social worker, until her discharge. At least the consultant is on your side, you need to get the SW on side as well. We were lucky that ieventually they eventually got the message and the SW said that if we hadn't agreed to her being transferred to a NH, matters would have been taken out of our hands.

    She will have to have a FULL assessment of her needs before she can be discharged. Stand your ground, those who shout loudest get heard. Don't let them fob you off. If you have a door key to your Mums house, don't let anyone have it, and be unavailable to let anyone in. Hopefully they will see sense.
    Don't give up!
  7. Summerheather

    Summerheather Registered User

    Feb 22, 2015
    This is what I hate about AD and am dreading - the fighting that I know in the future I'll be doing with SS. There needs to be seriously more funding so that everything about AD isn't just money, money, money.
  8. Emily M

    Emily M Registered User

    Jan 20, 2015
    Persistence and again persistence

    Hello Skyman

    I can relate to certain things you say and understand your frustrations. I don’t want to criticise social workers as they are under a lot of pressure and have a tremendous work load; then there is the inevitable question of funding. I have noticed how things go strangely quiet at times with phone calls and letters going unanswered. Probably comes under the heading of “prioritising workload.” Then you are suddenly contacted again when they require something from you that invariably means saving money.

    It doesn’t surprise me that you, dede, have moved in with mum who lives a long way away and have not had much help. I have had pressure put on me to spend what I interpreted as moving in for long periods with my mum because her partner said he couldn’t cope, even though I live a considerable distance away, frequently visit for 2 or 3 days at a time anyway and have a husband and busy life with other family and commitments. I understand this request was to save money on carers. I have even heard of people being asked if they are prepared to give up work when they are the sole bread winner, so beware. The trouble is it can make you feel very inadequate and guilty if you refuse. Stay firm as you also have to consider yourself and other family members.

    I think persistence is needed and you certainly seem to possess that attribute. It is good to put everything in writing when dealing with people, as you have, but also keep phoning again and again. From what I have seen, those that make the most fuss seem to achieve more. It is a good move getting the surgeon on your side. Hopefully he can apply pressure to get your mum into a care home.

    Good idea as dede says to try to get power of attorney before things get too bad. It is quite a shock to see how people with dementia and Alzheimer’s can suddenly deteriorate very quickly. I have noticed this with my mum who is the same age as yours.

    Hope all goes well and keep posting. I have found this site very helpful.

  9. count2ten

    count2ten Registered User

    Dec 13, 2013
    Sometimes you just have to go to the local MP to get any action - service managers at social services don't like getting letters, emails and phone calls from their paymasters - it usually shakes things up a bit., But in the meantime, I agree hang onto the front door key, insist on a full community care assessment, including occupational therapist report for activities of daily living to determine what support she will need at home (don't let them assume that you will be providing 24 hour support , if they can get away with it they will ). The hospital social work team have a duty to make sure that any discharge from hospital is a safe discharge - that means that any care package, equipment etc is put in place before anyone goes home - social workers and their supervisors are registered and accountable and have to follow policies and procedures for discharge from hospital. You should be able to get the local discharge plans from the social services or hospital website. Talk to your mum's consultant while she is still in hospital and ask them to intervene if you don't agree with any discharge plans. There should also be a patient liaison team at the hospital who can take up any issues on your behalf. You and your mum have rights.

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