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Meeting to discuss Gran's diagnosis & treatment - what to ask & entitlements?


Registered User
Jul 30, 2013
I am seeking advice / guidance from forum members who have been through the system and how you play it in order to get the help that is needed.

On Thursday this week, I am going to attend a meeting with my Gran, Mum and CPN to discuss my Gran's diagnosis and treatment. I have been informed that she has a form of dementia and is being prescribed medication but I don't know what type of dementia or medication at this stage.

My Gran is in her 80's, lives alone in a flat approx. 20 mins drive away and over the past 2 or so months her mental health has rapidly been going down hill. We have many concerns, which include:

- unable to lock her front door so it is open during the night and day when she goes out
- unable to remember to take her medication on a morning and evening
- unable to cook/make/heat up any hot meals for herself
- she wanders to the local shops alone very early in the morning (~5.30am) or late (~10.30pm) in the evening
- she carries large amounts of cash in her purse and will not leave in the house or put in the bank
- unable to maintain her personal hygiene and has to reminded to bathe and change her clothing

However, my Gran is adamant that she is more than capable to look after her own affairs, money, herself where quite clearly to us she cannot. It's now got to the stage where other people are raising their own concerns with us, for example neighbours, bank staff, shop staff.

I can see the strain and stress that this is having on my Mum and want to be able to help as much as I can and to get the CPN on Thursday to listen to what my Mum and I need to assist my Gran. I need to know is what help is available to us and what are our rights and what do we have to do in order to get the help my Gran needs. Also can you offer any advice on how to handle my Gran and get her to accept the help that she really needs.

Many thanks in advance.


Registered User
Nov 28, 2012
Moved to Leicester
Hi and welcome to Talking Point. You will find lots of lovely and very helpful people on here. This is an anxious time for you and I hope you get some helpful replies.

We had a similar situation with my mum who is 89, sadly it took a chest infection which turned to pneumonia and put her in hospital for us to get her to accept any help. She now has carers in the guise of 'nurses' supposedly to visit and dispense her meds but of course they do lots of other things like personal hygiene and meals etc. Mum accepted this because I told her the alternative was to go to 'convalescence' when she left hospital. She ranted for the first few days and objected to all the fuss (because she's fine really!)but after 10 days she loves the visits, hugs the girls and kisses them goodbye. She has completely forgotten when she went into hospital and how long she was in for and we constantly reassure her the arrangements are temporary until she 'gets better'.

I hate to say it but it might be that things have to come to a breaking point before anyone is able to arrange the right help, but I am sure there will be lots of others along to proffer more comfort and constructive suggestions.

Your family must be so proud you are willing to be there for your Gran

Lots of hugs x


Registered User
Jul 30, 2013
Thank you for reading and sharing your story.

I am aware of being able to "access the system" that way but we really don't want to go down that route at the moment.

The system is so frustrating that nothing can be done because my Gran is so against accepting any form of help from either us or the medical and social services professions. I need to find out what are the "buzz words" I need to be saying in order for the professionals to actually take note and listen to what we are saying to them. I would hate to think of people who are living in our communities who are existing without any family to look out for them.

I look forward to hearing the experiences of other people. x


Registered User
Oct 8, 2011
How about Gran is 'seriously at risk', and family cannot be responsible for her safety?

Is there a GP, memory clinic or CPN or other mental health professional to help? If not, try and get one. You really need a medical person to decide if Gran has capacity to make decisions about her own care/life style.

Otherwise SS will say Gran can do whatever she wants, and no-one can make her do anything (even if it is family trying to help and keep her safe).

Let us know how you get on?


Registered User
Sep 26, 2012
as a grand child of a dementia sufferer, the worst thing we ever did was to get the SS involved, we have had LPAs revoked due to false allegations, 400 safeguarding statements made in 3 years