Meeting re Mum

[Devonmaid]

Hello all , oh I am so worried now . The hospital where Mum is have telephoned to say there will be a meeting to assess Mum and her progress ? and her future, its on Thursday so I shall go up by train . My sister and I are really worried because the dementia unit she is currently in is only for a maximum of 6 weeks to assess the patient and we are terrified that they will send her home . My step Dad is 87 years old , he is very frail and simply cannot take care of Mum now , she needs lots of attention , is very confused , hardly eats , doesnt sleep well and quite honestly, is making little sense right now . Thing is, he wants her home again , he misses her like mad and we are really scared that he will insist on her return . Last time this happened , Mum was allowed to go home and a care package was put into place but , running true to form, after a week or so , Mum refused to allow the carers into their home , even refused access to the psyciatric nurse and we just know that this is what will happen again . Oh dear , I dont know who to feel sorry for most but I think it has to be step Dad Ken , he is distraught at her being away and I seriously dont think he realises how very ill Mum is , he keeps talking about " when she is well again " .

 

[taylorcat]

Maybe if some of the doctors could speak you him, he may listen to them.

 

[Skye]

Hi Devonmaid, is your mum's SW going to be present at the assessment? I know from experience that hospitals are very anxious to discharge patients once any medical problems are under control. My SW fought that one for me, insisted that my husband was rehabilitated before discharge.

I also had input from a psychiatric liaison nurse, who was brilliant. It's worth asking if there is one in your mum's area.

If you can get the SW to take over, it means your step-dad won't feel responsible for any decisions.

I hope it goes well for you.

Love,

 

[Margarita]

I seriously dont think he realises how very ill Mum is , he keeps talking about " when she is well again " .

but I am sure the care home your mother is in know how seriously ill your mother is.

So maybe the meeting to assess your Mum and her progress and her future so they assess the right care home .

Try not think of the past and what happen before when you gave it a go with care package was put into place at home , as that just panic you more . I am sure they must know that it did not work , if they don't at meeting have it all wrtten down what you said

Last time this happened , Mum was allowed to go home and a care package was put into place but , running true to form, after a week or so , Mum refused to allow the carers into their home , even refused access to the psyciatric nurse and we just know that this is what will happen again . Oh dear , I dont know who to feel sorry for most but I think it has to be step Dad Ken , he is distraught at her being away and I seriously dont think he realises how very ill Mum is , he keeps talking about " when she is well again " .

Good luck xx

 

[Grannie G]

Dear Devonmaid,
Would it be possible for you to see someone, or write to someone, before the appointment, to explain your fears. It would be best to write to the person who called the meeting, or whoever sent the notice out.

I`m sure it will be in your mother`s notes that her husband is 87, and there should be a record of her past history.

Just try to communicate with someone before the meeting, and don`t lose sight of the possibility that things might not be as bad as you fear.

Take care

Love xx

 

[Cate]

Hi Devonmaid

Just a suggestion, but could they go to a NH together if you feel that the care package could break down again.

Personally if they want to discharge mum for home, and this is what step dad wants, then I fear there is little you can do, just watch, wait and support as much as you can.

Writing everything down is a very good suggestion, its so easy at this sort of meeting to get side tracked, and you end up just discussing the doctors agenda, and not yours.

Every best wish for a suitable outcome for everyone.

Love

Cate

 

[Devonmaid]

Thanks for your replies . My sister and I have asked to see the unit manager an hour before the meeting , she has agreed . We have also asked Mums social worker to be there and have had a good chat with my step Dad . I think that he needs to hear from the medical team how poorly Mum is before he will completely accept what is happening to her . Bless him, he is sure that they will get her medication right and that she will be back to herself and seems to block out the facts . Having said that , he will, ( we think !) take the advice and information given by those not emmotionally involved so fingers crossed . It is looking likley that an EMI unit is on the cards for Mum , now starts the task of finding one . Fortunately, my sister was the chairman ( chairwoman ?) of the local council and so knows a lot of people who might be able to point us in the right direction , I just wish we lived closer as I feel bad that she seems to have the worst of it all . Thanks again , love Kate

 

[Cate]

Hi Kate

I hope the meeting goes well, and you have the outcome you feel is right for mum.

Please dont feel guilty about not living on the door step, you do what you can, and as long as you are there for your sister when she needs a shoulder, I'm sure this will be much appreciated.

Love

Cate

 

[Grannie G]

Dear Kate.

Information from `professionals` is much more official then that from family, especially when it`s information you would rather not hear.

It will be a very painful message for your step father and I feel for him, but you know how much he is or is not capable of and it will be for the best.

I hope he isn`t too upset.

Love xx