1. Lavender45

    Lavender45 Registered User

    Jun 7, 2015
    1,598
    Liverpool
    Hi. I'm writing this in tears, partly frustration with my mum. Mum and I live together and she has been diagnosed as having a mild cognitive impairment.

    Mum has always been stubborn and to be honest a bit of a bully, but we've rubbed along. However, in the last 12 months she has become more verbally aggressive and irrational, the smallest thing sets her off, everyone other than mum is in the wrong and the whole world is against her. She is so very bitter.

    The main bone of contention is mum's medication. After Easter mum had a TIA, possibly the result of her hit and miss attitude to tablet taking for blood pressure and diabetes, I would ask had she taken them and she would say yes. Foolishly I accepted her word for it, but after her TIA I found boxes of hidden untaken tablets which she claimed she had as the doctor had given too many. I feel bad that I should have spotted there was a problem earlier, but cannot fix what happened, but I am determined it will not happen again. Mum is fighting me every step of the way. I put the tablets in a weekly dispenser, which she loathes, she says I am interfering, or more often than not screeches it at me and has claimed I am trying to overdose her. I promise I am not.

    This morning mum was up first. I followed her down, the morning tablets (9 of them) were gone from the dispenser and she was taking another set out of the boxes. I suggested she'd already had them and she flew of the handle, swallowed the duplicates faster than I've seen her take tablets in her life and ranted and raved about how I was interfering in something that was none of my business.

    Part of my problem is that she will not accept she has any memory problems, she claims I am trying to make out she's ill when she isn't, but family members and even her GP can recognise there is a problem, not just me. How do you help someone who does not want help? I know I should go with the flow and try not to argue, but not when it comes to medication! Mum is proud, stubborn, she's always believed she was in the right and had never been able to see someone else's side of things, there is no chance she will change and I am not sure how much more of the worry and stress I can cope with, whilst she won't accept she has a problem there is no chance she will accept extra help coming in, that avenue seems blocked at present. I know there are people on talking point dealing with so much more than me, but I just needed to get rid of some of my frustration and ask how other people have got around this whilst still allowing my mum to feel in control.
     
  2. Dunkers58

    Dunkers58 Registered User

    Nov 9, 2013
    65
    Hampshire
    Do you think your Mum would more readily accept the tablets in a ' blister ' pack from the chemist. This would save you having to do them but also ' the Dr ' has prescribed them to be dispensed like this? My mother gets 4 packs delivered for the month, but you could make sure the others were out of the way. Obviously if she still doesn't take them....... Does she know what day it is, so that she will recognise if he has taken that particular mornings dose? as you have said either taking none or twice is equally worrying. I would definitely make her GP aware... if you haven't already of course !

    Sorry lots of questions and not many solutions,
     
  3. Lavender45

    Lavender45 Registered User

    Jun 7, 2015
    1,598
    Liverpool
    Mum's GP is aware that she is not good at taking medication, I will ask him about blister packs, but I suspect she will react badly to anyone organising her medication, even the chemist/GP. Mum is so far in denial that she has any problem that she flies off the handle is she suspects there had been any interference in what she considers to be her business.

    Mum has a little awareness of the day of the week, she is normally a day or two out. She struggles to remember something almost seconds after she has done it, not just with medication, but with so many things and if she cannot remember, it did not happen. If its pointed out to her the result is teeth and fist showing aggression.

    As I said she has never been easy, but now there seems no way to reason with her.
     
  4. joggyb

    joggyb Registered User

    Dec 1, 2014
    119
    My dad has been in care for a few months now, and has doggedly refused all meds. But some are available in liquid form, and - with the agreement of his GP - he now gets his put in/on his food or drinks.

    So it might be worth asking the GP (a) whether any of your mum's drugs come in liquid form, and (b) if you can be permitted to administer her meds covertly.

    Mind you, if your mum makes her own food and drinks, that won't help much, either...
     
  5. Lavender45

    Lavender45 Registered User

    Jun 7, 2015
    1,598
    Liverpool
    I appreciate that thought about liquid medication and I do a large part of the cooking so it would be possible. My problem with mum is that
    a) she hates taking her tablets and for that a liquid form could be great.
    b) She sees no reason for me to interfere with her medication as its none of my business. In that way covert won't work. She is aware she needs the tablets, she just cannot remember whether she's had them or not. For her its all about losing control.
     
  6. Tin

    Tin Registered User

    May 18, 2014
    4,829
    UK
    If you can get most meds in liquid form, you could then get a little sneaky and replace missing tablets with some acceptable vitamin pills, tic tacs, then she still has control, or thinks she does. If she notices a difference in size or colour, tell her they are new or different supplier?
     
  7. Lavender45

    Lavender45 Registered User

    Jun 7, 2015
    1,598
    Liverpool
    Thank you Tin, that is a very good idea, I hadn't thought of placebos to hide anything given in liquid form. Will definitely talk to GP to see what could be taken as a liquid.
     
  8. Risa

    Risa Registered User

    Apr 13, 2015
    483
    Essex
    Hi Lavender45

    If your Mum is getting bad tempered maybe it would be worth asking her Dr if she could be depressed? A low dose anti-depressant might help her be a bit more relaxed about things if she is getting stressed up.
     
  9. Tin

    Tin Registered User

    May 18, 2014
    4,829
    UK
    Sadly we have to get sneaky, the truth in our home no longer works.
     
  10. Isabella41

    Isabella41 Registered User

    Feb 20, 2012
    901
    Northern Ireland
    I really feel for you. Your mum and mine sound like they could be identical twins. It makes the dementia journey all the harder. I think the liquid meds is a great idea and then use placebos to keep her happy re control of her meds. Its great that her GP does know there is a problem as they will have no issue with arranging the dosette boxes for you. I told my mum it was a new way of getting tablets as they were trying to save money on all the boxes so they were using reusable trays. ( I had told her I needed to bring the empty trays back to the chemist)
    Regards trying to get help to come in. Could you pass the help off as being there to help you and then get the carer to play along so to speak and ask your mum if she could help her with whatever it is she is actually there to do.
    My own mum got very agressive and bad mannered and in the end she was put on a low dose of Risperidone. It was a great move as it did calm her down alot. She's still opinionated and grouchy but a whole lot more calm than before.
     
  11. Lavender45

    Lavender45 Registered User

    Jun 7, 2015
    1,598
    Liverpool
    I think I will definitely have to be sneaky for her own safety.

    I think mum has some depression, she has half admitted that to me, but refuses point blank to say anything about it to the GP, in front of him she pretends she has no health problems whatsoever other than a touch of arthritis. Will have to see if he could give a tablet based on my opinion as she will not tell him the truth.
     
  12. Isabella41

    Isabella41 Registered User

    Feb 20, 2012
    901
    Northern Ireland
    As your mum's GP seems to be so helpful I'd suggest asking him for a mild antidepressant to see how it goes. I know this can be got in liquid form so there would be no issue there. If you try it for a few weeks and there is no improvment then nothing lost. I have a voice recording app on my phone and in the past I have used it to record conversations between mum and I when I needed evidence. Again sneaky I know but then again dementia does not play by any rules so needs must. If you could record your mum admitting she is depressed this would be some evidence for the GP.
     

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