Choosing a care home – please tell it like it is. The media coverage this week has made me stop and think again about what happens when you choose a care home. You are advised to be prepared. Imagine the scenario if, when things are relatively calm and stable, you suddenly start talking about ‘homes’ and go looking at same. It would freak them out, and when things are relatively peaceful it is the last thing you want to do. The mindset is all wrong, you cannot ‘see’ that far ahead. Anyway, as I have found out, if LA/SS are funding you are not given a lot of choice, and if self-funded you are advised not to choose too dear a care home, as the SS will not pick up ‘high’ costs when your money runs out, and therefore cannot guarantee that the placing can be met. Actual Scenario: by the time you are going down this route your loved one has deteriorated, maybe aggressive, maybe non communicative, maybe incontinent. You will be emotionally wreaked, physically drained, and hardly capable of making a rational decision. So you look to homes. You may find a good one, who then decide that they cannot give your loved one the level of care they need, or that they have no vacant rooms at this time, “Would you like to go on our waiting list? Ugh.”. You may find one that is far too expensive, or is too far away for easy daily visits, which are essential when, for some couples, it can be the first time they have been separated in decades. Another that does not tick all the boxes, and so you are torn. There is no one to really turn to for help, and I feel so very sorry for anyone going through this stage. As you know, in the end I placed Lionel a 45 minute journey away, because the care is excellent. When his money runs out I know SS will not fund to that level. Do I have to pray that I loose my dear man before then? No one tells you what it is really like.