1. hvml

    hvml Registered User

    Oct 10, 2015
    297
    North Cornwall
    I'd like to know what people think about the time of meals. Is it generally better for an elderly person to have their main meal in the middle of the day, or in the evenings?

    My Dad has a fistula and the resulting problems with double incontinence were really bad during the night and early morning, so I decided to change his main meal to lunch time and give him a lighter tea. The situation is better some days and others, no different.

    My brother and sister in law also live with Dad and me, and up until this became an issue, we would all have our main meal together in the evenings. They get back from work in time to eat at 6.30pm.

    Being at a moderate stage of vascular dementia, my Dad's social skills are not what they once were and as we were all together, he would be keen to chat and would talk with his mouth full, which my brother inevitably reacted badly to. Meal time was not relaxing.

    When Dad has his meal at lunch time, I have mine with him. My sister in law said today that as the change has made little difference to the incontinence problems, we should go back to eating in the evenings in order to save on gas.

    I'd love to know what people think.

    Hvml
     
  2. Selinacroft

    Selinacroft Registered User

    Oct 10, 2015
    936
    Hi
    I haven't had to deal with incontinence issues yet with Dad touch wood so can't really advise from that angle. I would think keping things as work free as possible is the best bet so rather than household cooking twice over I would plump for all eating together.
    Does your Dad take any laxative, Senna, Fybogel or Macrogal etc? You could try adjusting time of administering that instead.
     
  3. Shedrech

    Shedrech Volunteer Moderator

    Dec 15, 2012
    8,088
    Yorkshire
    Hi hvml
    you write
    so your sister in law isn't accurate in saying that
    And 'to save on gas' - hardly a major issue, is it?
    I am wondering who cooks each meal?
    Personally, I would do what is best for YOU, as the main carer. If you prefer your main meal more quietly at lunch time, keep it that way.
     
  4. Beate

    Beate Registered User

    May 21, 2014
    11,740
    Female
    London
    First of all, his table manners shouldn't be a deciding factor. He can't help them and others will have to adjust.

    It's generally said that you should breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dine like a pauper as that's better for your health. Usually, my OH gets a two course meal at lunch in the Day Centre and a smaller meal at dinner time. Having said that, when we were at the Revitalise Centre, it was snacks at lunch time and two courses at dinner time.

    I don't think either will make much difference to incontinence. Have you asked your Dad whether he would prefer to eat with you or the whole family?
     
  5. hvml

    hvml Registered User

    Oct 10, 2015
    297
    North Cornwall
    He does take fybogel, which on average works after 2 1/2 hours. I'll try adjusting it. Good idea. Thanks very much .
     
  6. marionq

    marionq Registered User

    Apr 24, 2013
    5,898
    Female
    Scotland
    Eating together as a family was a major thing with us in the past. John is now an unbelievably slow eater and for the last year I have been giving him lunch and dinner on a tray on those days he is not at day centre.

    He can take as long as he likes and I can do my thing at the kitchen table usually involving white wine and the odd candle if I'm being dramatic. His manners then do not bother anyone.
     
  7. hvml

    hvml Registered User

    Oct 10, 2015
    297
    North Cornwall
    It's nice having lunch just the 2 of us really. And he used to be very hungry by evening time. I think it would be a good idea to ask him which he prefers. I don't mind preparing 2 meals, esp as we often plate one up in the eve for him to have the next day. A good /not always so good thing is that my sister in law used to work in a care home, so has always had the last say in what goes. I'm very close to her, but sometimes have questions that it's nice to have another take on. Xx
     
  8. hvml

    hvml Registered User

    Oct 10, 2015
    297
    North Cornwall
    Meals on a tray is another good idea. I like to listen to radio 4 at lunch time, so Dad could have his in the sitting room. He likes to watch the news or a music video.
    Xx
     
  9. marionq

    marionq Registered User

    Apr 24, 2013
    5,898
    Female
    Scotland
    That's what I do. Put his feet on a stool. Blanket over his knees. Tray with his lunch on top and TV on. Keeps him very quiet and very happy for a while.
     
  10. LynneMcV

    LynneMcV Volunteer Moderator

    May 9, 2012
    3,637
    south-east London
    It sounds to me that you already have the right solution, a nice relaxed lunch with just the two of you has got to be better than your Dad having to hang on for the main meal until the evening, only to be met with disapproving looks because he isn't displaying the correct social etiquette!
    My husband does not have incontinence issues, so I have no experience to add there, but I do know the importance of keeping meal times happy and relaxed.
    Currently we tend to have our main meal around 6pm because myself, son and daughter are out working or studying during the day. We tend to sit down together with a tray on our laps and eat while we chat, watch the news or favourite programmes.
    Sometimes we have to vary the time, for example one day this week I will have to work in the evening, so I will work from home during the day, make the main meal at lunchtime and leave it to my son or daughter to provide him with a light tea in the evening. If they want a bigger dinner I will make them something when I cook at lunchtime and they'll have to warm it up in the microwave, or cook something themselves.
    As a family we are very flexible in our eating arrangements, mostly we eat together but I put my husband's needs first - and eating in a calm, unrushed, relaxed setting is what works for us.
    If he starts showing signs that an evening meal is no longer the best approach for him I would happily switch him to a lunchtime main meal instead.
     
  11. LYN T

    LYN T Registered User

    Aug 30, 2012
    6,962
    Brixham Devon
    In my Husband's CH the main meal was always at lunch time-a snack at tea time. I think it really should be down to you and your Dad when you eat your main meal. When Pete was at home we used to eat our main meal in the evening, then I changed to lunchtime when he started daycare. I thought it would be better if I adopted their routine.

    Take care

    Lyn T XX
     
  12. Spamar

    Spamar Registered User

    Oct 5, 2013
    6,987
    Suffolk
    We used to have main meal in the evening. Then he started daycare so some main meals were lunchtime. When he became sleepy in the evening, all main meals were lunchtime - he would not have had one otherwise.
    Care home always had main meal midday.
    We never had meals sitting anywhere other than the dining table. It was a signal that now was meal time. He got quite messy eating and I'd rather it was not on the carpet!
     
  13. karen1967

    karen1967 Registered User

    Oct 10, 2015
    20
    Blackpool
    I would also do what was best for the main carer, and maybe let the others in the house fend for them self so to speak, I understand they work but it maybe meal times tighter for them that will help them also, and you continue to eat with dad.
     
  14. hvml

    hvml Registered User

    Oct 10, 2015
    297
    North Cornwall
    Dad has said that he enjoys a bigger meal at lunch and it's nice for us, so we will keep it up. The tray works for cheese on toast in the evening, but as you say Spamar, messy for a main meal with gravy. It's good that Dad enjoys his food so much though. He is a pleasure to cook for. Today I brought home a roast dinner from the chapel and he really enjoyed it
     
  15. Shedrech

    Shedrech Volunteer Moderator

    Dec 15, 2012
    8,088
    Yorkshire
    Glad you're both agreed on what you enjoy most.
    I loved cooking for my dad before he went into his care home, we had some grand meals together and he too loved his food so was always appreciative. Happy memories.
    So cook, eat, ENJOY.
     
  16. hvml

    hvml Registered User

    Oct 10, 2015
    297
    North Cornwall
    Thanks very much Just wanted to say that after the walk yesterday, Dad slept soundly and did not shout out for me in the small hours, so I got a great night's sleep. Also, the bed was clean and dry this morning, so we have got plenty to smile about xx
     
  17. Shedrech

    Shedrech Volunteer Moderator

    Dec 15, 2012
    8,088
    Yorkshire
  18. hvml

    hvml Registered User

    Oct 10, 2015
    297
    North Cornwall

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