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Me again

JMU

Registered User
Feb 17, 2012
155
0
Cornwall
This isn't really about dad this time. I've been foolish and got myself upset over nothing again. I should know better.
I didn't have high hopes for Christmas this year. Not after the non-event of my thirtieth birthday. That got me moaned at by my work-mates- they were threatening to come round and put up my decorations for me! Well I was pleasantly surprised at how the day went. Dad didn't seem too fussed so I left him at home for a few hours with the radio on while I popped over to my sister's to give her family their presents. It was pretty quiet there- the kids are at the age where they're only interested in their Nintendos, but it was just nice being out of the house for a few hours, that was until I started feeling guilty. Reason told me there was no point taking dad- last year was hard enough with him demanding to go home from the minute we got there, and, well, seeing as my sister never visits he now has no idea who she, or any of the rest of the family is. And just lately he's been getting suspicious of strangers. I'm not sure that my sister understood my decision, though she didn't say anything. I'm not sure I cared.
So I went home again, got out a box of chocolates and a good book, put the TV on for dad and that was kind of it.
I read that book pretty much non stop for the next two days. Books were always my escape as a teenager. It's a real treat for me now as usually I'm too busy. I should have known better as reading that way has put me out of place, and now I'm all worked up over nothing, getting stressed out over tiny things and just wishing things were different. I didn't realise how bad I was until I had lunch with dad and every little thing he did got on my nerves. Eventually I retreated back to my room for some time on my own. It hasn't really helped.
I hate getting like this. We've been getting on fine lately- even my (stress related) excema has let up on me, and I've been careful not to look too deeply into why everything has been so good. And then I go and let something silly upset me. Do you ever find yourself longing to be anywhere but here!
My self-image isn't good anyway, nothing to do with this, but sometimes I really feel like I've made a right mess of my life. I get like this and even though I know that's not true, the knowledge doesn't make any difference to the way I feel.
I guess I just have to ride this out.
 

rjm

Registered User
Jun 19, 2012
742
0
Ontario, Canada
Hey JMU,

For what it's worth, I don't think you've gotten upset over nothing, you've gotten upset because you're a care giver - and that can be stressful and upsetting enough even on the best of days. Seems to me that you've done the best to give your dad a good Christmas, now enjoy your book and chocolates :D
 

jaymor

Volunteer Moderator
Jul 14, 2006
13,730
0
England
I am joining you. Just got my book, am off to get the chocolates and then head down and get lost in my book for half an hour.

Chin up

Jay.
 

jan1962

Registered User
May 19, 2012
717
0
bedlington northumberland
Hi there,

i love reading and when i am stressed i like nothing better than running a bath, a bar of chocolate a glass of wine and my book and off i go, just sink into the bath and enjoy my me time. so now i have my e reader on charge and i am sitting on my bed reading and catching up on TP then i am off with my book and box of chocolates. why not try this.

jan1962
 

piedwarbler

Registered User
Aug 3, 2010
7,189
0
South Ribble
Just don't drop your e-reader in the bath, Jan.

I guess we all get the urge to be anywhere but here sometimes, if we are honest.
I'm wondering if your feelings come more from coping with caring than escaping into a book. Sometimes when we get off the hamster wheel for a short while it feels harder to climb back on.

Sending you a hug xx
 

Izzy

Volunteer Moderator
Aug 31, 2003
64,253
0
69
Dundee
Good morning. I'm sorry you're feeling so down. I love a good read too - also in the bath!!

I wondered if you've had a carer's assessment. If nit please consider getting one. There may be some help out there for you. Take care. x
 

LYN T

Registered User
Aug 30, 2012
6,958
0
Brixham Devon
Sorry you feel so bad. I've just got out of the bath (also read book) looking like a wrinkled prune as I was in there so long. I'm taking advantage of Pete being sectioned in Hospital. I don't normally have time for baths when Pete is around. I'm beginning to realise what I've been missing.

Hope you feel better soon.

Love from Lyn T
 

JMU

Registered User
Feb 17, 2012
155
0
Cornwall
Hi, I think you may be right about it being more about me being a carer.
Perhaps I'm just tired and feeling kind of isolated right now.
I did have a carer's assessment right back at the beginning but never heard anything back from it. I didn't want much help, just advice on options such as respite, but it would have been nice to have been acknowledged. I guess I should have chased it up, but, well, I'm not exactly assertive in that way and I kept putting it off until it didn't seem worth it. One problem was that I didn't know what I was supposed to get back from them. The social worker we have is the same- promises to get back to me but the minute he's out of the door that's it. I've got enough on my hands without chasing him up too. That's probably the wrong attitude.
All this talk of baths is making me jealous. I haven't lived in a house with a bath for twenty years, and I used to love them as a child. Sometimes now when I'm tired and achy I want nothing more than to have a long hot soak. It's been a long-held dream to have a bath fitted, and I did save up for it a few years back- then this all hit. What with dad's extra health problems I didn't think it sensible to follow through- he has mobility issues as it is, but it doesn't stop me longing for one.
 

leedsfan

Registered User
Apr 1, 2012
421
0
Hi, I think you may be right about it being more about me being a carer.
Perhaps I'm just tired and feeling kind of isolated right now.
I did have a carer's assessment right back at the beginning but never heard anything back from it. I didn't want much help, just advice on options such as respite, but it would have been nice to have been acknowledged. I guess I should have chased it up, but, well, I'm not exactly assertive in that way and I kept putting it off until it didn't seem worth it. One problem was that I didn't know what I was supposed to get back from them. The social worker we have is the same- promises to get back to me but the minute he's out of the door that's it. I've got enough on my hands without chasing him up too. That's probably the wrong attitude.
All this talk of baths is making me jealous. I haven't lived in a house with a bath for twenty years, and I used to love them as a child. Sometimes now when I'm tired and achy I want nothing more than to have a long hot soak. It's been a long-held dream to have a bath fitted, and I did save up for it a few years back- then this all hit. What with dad's extra health problems I didn't think it sensible to follow through- he has mobility issues as it is, but it doesn't stop me longing for one.

Hi JMU,
Hope this gives you a laugh, but please don't imagine that I'm not sympathetic to your post.

I haven't had a bath for years. It's OK I don't smell! Our shower is over the bath so always shower, just 'cos it's quicker. Anyway after a particularly rotten day with Dad, brother and OH, thought right, sod it, I'm going to have some ME time. Locked myself in the bathroon, candles, large glass of wine, music, bubbles, the works. Spent a very long time in there, prompting OH to ask from the landing if I was OK. When I had emptied the hot water tank, topping bath up several times, tried to get out of the bath. I say tried because like I said earlier, hadn't actually sat in the bath for years. I couldn't turn or pull myself out. The bath is very high sided, lovely for nice deep bath, but when trying to manoeuver the middle age spread I now sport, it's not so good. In the end I stupidly let the water out thinking that would aid me. All it did was make me make horrendous noises as I squeezed my ample flesh out. Didn't do much for my body image. Who ate all the pies? ME!!!

Perhaps I'll use a bit of baby oil next time!

Ask a friend if you can borrow their bath, I'm sure you'll do better then me.

Jane x
 

jeany123

Registered User
Mar 24, 2012
19,035
0
71
Durham
Oh Jane don't use baby oil you will just be slipping around for ever i tried that once and I couldn't get a grip to get out :D

We just have a shower now and sometimes i long for a nice soothing bath in peace ,

Jeany x
 

minniemouse01

Registered User
Nov 27, 2012
243
0
scotland
I love taking a bath too, glass of wine, book, candles - however, the last time I took one I couldn't get out either ! beached whale came to mind !:D

M x