Maybe the time has come......

Discussion in 'ARCHIVE FORUM: Support discussions' started by mel, Jan 18, 2007.

  1. mel

    mel Registered User

    Apr 30, 2006
    1,656
    Sheffield
    Well.....mum has now been in hospital for just over 4 weeks following a fall while she was in respite for a few days in December.......she broke her hip.

    I spoke to a doctor yesterday who believed that with the right care package in place then she would eventually be able to come home but she is unable to walk or weight bear on the affected leg.

    Today I saw the occupational therapist who painted a much bleaker picture.......
    At present it takes 2 people and a hoist to get mum in and out of bed......
    I would be provided with a hoist but the OT thinks mum will need carers in at least 4 times a day to cope with her requirements.....
    She really doesn't think it would be a practical arrangement for mum or me.......

    Today after getting mum out of bed she was put in her chair,fell asleep and fell off the chair......luckily there was no damage but if this were to happen at home and I was on my own with her it would be hard for me to manage.........

    The OT strongly recommends full time 24/7 nursing care in a nursing home.....and that it would the best thing for her.......

    I feel conflicts of emotions......On the one hand I wanted to decide when mum went into care......on the other hand I'm glad I'm being advised that this is the right course to take.......
    I always wanted to care for mum as long as I could but ....yes I feel it is the time now.......At least I know she will have everything she needs and I just can't provide that for her any more......

    This evening I have a very heavy heart............:(
     
  2. Kayla

    Kayla Registered User

    May 14, 2006
    621
    Kent
    Dear Wendy,
    It is very hard when your mother has to go into a Nursing Home and I felt as if it were the end of the world after my Mum broke her hip. Although it has taken her a long time to adjust to being in the home, Mum seems to be content now. She knows the staff and they know all her little ways and take good care of her. If 24/7 care is required, then a NH is the best place and there will always be someone available to help.
    Mum has been in the NH for nearly 14 months now and I'm impressed at how calm and kind the staff are with all the elderly people and I'm sure some must be quite awkward. Although Mum is in the nursing section, the EMI section is staffed by the same people, as they work on a rota system. Mum would still know the nurses even if her dementia became worse and she had to be moved. Perhaps the fact that the staff move around helps them to remain calm and peaceful.
    I hope that you are able to find a good NH and your mother can settle down quickly and happily.
    Best wishes
    Kayla
     
  3. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    17,000
    SW Scotland
    Hi Wendy

    I'm sorry you have such a heavy heart tonight. It's an awful decision to have to make, but I think you know that the time has come.

    You wanted to make that decision yourself, but it has been taken out of your hands, and that's no bad thing. I'm agonising about respite, goodness knows how I'll cope with the next decision.

    You know your mum cannot cope on her own; you've done so much for her, and now you have to let others take the strain.

    You'll still see her, and love her, and your mum will know that. You'll be doing the best possible for her, just as you have always done.

    The heavy heart is something we all have to live with, I'm afraid.

    Lots of love, and big {HUGS}
     
  4. Lucille

    Lucille Registered User

    Sep 10, 2005
    542
     
  5. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,560
    Kent
    Hi Wendy, So Sorry it`s come to this. Sometimes decisions are really hard to take. It looks like this decision has been taken out of your hands. Not what you wanted, but what else can you do. You know you only want to do what`s best for your mother, and now seems to be the time.
    It hurts, I know. Love Sylvia x
     
  6. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    10,824
    london
    Not sure what to say as I have not at that stage yet with mum .

    I can easy say that it sounds like the right thing Care home as your mother now needs 24/7 and this could happen like you said
    So just want to give you a BIG ((((HUG))))
     
  7. Tender Face

    Tender Face Account Closed

    Mar 14, 2006
    5,379
    NW England
    On the other hand .... when did you ever envisage that your mum would ever need to go into care ... ??? That there would ever be such hard decisions to have to make?

    Just if it helps, step back a bit (years, maybe) - there is nothing about this situation you would have chosen - and still more you can't choose now - except that your love for and devotion to your mum is a constant in very changing circumstances ... and doing your best for her on every level (even if it doesn't seem so good for you just now) is symptomatic of a heavy heart ......

    Whatever other needs your mum has - and wherever those are met - only YOU can provide the special love she and you share............

    Having negotiated this unexpected and extended spell in hospital I hope you can see the proposed way forward as another 'new beginning' and not an ending in itself.....

    Hugest hugs and all my love, Karen, x
     
  8. connie

    connie Registered User

    Mar 7, 2004
    9,519
    Frinton-on-Sea
    Wendy, thinking of you. I am sure you have made the right decision. Never easy I know.
     
  9. kindheart

    kindheart Registered User

    Jan 18, 2007
    39
    Wendy

    Please know that although I am new to this forum and have not really contibuted before this eveing.

    Sweetheart I wish I could just hug you and lighten your load. I shall pray for you and hope that whatever the result you and your mum will be content.
     
  10. Cate

    Cate Registered User

    Jul 2, 2006
    1,370
    Newport, Gwent
    Hi Wendy

    Gosh I feel for you, you know I was in your shoes last September, and whilst I felt horrible at the time, and for some time after, I know it was the right decision for mum to move to the NH.

    I still, now and then, have the visits from the dear old guilt monster, but they are getting less now, especially when I see mum and she looks better than she has done in a very long while.

    Sending you a massive hug honey.

    Love
    Cate xx
     
  11. mel

    mel Registered User

    Apr 30, 2006
    1,656
    Sheffield
    Thanks everyone.....what would I do without you!!!
    I've been a bit weepy tonight but I know this is a new beginning for all of us....
    A new chapter begins eh?
    love as always xx
     
  12. May

    May Registered User

    Oct 15, 2005
    627
    Yorkshire
    Just wanted to say, thinking of you Mel, huge hugs.
    I'm in a different situation as Dad is Mum's carer, but we are in exorably moving to that point too, and it's awful watching my Dad wrestle with the thought that the 'girl' he's loved and looked after for 63 years may have to be looked after by others.........:(
    Hope you can come to terms with the change and take comfort by having 'quality' time with your Mum.
    Take care.
     
  13. ann60

    ann60 Registered User

    Nov 24, 2006
    21
    Australia
    hi wendy just to say hi and I understand what you're going through. Like May my dad was mums full time carer and I would look after mum for one day a week to give him a small break. Some days were so hard I don't know how dad managed for as long as he did. Mum started falling alot and was just too darn hard to move around even with a wheel chair. Dad started getting a lot of aches and pains himself from the constant lifting, as you would know lifting someone that is a dead weight and cannot give you any help themselves is not easy to say the least. Dad had to make the decision to place mum in full time care and he was the only one who could do it when he was ready. Its been 4 months now and mum is very happy and seems to be relaxed. She doesn't often get cranky(some times gives the nurses a run for their money) and I'm sure it all has a lot to do with the fact that there is always two people to help with everything which is much less stressfull on mum and they do have all of the right devices to use like lifting frames and there is always someone to sit and talk to, all being one sided, concerts to go to and just constant company. The staff who work in these homes are all so wonderful. Sorry for being so long and I know it is hard not to be teary and how I know my mum would hate the fact that she had to go into care but she would have been the first to admit that it was neccesary. Hugs Ann
     
  14. mel

    mel Registered User

    Apr 30, 2006
    1,656
    Sheffield
    May and Ann Thank you for your replies.....I now understand this is the right way forward.......

    Another shock on visiting mum tonight........they have taken a swab from her and placed her in an isolation room as a precaution. The ward that mum was originally on last week has some cases of MRSA.....I feel very worried about this....
    The first week mum was there the patients(mum was one) on the ward suffered from a "winter vomiting virus"......this resulted in 7 wards being closed to new admissions until it was all clear......

    What is happening to our hospitals for goodness sake?
     
  15. Cate

    Cate Registered User

    Jul 2, 2006
    1,370
    Newport, Gwent
    Oh Wendy honey I feel for you, what next you must be asking yourself.

    Hope the swab comes back clear. Fingers crossed.

    Love
    Cate xx
     
  16. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    10,824
    london

    So do I xxx
     
  17. mel

    mel Registered User

    Apr 30, 2006
    1,656
    Sheffield
    Well been to visit mum and its clostridium difficile that she's suffering from. The sister said it will need to take its course and they'll keep an eye on it and if it doesn't clear up soon there are antibiotics she can take(but it seems antibiotics cause it!!!)

    So we'll wait and see.....it doesn't seem to be as bad as MRSA thats the main thing!
    Love xx
     
  18. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    17,000
    SW Scotland
    Hi Wendy

    Don't know if that's good news or bad news. But at least the hospital staff seem to be on top of the situation.

    All good wishes to you and you mum. How is she feeling? Is she aware of the extra problem? It would probably be better if she wasn't.

    Love and hugs,
     
  19. Helena

    Helena Registered User

    May 24, 2006
    715
    Clostridium Difficile is a bacteria that gets out of control when an already immune compromised patient is treated with high dose Penicillin usually for Pneumonia

    Thus when someone with a vulnerable brain as in Alzheimers or Vascular Dementia is treated for one infection they simply develop another often its CD

    My Mother was 90 and had Vascular Dementia she had a mini stroke and fell lying unconscious for 3 days and was taken to hospital with pneumonia she then got cellulitis then clostridium difficile which reoccured after treatment and because of her weakened state she succumbed to the resulting blood poisoning and renal failure

    For her and the family it was actually a blessing
     
  20. Tender Face

    Tender Face Account Closed

    Mar 14, 2006
    5,379
    NW England
    Well, for Wendy's mum let's hope it's been diagnosed early and can be kept in control ..... at least she's in the right place to have it diagnosed, recognised and treated appropriately if needs......

    I think we're all 'immune compromised' here - whether the sufferer through their dementia or the carer from the sheer stress of caring .....

    Wendy, much love to you and your mum,

    Karen, x
     

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