Hi, yes you made me stop and think, of course for him nothing would have been different. I’m learning he doesn’t actually remember after a sleep that he had (for want of a better expression) thrown a paddy. He seems to know there was something, but what it was he has no idea and I am learning to just let it go - but it is all still fairly new. In the ‘old days’ we would have cleared the air and got back to so called normal. I’m also learning that normal keeps changing and I have to accept our normal as I can’t change things. Sorry if that doesn’t make sense. I really enjoyed the film and I came home to him having followed written instructions to take out of the fridge the shepherds pie I made this morning ready for me to put in the oven when I came home. Worried all the way through the film that he might put the oven on - he once put the wrong prog on the stupid digital oven which could have resulted in a fire. Before I went out he said of course he isn’t going to try and have a go but you still worry don’t you.
Married 40 years, but I don’t feel like celebrating
- Thread starter Sad Staffs
- Start date
Hi Sad Staffs, think we’ll agree waffling is a good thing. Oh your mum sounds as though she was really lovely, it sounds as though you take after her in the caring department and I bet she would have been proud of how you are handling things. I know that feeling of wanting to be looked after. We do have a family and I know I am blessed but I do still feel incredibly lonely. They have their own families and lives to live and I do try and protect them from the worse of things as I feel passionately about them not having their lives changed by all this. My OH has always wanted to be put first so in some ways our life was fairly insular even with a family. At the end of the day I feel there is just the two of us but I’m certainly not lessening the fact we are able to call on family if the need arises.
Do you manage a break or a few hours on your own? We did try a dementia cafe - I can’t say it was totally a success but people there were very supportive and friendly and after a bit of a break my OH has agreed to try it again. Take good care x
Thank you Manc70. Yes, my Mom was special... she died at 73 - I was devastated, but she had an identical twin, and we took each other under our wings, and I was lucky to have her love and care for another 11 years. They were so identical that their grandchildren hadn’t got a clue who was looking after them! If one twin bumped themselves, the other bruised! I could go on and on, but I won’t!
I’m sure your family would want you to call on them and it is lovely that they are there for you if you need them.
I also get that your OH has always expected to be put first. Is it a throwback to them being Victorian! I used to joke about my OH being a Victorian Chauvinist, and that was when we were first married... he got worse as he got older!
No, I don’t really get a break as I have to help with his Incontinence more or less hourly. That is the sort of thing he just can’t work out, and it upsets me to see him struggle, so I would rather sort him than him get distressed, and by me doing it means there are fewer light switch moments!
I don’t understand dementia, will I ever? But he struggles with certain things, and other things I think to myself, well why can you work that out, but other things just go round and round, constantly, over and over.
We haven’t tried a dementia cafe. I doubt he would go, he has got more unsociable as he has got older. He has me and that is all he wants.
At the moment I just get on with it. What tomorrow, next week, month, or year will bring I have no idea. Will I be able to do what I do now, I doubt it. But it’s the hand I’ve been given, what do you do but get on with it, and, I love him.
Thank you Manc70... good talking to you x
