What a nightmare for you janey.

 

Janey, sending supportive hugs. So difficult for you all. If in the midst of all this you can write some details down so you can hand that to the "health professionals" (or send it in advance) - that can be helpful in establishing and sharing the facts when you are all going to (understandably) be stressed, tired and emotional. Keep posting, it helps to write how you feel and what is happening as it gets things straight in your head and relieves the pressure a little bit. Take care x

 

I would take your Dad to stay with you and then report your Mum as a vulnerable adult. I think you need to get the authorities to sit up and notice the need for extra help/medication and fear you may have to force their hand.

 

What a worry
Im glad you have stopped her driving, but be aware she may persuade someone to fix it for her
I think that if she threatened your dad it would be a good idea for the police to be called as they can send reports to social services which might prod them into action.

 

Car & Driving

Remove the car completely.
Don't ask or say that your doing it.
If you think she might report it stolen, inform the police as to what and why you are doing it.
She will create, once she realises what's happened, but should she have an accident, and hurt herself, or heaven forbid, someone else, then ........

Be strong, what you are doing is right for her, and Dad.

Bod

 

Oh my goodness, Janey, this is a real nightmare for you all. Well done your OH for managing to disable the car. One problem tempoarily solved.

Is your mum usually so er... awkward? I only ask because my mum, normally fairly amenable, would turn into a fire breathing dragon whenever she got a uti. Just a thought.

So sorry your dad and you are going through this. It is heartbreaking to see our mums behave so irrationally isn't it?

 

We see so many threads related to Driving and it’s obvious that there are Divers who shouldn’t be Driving , not all have medical conditions many are just incompetent some are incapable and this should be address for safety reasons , but there are hundreds of Drivers with a diagnoses of dementia who live very active lives and are Very capable possibly 80% would have taken a disability driving assessment to prove they are capable . maybe the government / DVLA should think of introducing an driving test every 5 years up to age of fifty and every 1 year from fifty onwards a test for all drivers all ages , I would like to know the number of accidents cause by drivers with a Pre diagnosed dementia I suspect the number would be very low , all to often when an elderly person has been involve in an accident its reported they suffered from dementia to me that’s just a cop out obviously they had dementia before driving car and should be prosecuted for not informing the DVLA .

 

Good that you are now being listened to. My mil is very erratic at times and thank god she never learnt to drive because I fear we would be in the same situation.
Keep going, I know it seems like a hard slog but you are doing the right things.

 

Hi Janey, it sounds horrible but perhaps if your mother is sectioned, it might be better in the long run. My mother was sectioned 3 times altogether, once when my sister and I brought her to hospital for a diagnosis and Mum ran wild, and twice out of the nursing home because her behaviour was violent and physically aggressive. It was devastating for all of us but these did serve their purpose. Thinking of you.

 

Well done, Janey, I'm sure that was a difficult phone call to make but you did the right thing. Many here have said that you have to really shout to be heard sometimes, and that is just what you did.

I'm sure it's scary/upsetting/difficult/many other things, to think about her being sectioned, but certainly in the case of my own mother, it was precisely what needed to happen to get her the care she so desperately needed.

I'm glad to hear she will get an assessment with the psychiatrist today. If you get a chance, and feel up to it, please do let us know what happens.

Whatever happens, we're thinking of you.

 

Well done, Janey. It must have been difficult but you might have saved a life.

 

Janey, you are correct, often the "right" thing to do is not the easiest thing to do, but you did do the right thing. You have to consider safety--which you did.

I definitely understand you feel a bit like you're running away from the situation but maybe if you think about how important it is for you to spend time with your daughter, it will help you a bit with perspective. That Twilight Zone feeling is pervasive, isn't it?

Have a great trip (and you DO deserve a break) and keep us updated when you can.

 

Janey - you must go; you must savour every moment so that you can come back fresh and able to face this misery again, which will be waiting for you, unchanged, on your return. Your dad needs to see it in your face that you've had some respite. It will boost him if you do. Don't go and spend your time worrying about what might or might not be happening at home. There are others who will step up to the plate but they may feel it's a bit pointless if you don't let go emotionally. I know this is how my brother felt when he started to take up his share of the slack but I was still anguished. He gave me a big talking to and it helped me. As he pointed out, I was doing no good but I was hurting myself big time.
Well done with the latest developments. You and your family are awesome.

 

Driving and dementia Overview

If you have dementia and you want to carry on driving, this information sheet will tell you what you must do to make sure you are driving legally. It will also help families and friends who are worried about whether someone with dementia should still be driving.

Can people with dementia drive?

The short answer is maybe. Many people with dementia are able to continue driving for some time following diagnosis.

People with a diagnosis of dementia often want to continue driving. Driving can be part of maintaining independence and an active life. Most people in the early stages of dementia are physically capable of controlling a car. The basic skills of driving become almost automatic to most drivers, and people with dementia will keep these skills for a considerable time after diagnosis.

British law assumes as its starting point that you have a right to drive. The law only intervenes when medical conditions impair driving ability. The legal position is that a driver has to be able to drive on his or her own, without help from anyone else. The aim is to allow people to continue to drive if possible.

However, dementia affects reaction speed and decision-making. People with dementia may be slower to react, especially under stress. For example, they may have problems in busy traffic, or when something unexpected happens, such as another car stopping suddenly. Research shows that people with dementia are more likely to be involved in accidents than other people.

So: you may be able to carry on driving, but it is important to make sure you are still safe to drive.

 

The OP makes clear that the DVLA have revoked the license.

 

I just wanted to congratulate you, your Dad and other members of your family for behaving in such a loving, responsible way to each other and to strangers who might be put at risk by your Mum's actions.

I'm so glad there's movement and the future looks as if it might be more manageable than the recent past has been.