Mam diagnosis just got much much worse


Registered User
Feb 28, 2012
Mam had catarract op cancelled as she went in hospital for blood transfusion and to see if there was any bleed
Blood given x 3 ,CT scan done ..........................mam has lung cancer

she has to remain in hospital until at least thursday while they have a 'meeting' to get everything in place

BUT she needs to go back to the home ,they aren't going to give her any intervention (which we all agree on ) but hospital is not the place for her ,she is confused and needs specialist care and they just don't get any of it ...........................they are treating her as 'ok' and she is far from it and aren't taking any notice of US,we know her best ,the home knows her best

here we go again ,another uphill battle on our hands ,how oh how can I persuade them she needs to go back to the home and the people who know how to care for her

my heart breaks for her ,she has been through so much and this is so unfair


Registered User
May 17, 2011
My sympathies, life just isn't fair, is it? You just wonder why things get so cruel, it goes through mind often.


Registered User
Feb 10, 2010
So sorry to hear of your mum's diagnosis and the problems which you are having. Having just gone through something similar, I might be able to reassure you about delay in sending her back to the nursing home. We found that this was due to the hospital having primary responsibility for our mum and that whilst they were happy for her to return to the care home, they had to make sure that a proper care plan was drawn up and that the home had the facilities and the staff to be able to provide the level of care she might need. No one was trying to be awkward and once we understood we could see that they were really trying to do what was best for our mother.

I know it is not nice to think of money at a time like this, and I don't know how your mum's care is funded, but whilst there is a delay in her returning to the home, you could ask the hospital to do the assessment for CHC. It will be important to the home to know whether this has been agreed especially if your mum at any point requires one to one qualified nursing support, say 24/7. I was led to believe by my mother's care home that the hospital doing the assessment is quite normal and helps to speed up the process of being able to put proper levels of care in place.

Another thing you could talk to the home about is whether they should consider moving your mum to another room nearer the nurses station so that someone is very near at all times should she need attention etc. This could be done before your mum returns to the home if everyone thinks its the right thing to do. It was one of our fears because my mother was at the end of a long corridor and we always worried about how she would get attention and/or how often the staff would visit her room etc during the day and night.

Do you know if the hospital have spoken to the home yet? If not you could perhaps arrange for this to happen, or maybe set up a meeting with the care home manager, the hospital and yourself to agree a plan of action.

I do hope you get things sorted soon, because I agree with you, in the circumstances hospital is not the right place for her and she should be at the home where her "family" now reside and who all understand her.



Registered User
Feb 28, 2012
thank you nevergiveup and thank you too Fiona.....................sorry I haven't been back on since posting but I have been at the hospital mostly,things have moved on a little and though I got very stressed and upset a very nice nurse got the doctor for me and he sat me down and gave me time to think of all the questions I had and all my concerns and agreed with us that mum needs to go back to the home asap but as you so rightly explained the wheels needed to be set in motion and they were/are just trying to do the best for mum so she can go back and stay there

he like you advised talking to the home and today they have said as mum shows 'symptoms' later on they are going to move her downstairs to the 'special quiet ' rooms ,as they call them

thank you so much for being here because I know if this one nurse hadn't took me aside I could of /would of got the same very good advice here .......................thank you so much

I am still feeling overwhelmed by it all a bit but at the moment keeping busy sorting things out for mum is keeping me together ............................I'm a little scared how I will hold it together once mum is back at the home and settled again


Registered User
Feb 18, 2012
North Staffordshire
So sorry to read the news about your Mum, it is so hard that she has so many different problems. Hope you are feeling a bit better, and that your Mum can return to CH soon.


Registered User
Jan 19, 2012
you will find you settle into a new normality very quickly - do not worry about how you will cope. Just carry on as you are and you will be fine. You are doing so well as you are, spending time with your mum and making things go as well as possible.
Just make sure you look after yourself too (food ... sleep) the better to look after your mum.


Registered User
Feb 28, 2012
thank you ggma and butter ,I truely don't know how I would get through this without being able to come here ,I am so so glad I found TP

I have to do all I can for mum,not being 'here' for her is just not an option ,one sibling told me yesturday I should feel proud of what I am doing ,I cringed ,she is my mum what more can I say,what I do will never be enough


Registered User
May 29, 2012
East Yorkshire
so sorry to hear of the diagnosis, you must be feeling shell shocked, I can't be of any real help, but will be thinking of you and your mum.


Registered User
Feb 28, 2012
thanks chrisuz

now they want another ct scan this time on the brain to the if it has spread ....................and getting info out of them started to get harder ,but I pressed them and now once the scan is done she can return to the home ,if it shows anything she will be put on meds if not nothing but she definately can go back and I can't wait

she is so terribly unsettled in hospital

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