I am wondering how best to cope with Christmas this year. It's the first with OH in care. I was wondering whether it would be fair to bring him to my daughter's house for presents and lunch, or better for us to visit him and leave him where he is. How have others coped? He enjoys Christmas but finds the grandchildren too noisy usually. xxx
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A different normal you have to live once someone is in care.
They are in care, because that's the most beneficial place for them.
You are not in care, because that wouldn't be beneficial for you
To try to mix the two different beneficial scenarios isn't necessarily the right decision
As hard as it is for you, because in your world, Christmas is for the family to all be together, it isn't the same for the one in care to be with family at Christmas, because they have their own world now.
Their world is regularity with out the interruptions of Christmas, birthdays, anniversaries, anything to do with day to day living with its many and varied unexpected joys and lows. Their needs are limited. It's hard to squash the guilt monster during these celebrations, because we think logically. As soon as the thinking turns to reality of the different ways of living, the guilt monster has no room to niggle our emotions.
Yes it would be wonderful FOR YOU ALL AND THE FAMILY to be all together at Christmas. For the person who is in care, I doubt it. It would just be a confusing ordeal.
Been there, got the T shirt. Neither me or the person in care appreciated the hoped for celebration
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